At the tail end of a massive maintenance shutdown (16 hr days for everyone, for 2 weeks) the mill leadership started a site-wide meeting with pictures and stories of their recent trip to Japan. How they went golfing, the great meals they had, their trip to the mountain, etc. They finally wrapped that up and proceeded to tell us that cost of living raises were going to be small that year due to them being “unsure about next year’s profit margins”.
There was a pretty steady wave of resignation letters for the 6 months following that meeting.
Jesus, some people just have no awareness whatsoever.
It’s almost always better for a company to have resignations than layoffs.
So it’s kind of always been a thing for them to “encourage” resignations with shit like this, then hire back new people later for drastically lower salaries.
It’s what a lot of places are doing now mandating return to the office.
That sounds good in theory but with layoffs you tend to at least aim to let the worst employees go. With resignations you have literally the opposite. The best people are the ones that will go and the best ones will go first as they can and will find a new job more easily.
Not saying that they don’t do it for that reason but sometimes (and I’d say most times) people are just incompetent and do stupid shit like this.
I’ve seen the induced attrition, but with control. So let’s say the company on a ‘healthy’ year gives out a 14% bonus to everyone (and the salary is calibrated with the expectation of that large bonus). So they decide they want attrition, sorry, they can’t afford the bonus that year, everyone just has to learn to do without. Ok, disastrous, except they also identify some key folks and give them like 30% bonus in stock that vests over two years and/or a cash bonus with a clause that they are entitled for that to be paid back if the employee quits. So those people manage to get the same money (or more), though with strings attached, so they aren’t inclined to quite unless they have an amazing competitive offer.
I’ve also seen a new executive come along and admit the strategy was being used, called it BS, and announced bonus was going to be significant but they were laying off folks.
Someone laid off is out and angry. Maybe talking smack about them, sue, might come back and cause a scene. Someone resigning already got what they wanted, to never see the employer again. It’s like when you have a mentally unstable ex and make her feel like she broke up with you so you don’t come out to find your tires slashed.
Quiet firings.
Quiet hirings are a thing now too…
Companies are putting up postings for positions they don’t have any intention of filling any time soon.
This way when they are ready to hire, they finally look at resumes and can start scheduling interviews ASAP. It’s shifting all the wait time of the process to applicants.
Combine the two, and you end up with companies being able to maintain bare minimum staffing regardless of workload without having to ever pay severance packages.
It’s actually really smart, as long as you don’t have the tiniest shred of empathy and think of workers as machines and not people.
That’s messed up.
That’s capitalism.
It only works when the government backs citizens over companies. Because a public company is required to put profits over everything else.
So there needs to be regulations getting passed to keep blocking whatever new bullshit someone set up.
All it would take would be requiring companies to have a start/end date on applications and only be able to hire from applications received in that window.
It’s already how the federal government does hirings. The government gets a lot of shit, but they’ve got one of the best unions around.
It also doesn’t work in a tight labor market. This happened to me, I just laughed and blocked them, because in the 6 months it took them to get around to me I already had a better paying job with a competitor.
Well, that’s nothing new, it’s at least been a thing for the last 20 years I’ve been working.
Best use of that I’ve seen was a manager that always pushed to get new headcount, and then never wanted to fill it. Because the company counted cancelling unfilled positions toward a departments required layoff requirements, so several layoff rounds spared every actual employee in his department.
That works until the company re-evaluates how many people that team needs…
It probably contributed to them kicking him out of management one day.
I thought quiet hiring was going to be what my company has been doing: literally hiring people quietly for positions we already have. This has been happening recently and we’ve noticed the newly hired people are all old friends of our new CEO.
Be careful
This exact thing happened at one place I worked years ago: the old plant manager retired so they sent out an interim manager from their home location states away from our facility.
Obviously she wanted to get back home so they made hiring a new plant manager a top priority. Eventually they found this guy who’d been like an assistant plant manager at some place that had closed down (maybe a red flag?!). So he got started and immediately, like within a month, started hiring on a bunch of his friends who’d lost their jobs at the old place when it shut down.
At first it was great because he was filling vacancies which made everyone’s load lighter. Then all the vacancies were filled but he still had more friends to bring in, so he started creating positions to bring in more people. Suddenly they were “coordinator” positions who basically only served as middlemen between other management, people who used to do their own work now had a staff of 2 or 3 people, etc.
