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How every Neo-Nazi should be handled.
I love this.
😮
That kid that kept the gold tooth on a necklace was me.
I almost ran over a moose with a ship
I know someone who did. The police did NOT believe them. But eventually they where convinced to show up at the road close to the lake, as they didn’t actually have a code for “hitting wild life with boat”.
I woke up one morning and found a skinned moose in my yard.
RFK Jr. dumped it there
OMG!
Much better than waking up naked next to it. Not that I’d know what that’s like. Nope.
I was the victim of a drive-by ketchupping.
I had someone do a driveby breadding.
Walking down the street and some wanker throws a loaf of bread at me from his car as he drive past. The whole loaf, plastic bag an all.
I once waited in line at a costume shop while two guys argued about whether getting hit by a ship voided the “no fault” deposit warranty on a moose costume.
I’ve had 7 car-deer collisions.
Deer hate you and are trying to kill you.
Deer are just rats with plenty of room to grow.
Santa?
I believe that. Around here everybody’s hit at least one.
I once exploded one. I was going pretty fast down a hill and the poor bastard stepped right out in front of my 1984 Grand Marquis.
When I say exploded, I mean EXPLODED. I had to hit the windshield wipers because all I could see was blood and grass.
He only knocked a chunk out of my plastic grill, and I only saw a few chunks of him at the location of impact.
I got a moose one hunting season and decided to butcher it myself. Finished skinning the thing (took hours) and it just disappeared, no clue where it ended up.
RFK Jr’s car.
Omg I like how everyone is just doing collaborative fiction writing on here, like SCP: Lemmy Edition or something.
Lol wtf? The skin walker totally fucking played you, bro.
Wait, you skinned it for hours but it wasn’t dead, and just walked off? Or it was dead and some animal took it while you weren’t looking?
When I was 10, I went on a trip to Venezuela. At this restaurant in Caracas, I went into the bathroom. It was a single person bathroom. For some reason the door had slide locks on both sides. While I was in there, some kid locked the door from the outside (I could see through a narrow gap). It was a real door, not a stall door. I couldn’t unlock it. I started panicking a little and kicking the door. Eventually a waiter let me out.
I’m still confused about why that door could be locked on the outside.
I heard about a Chinese Tourist couple going to somewhete in Southeast Asia (I think I was like Cambodia or Thailand, can’t quite remember), and in a restaurant the woman went to the bathroom while the husband (or boyfriend? forgot the details) waited, then a long time came by and he went to check and she wasn’t there, and there was another door in the bathroom, like a door within the bathroom that leads to a backdoor out of the restaurant or something, basically, someone entered through the other door (which doesn’t go through the main restaurant) and just kidnapped her. Local law enforcement couldn’t find her, and their embassy couldn’t do much.
She was found at a circus in I think the same country like 2 or 3 year later, very close to the restaurant they were at, and she no longer recognizes her husband, or any relatives for that matter, like she got brainwashed / memory lost or something.
That story was creepy as hell, no idea if it was true or some heresay shit. But I’m not surprised, tourists get kidnapped all the time.
Edit: Also, because of this story, my mom got afraid of certain bathrooms lol. Like we went to some national/state park in the US, and there are public bathrooms, and my mom (she told me the aforementioned story btw) saw some other door inside the bathroom (I think its for maintaince workers where they store cleaning tools something) and she got scared and was deciding if we should go somewhere else for bathroom, but ultimate decided to just use the bathroom and left the door unlocked while my dad waited outside. Nothing happened. But while we were leaving, some dude walked by and she got scared lol.
That sounds like a racist story made up to stoke fear.
I like your story, but what part of it nobody believe ?
I’m not sure who believes and who doesn’t, but I’ve been in more than 30 car collisions. I’m not sure exactly how many because I’ve lost track.
One was an offset head-on collision. I think the other driver fell asleep. He claimed I came into his lane and hit him, but the impact shattered the windshield washer fluid in my car, and destroyed the front-right tire. The impact left a puddle of fluid in the middle of my lane, and the rim of the front right wheel left grooves in the street leading from where my car stopped back to the point of impact.
I was sideswiped three times. All three were hit and runs. One of them was caught on my dash cam and I got my deductible back. The other two got away.
All the rest were rear-end collisions. It happened so many times that I started to think I must be doing something wrong, but I couldn’t figure out what. Around that time I happened to look in the rear view mirror just before the impact to see the driver looking down at something on the passenger seat beside him.
Since then, I’ve understandably become very aware of what the drivers behind me are doing.
The last two times:
In late 2021 I was approaching an intersection and had a green light, but on the other side of the intersection was a school bus letting out kids. I stopped, and the jeep behind me hit me at full speed. My truck was totaled. I was knocked very briefly unconscious, but I was able to control the truck as I was pushed through the intersection and stopped.
