Then you pee all over your pants and shoes and have to tell everyone the sink sprayed you.
Hah, I’ve literally been there. Imagine a 9’x9’ prison cell with two men, steel bunk “beds”, and a solid steel toilet. Also, you’re high on suboxone because there’s not much else to do in prison.
You’re a grown man, standing facing the toilet with wiener in hand, with another grown man’s head like 3 feet behind your ass. Standing there for what feels like eternity. And you’re thinking “Oh shit. He’s going to think I don’t know how to piss or something. This is weird. His head is way too close to my ass. Fuck, I’d better not fart. I forgot how pain killers and shit can make you unable to piss. It’s got to be the sub I took. I have to go so bad but I don’t know how to make it work. I did forget how to pee!”
And as you panic, your bunkie finally says something like “What the fuck, dude? Did you forget how to piss?” and all of your fears come true.
“He clearly thinks I’m a homosexual”
Here’s some advice I received years ago for this very situation: if you’re struggling to piss due to stage fright, imagine pissing on the head of someone you hate. Really imagine it. Imagine micturating all over their hair (or their scalp), the aghast expression, then them spluttering while trying to mouth ‘What the fuck?’ it does work. I don’t know why it works - and I most definitely don’t want to know - but it does work.
You’re all most welcome :)
What the actual fuck?..
I thought I invented this or something, now I have to reconsider my entire life… I literally used to do this at work in a single stall bathroom but you never know when you might come out and there might be a line of even one person let alone four or five and they’re like what the hell you doing in there buddy. But seriously some psychological stuff like that can get you over the hump sometimes. It’s really something to consider if you are having problems. I’d prefer to sit down all together, I do all the time at home, but public restrooms, yeah, not unless it’s an emergency in the other department.
Now though, it’s mostly prostate and bladder issues at 43, but hey, if that’s the worst of my problems I guess hell, It could be worse. I mean it’s not necessarily the least of my problems but hey, I guess if (trying) to piss standing up is what I’m up against, at least I’m still upright to try, right?
Fuck I don’t know where I was going with this but anyway yeah I guess I’m not the only one lol
🤷🏽
Now I’m erect and peeing is even harder?
Is this kink specifically about pissing on people you hate, or is it just generally pissing on people that brings mr peepee to attention?
Meh I quit worrying about his ages ago. If someone has something to say I get ask them if they are a perv.
I used to have this problem, but I somehow got over it by imagining to piss in the face of the queen of England. Something about unloading in her face while she’s sitting there all prissy like makes me laugh which relaxes my muscles enough to piss.
So thankful the internet still says infinitely more hilarious and baffling things on a daily basis than AI could ever manage.
But what do you do now that there’s no queen?
The Queen and peeing reminds me of this
Thank you very much for sharing
In the end she’ll be sitting there all pissy.
I sit down when I pee. There nothin that crazy bout me.
In the urinal? Like, facing forwards?
Like planking face down
sidesaddle, like a prim and proper lady, all shipshape and bristol fashion
You’re sitting down but You’re not making brown?
This guy gets it
This reminds me of one night where a group of friends went out drinking. Just before we were going to leave the pub to go to one further down the road one friend said he needed to take a piss. It triggered something in a bunch of us as most of us realised we needed to go.
The toilets were really busy; that situation where you’re pissing in what is basically a trough with your elbows touching the elbows of other guys next to you. Immediately on trying to go it just wasn’t happening. I stood awkwardly for about a minute, zipped up, washed my hands and went outside.
Everyone gathered round and we started walking. We were walking in silence for about a minute when one guy said “Did anyone else manage to actually pee?” To which loads of us burst out laughing. Turns out we all did the same thing, even though we needed to pee, we all failed to do so.
One time I was in line to piss before watching a Mastodon concert, and I really had to piss, and I stood in line with like 50 dudes waiting for ye olde washroom, and there was like two urinals and a stall. Well fuck me the stall was taken, so not wanting to be a rude dick to every other dude in line I tried to use the urinal. So I whipped out mah johnson, and it was pretty much like the comic, got pee shy, held it for like 30 I don’t know 45 seconds or something. Nothing. I’m like looking over my shoulder at this massive line of of dudes behind me. Fuck. So I just pretended to shake it, shoved it back into my pants and was miserable having to piss the whole Mastodon set.
I fucking hate having to piss in public around people. It’s so terrible.
That’s a real group of bros
Sitting or, more precisely, squatting is all in all more healthy for your prostate as well.
Tankies 🙄
(jk)
bullshit. you dont have to sit pissing in a stall
I’ve got this trick. Basically, I start relaxing the muscles on the way to the restroom. Not enough that there’s any chance I’ll piss myself before I get there. Just enough that by the time I’m in front of the urinal, it’s not difficult to start the stream quickly.
There was this one time I felt kindof bad about. went to the restroom where I worked (back before I was working remotely) and used “the trick” as usual. I get there, and there’s a guy at one of the urinals already. I peed, flushed, washed my hands, and left the restroom before he produced a drop.
Of course, in all likelihood, “the trick” won’t continue to work so well as my beard grows grayer, and some day I’ll be the other guy.
Honestly, leaving ultra quickly is the kindest thing you can do if he’s struggling.
The comic for the women’s bathroom is two girls in stalls waiting for the other one to leave so she can shit.
Pro tip: If you have a shy bladder, you can just go into a stall to pee.
Old guy from the comic presses his ear to the door “Hey! I don’t hear shittin! This guys just pissin in there!”
Now I need an extra panel with him sliding under the stall like a mechanic under a car.
That guy is way too interested in other people’s evacuations.
Doesn’t work for me, must be different room.
In high school I was sometimes late because I had to find empty restroom, which sometimes meant switching between different buildings (4 of them).I already do that. Urinals don’t have tp for pp.
You mean you don’t vigorously shake piss droplets all over the place?
I always thought this comic was upvoted because the absurdity of it is funny, not because it’s a thing that people are actually anxious about and therefore relate to.
Oh it’s definitely a thing which makes it funnier on top of the absurdity.
one day you’re the dude with the hair, then you grow a mustache or something idk how this universe’s power scaling works
that guy looks like the dad from cloudy with a chance of meatballs lol
I don’t get fishing metaphors!
Thought the same thing.