Eventually even that bloated staff ran out of room for his old friends…and then all that staff started talking a toll on the budget…
…so over a few months they started mass layoffs of anyone who wasn’t part of the new plant manager’s circle of friends. Basically if you didn’t work with him before at the old place, weren’t part of the union, and weren’t part of his Thursday golf crew, you were sent packing. Over one week he got rid of like 30 people.
After I got it, I heard from friends that within a month they were mandating that any employee with specialized skills (read: I didn’t have any friends with that skill so we couldn’t get rid of you) had to take at least one weekend shift and pick up 8 extra hours through the week, every week, for minimum 56 hour weeks… because they no longer had the staffing to get it all done.
That’s wild. Yeah, we’ll see what happens I suppose.
A lot of people are angry because they’re hiring specialists for specific problems but we’ve already got the staff with the skill set to address those problems (and in most cases the solutions are already in the works).
Not to mention that the company doesn’t have to pay unemployment for those that resign but do for those that are laid off.
i struggle to understand that even from a sociopathic viewpoint here, productivity drop would far exceed any wage savings
It’s amazing how often I see executives talking about their cool trip, their new plane, or other rich person bullshit during the same presentation where they are telling their employees to suck up some furlough, reneg on bonus, or similar financial hardship.
Super mega sons of bitches Super mega…sons of bitches
I thought I made people mad by ordering a curry chicken sandwich in a student-ran shop in college, but I hadn’t paid attention to an announcement that was made at the end of the class and I accidentally interrupted the minute of silence for a terrorist attack that had happened a few days before
I remember a pause for a minute’s silence announced in the upper concourse of a train station (UK) last year. It was disconcertingly comedic as the people walking in either on the phone or with a friend were very confused at why everyone inside was standing motionless and glaring at them.
Honestly fuck those intercom announcements. If you want to have a minute of silence, say “we will now have a minute of silence” instead of “mrrrr mrr mrrr mr drrrrr mrrrrr mrrrrr-mrrrrrrrr” fucking shit quality can’t understand a word they say
It was an announcement in class by the teachers
Ah well then you’re just a dummy.
Similar situation, I was at an antiques shop with my parents, on November 11th, which here in the UK is a day of remembrance for people who died during WW1 and WW2. We’re observing the moment of silence, when an American guy walks in, notices the silence and loudly exclaims “Wow, who died? It’s like a mausoleum in here!” Someone, thankfully, took him to the side and quietly explained what was happening. He did apologise afterwards. I found the whole situation very funny.
Went to a cousin’s wedding, her parents split when she was little so I’d not seen my Uncle Mal for decades. Tbh everyone was expecting him not to show because he’s a selfish twat and knows nobody likes him.
Surprise, Mal is here. He had an inexplicably-attractive, younger date (Mal was a disgusting, horrid-breathed, lumpy old man and his date was a pretty, well-spoken woman in her 30s so we all assumed she was an escort, as Mal has no redeeming qualities).
The whole time everyone is desperately avoiding being stuck alone with him, and everyone is talking about having the same conversation… Mal has written a book, he’s a writer now, and he’s written a poem he wants to read.
He was given many hints, subtle and not-so-subtle that his poem wasn’t wanted and he agreed not to read it. Unfortunately whether due to ego or wine, he loudly interrupted someone elses toast to announce he had a poem to read. Our collective hearts sank.
It was worse than we expected, at one point including cringe-inducing references to his daughter having large breasts. It went on and on for at least 5 minutes of everyone silently looking at the floor, sneaking the occasional “No way he just said that?!” glances at each other. He eventually finished, and just stood there awkwardly for about 10 secs, I assume waiting for applause, which obviously was not forthcoming.
Read the fucking room Mal, no-one wants to hear your shitty poem and no-one cares that you’re (allegedly) a published writer now. And your breath smells like a fart pushed through an onion.
I swear this feels like a plot point from a Righteous Gemstones episode. Sounds like you have a real life Uncle Baby Billy
I’ve been meaning to watch this show but I was put off by the evangelical-ness of it… worth watching then? This happened in the UK about 8 yrs ago!
I was the same way. Especially as someone who lives in Texas and is surrounded by those types. Not to give anything away but it is closer to mobster than evangelicals.