Ironically, I had been thinking about trading in my truck for a new model. That day, on the drive home before the collision, I decided I wanted to keep it.
At the time, getting a replacement took months. I was getting to and from work driving the Civic that we bought for the kids to use. Two months after the truck was totaled I was in slow, stop-and-go traffic. Every time I had to stop, the car behind me would pull all the way up to within inches of my bumper. I wanted to scream at him. Of course, the person behind him hit him, and pushed him into me.
Luckily, that time it was slow, low speed impact. Easy damage to fix.
For the love of all that’s holy, follow at a safe distance! Three seconds minimum between you and the car in front of you. And when you stop, stop far enough back to see where the tires on the car in front of you touch the street.
If you want to slipstream (aka, drafting), become a race car driver.
Whenever you see a driver following too closely or driving erratically try to get away from them, change lanes, let them pass, whatever. Also try not to drive next to other cars. Stagger positions so if they have to serve into your lane they won’t hit you. Last tip is don’t drive in people’s blind spot when they are in the next lane. Pull ahead of them or let them get in front of you
I learned in New Jersey: driver following too close? Foot off the gas. You do not put it back on until they have angrily passed you and sped off into the night.
30? Insurance must be a nightmare
I haven’t had my rates increase noticeably for any of the accidents.
Well, not 30 for me, but I’ve been rear ended driving ~5 times. Not even sudden stop issues or anything, like, literally sitting at a stop light and the next person just doesn’t stop and hits me.
One time was waiting for a train and a dude in a huge SUV slammed into me. They tried to offer me $200 cash to not report it to insurance, I said fuck off. Ended up being like a $12,000 repair and they literally said, “fuck you” on the phone to me with the insurance agents on the line.
Went to an orgy and didn’t have sex with anyone, on purpose. I did, however, play naked baby oil handcuff twister. Which was hilarious and painful.
The internet never fails to make me feel vanilla AF.
I always like to play “Whorer Hoedown” on Halloween.
it’s a game where I watch the adults walking down my street on Halloween and see if I can guess which ones are going to the swinger orgies before they get there.
I’m pretty good tbh.
I don’t see how that’s hard to believe.
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I saw a guy dressed as a moose carrying another guy who looked stoned get almost run over by a ship.
Dropping acid at the furry convention…
i saw a boat almost hit a guy riding a moose
How was a boat riding a moose? Hue hue
When I was around 6-7 years old (I am now 68) I was given money to get something at the store by my parents. All I remember is I no longer had the money when I got home . I did not spend the money. Have no idea what happened. Was razzed about it for years. They said I spent it on candy.
Must’ve been the wind
Had a similar thing happen to me, but I believe my dumb ass just lost it
6-7 years old
🤭
Back in my day we had to make do with only shfifty five!
Dammit.
I used a saw to remove a dead men’s leg.
Was he dead before you started removing it?
Why did you do that? Tissue harvesting?
Sometimes you get bored…
Leg wasn’t going to saw itself off.
We all went through that phase at one time or another.
Late in my high school career I got accosted by some dillweed in an empty hallway. I have no idea what his beef was, but what with my lifelong predilection for being an insufferable snarky asshole it’s not tough to imagine pretty much anybody could potentially have a bee in their bonnet over something I said to them at some point, once they had a couple of days to ruminate over it and maybe look up some of the longer words. And for all anyone knew I was just some scrawny nerd who did calligraphy and played stupid card games. Easy pickings.
Anyway, this punk comes stampeding up to me while popping off at the mouth over how he’s going to whoop my ass and I’m a bitch and this and that and the other thing. I figure I know what he’s going to do. He’s either going to do that braindead bully maneuver where he tries to crowd your personal space with his face 2" in front of yours while yelling and flapping his arms around behind and to the sides like a hysterial chicken, in which case I’m going to kick him smartly in the balls. That, or he’s going to try to tackle me.
He tries to tackle me.
Since I saw this coming from a mile away I cut him off by grabbing him by the throat with one hand, roughly the belt with the other, used his own momentum to hoist him up onto one shoulder, and I swear upon my oath that I did a Shinkuu Nage on this motherfucker right over my head and threw him flat on his back onto the tile floor.
Pose at the end and everything. I couldn’t resist. No one witnessed this except him and me. I wish I had it on video. And that was the end of that. Curiously, after this it seems he had suddenly run out of things to say. He elected not to get up. I left him there and walked away.
I did a lot of unwisely flamboyant kung-fu shit on people in my younger years, often to only middling success. But this was perfect, and I will probably never pull it off again so long as I live.