Always looking for new funny shows to watch so I’ll give it a go, thanks for the rec.
And your breath smells like a fart pushed through an onion.
My sides
Honesty compels me to inform you that this ending sentence was shamelessly stolen from It’s Always Sunny. Highly recommend it, first season is a bit ropey as they are literally filming, writing, scripting themselves with no experience and at the start of their acting careers. An incredible show though imo!
I could just hear the tone in your voice when reading this. Great storytelling.
“Don’t you all have phones!?”
I was an interpreter for this event, and I was the one covering this part of the panel. As an ex-Blizz fan, this moment is seared in my memory for many reasons. The shame of having to interpret this not the least.
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Oh, wow.
Yup, I was there as well. The bride moment of dead silence followed by booing after they announced it will forever be etched into my brain. To be fair though, poor Wyatt was set up and was never going to land that pitch in that setting.
Former CEO gathers 20-30 of us in the board room, talks about the difficult economy, proceeds to fire everyone.
The silence was deafening.
The meeting ends, he stands at the door expecting us to shake his hand as we leave.
Not a single person shook his hand.
At least he didn’t publicly share what his bonus was going to be for improving the bottom line.
Never forget that the year Lehman Brothers “collapsed” it paid the CEO 700 million dollars for one years worth of work.
Back in the day I worked in a restaurant that closed down, and the owner tried to steal all of our last two weeks’ pay.
It had been announced ahead of time that the place was going to close at the end of the month, and we were actually a very popular place, so the last two weeks were completely sold out, crazy busy, and there should have been lots of tips. After we closed, they kept dragging out the date we could get out last paychecks, then finally just tried saying, “there won’t be any last paychecks.”
All of us employees got together with a lawyer and they sent a letter saying that they needed to give us our last paychecks or we would file a class action lawsuit for all the tips they’d been stealing out of the tip pool. He then relented and agreed to pay us our last checks, but refused to mail them. When I went to pick up the check, dude really had the balls to try to shake my hand and say, “Hey Turtle Joe, how’s the summer going? Take any vacations or anything?”
I left him hanging and said, “No I’ve been out of work for months now. I’m not here to talk to you, I just need my check.”
P.S. we sued him for wage theft anyway and ended up taking him for almost $200k.
We had a big mandatory meeting where an executive came in to tell us all to be happy we weren’t getting our bonuses or pay raises, and used a weird analogy about poor people being perfectly happy, because they have realistic expectations and that’s all you need to be happy.
He then had to leave early, as he quipped he was sharing a ride with a fellow executive on the private jet, and if he didn’t leave right then, he’d have to suffer flying commercial.
Please tell me someone recorded this utter waste of oxygen doing the equivalent of stepping on garden tools in a Looney Tunes short. That’s so monstrously fucking stupid it could be funny (if the old adage of tragedy + time = comedy holds true, anyways).
It’s funny when summarized, but sitting there for over an hour to set up the punchline drained all enjoyment from life.
If someone bothered to record it, I’ve no idea. Nowadays (different company) all such meetings are recorded and made available, but haven’t seen an executive say something quite so boneheaded in general.
New hire, brought on board comes to a Monday meeting.
The company Quality of Worklife Balance survey has been returned, and it’s awful. It’s just after the 2008 crash, and we’re barely treading water, but the company held on. The CIO brought everyone into the largest conference room, meant for hundreds (there’s a couple dozen of us standing around, the chairs weren’t setup) and we stand around her as she procedes to tell us “Why is your QWL so low, you should be talking to your managers about this! I don’t wanna see another QWL survey this bad ever!” In a very yelly tone.
One of the managers raised their hand, and asked, “Folks feel like they’re not being listened to and that they’re not getting enough leeway to make decisions.”
CIO: “Well they need to get over that.”
And that was the first meeting a bunch of developers and IT folks got to see at that company.
Many other shenanigans occurred there, but my personal favorite was the quarter million dollar genset system all setup and tested multiple times – fueled and ready to go, failed in a major power outage because someone left the key in the “test” position on the generator.
– That CIO thought they led people, they did nothing of the sort.
I heard this years later by my former boss. He used to work for a company that just announced some lay-offs because work was slow. Right as the lay-offs were being announced the head of the company pulled into the lot with his new Porsche lease. It was terrible timing, but the corporate lease was up and the car was ordered months prior. Just made the owner look especially tone-deaf since the car came the same say as the lay-off announcement.
Why are most of the stories here about dickhead executives
The janitor doesn’t usually have to address an entire room full of people.
I know hating on CEOs is par for the course for Lemmy, and I tend to agree most of the time, but being fair here, it isn’t that often that lower (or even middle) ranking employees have a chance to speak to 10, 20 or 100+ coworkers at the same time.
Depends. I work for a company that uses the SAFe methodology (whether that’s a good thing is a different discussion) there are tons of opportunities for people on the bottom of the org chart to do this.
Even in those contexts, the time is limited, tends to stay on point of some work, and in practice the audience can and will largely ignore the speakers.
Meanwhile, executives schedule regular mandatory meetings for them to spew words for 2 hours to an audience that is expected to have laptops put away and sit there and listen to the executive ramble on. That’s a whole lot of people stuck in a meeting they didn’t want anyway and a whole lot of time for the executive to go on self-involved tangents that are completely at odds with the bad news he might have to say.
Dickhead executives are exactly the sort of people to get in a large room of people forced to be in it, and explicitly not care about “reading the room”, therefore the most likely to be in the situation, with the largest forced audiences to go talk about it.
that reminds me of a meeting I was in with the CEO of the company I worked for and we went around the room sharing our hobbies. Everyone said things like reading books or baking or playing video games or whatever.
The CEO said collecting vintage cars.
The CEO said collecting vintage cars.
I know people aren’t going to believe this, but honestly, you don’t need to be a bazillionaire to collect vintage cars. It sure helps (a lot!!), but depending upon what he was collecting, you can buy certain classics for (relatively speaking) cheap.
The director at my old company was into classic cars too and we would shoot-the-shit all the time about his cars and mine.
Yeah, this isn’t as bad as “fabrege eggs” or “Picassos” or something. He could totally be buying nothing but LeMans heritage race cars, but you can get some really nice cars for way less than you’d think. If it’s your only hobby and you do lots of trading and looking for barn finds, you can have a decent collection for not a whole lot of money.
probably cheaper than my cycling hobby too
Celebrities singing Imagine
I completely forgot this happened. 😂 Wow, that was wild.
“Don’t you guys have phones?”
Biggest physical room I’ve witnessed a misread happen in
“Is this some out of season April fools joke?”
There it is.
As an autistic person with ADHD I am going to leave this one alone. 😬
Lady at work told our office one day at lunch that her chihuahua died because it poked its head thru the fence and the neighbours rottweiler bit its head clean off. I could not stop laughing for the rest of the day. Even now its hard not to laugh. I know Im disgusting for thinking it funny, I love animals and would never hurt one, but it was the way she said it, “clean off, i went to take him away from the fence and his collar fell off, his head was completely gone. Neighbours dog at it.”
I know in real life it must have been gory and tragic, and I would normally never laugh about someone losing a pet, but the first mental image that comes to mind for me is cartoony and ridiculous so I’m with you on this one
Joke way to tell people, “As an autistic/ADHD person, if you want me to be able to read the room you better write it down. Preferably with bold text an bright colors.”
Had a teacher tell some students that it’s rude to speak a foreign language in school (an international school)
I had to be this teacher to a bunch of 8 year old Chinese girls who only spoke Mandarin purposefully to ostracize Brazilian girl, the only non Chinese girl in the room.
It was an English speaking international school in mainland China that incouraged speaking primarily in English.
Unity - “hold my beer”
This was the main example I had in my head when making this post.
One time the company big boss did a speech telling us how we could all learn a thing or two from his protégé, and clapped him on the shoulder.
If big boss had spent more time in the office, he’d have known that Mr Protégé spent most of his working hours playing ping-pong with Big Boss’s trophy-wife.
You could argue that he wasn’t wrong.
went to an international boarding school that had a very diverse spectrum of political beliefs
I was in the school’s pride club, and my senior year this very charismatic kid, Ken, joined. Ken was an international student
we start our first meeting, and Ken is a vibrant member of the group. but he’s saying some very… odd things. he’s talking about how gay people are mentally ill and need to be helped, lotsa fun stuff
the club leader very patiently pushes back on him on this, and eventually asks “well it’s not like any gay people are here now, right?”
… he didn’t come back after that meeting
