Welp, guess he’s not dead after all.
Wtf??? That worthless fucking ghoul is still alive???
This is an absolute ass timeline…
Nothing good ever happens
Ooh, they’ve done a really good job on him. You can’t even see the strings!
Somehow, Mitch McConnell returned
“My recovery has been a long and often frustrating process, and the lingering effects of childhood polio haven’t made it any easier,” McConnell said
He’s old enough to have had polio.
Well. He’s certainly not young enough to have had polio.
But they want to ban vaccines.
Rumor has it he arrived on Earth on the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs
He’s like 10 years older than Ruby Bridges, I think. That would have made him old enough to scream at her while she was going into her school building or throw rocks at black people going into soda fountains.
and the lingering effects of childhood polio haven’t made it any easier
Good. Die.
Worth it
He’s a Chucky Cheese animatronic.
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The only vegetable in America that hasn’t been recalled.
Dear Mitch,
You look as fresh as spring lettuce.
Love,
Taylor Farms
The only thing that makes sense to me is he’s completely unable to speak. Other than that, no idea why everything would have unfolded the way it did and is.
Edit: He’s talking too. Something stinks. Not saying it’s not him, but there’s something being hidden for sure.
It took some time for the dark magic absorbed through the ritual sacrifice of Lindsey Graham to fully restore Mitch to a shadow of his living self.
Every ladybug contained the essence of one youth. One young male, kept on Lindsey Graham’s body. Lindsey was the unholy vessel of the philosopher’s kidney stones. A host like no other. They had to use every single ladybug on Mitch. It wasn’t enough…
Took time to find a guy kinda looking like him and the bit of plastic surgery to add Mitches face skin to theirs.
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Are we sure it’s not a clone of Mitch, or a ghola perhaps.
He heard a vote about paid sick leave was presented, and so had to come in and vote against.
Death, are you sure you don’t need glasses?
Fuck it mate, we’ll pay for your lasik if you want.
How long can they move him around before the wire implants degrade?
Clock is still ticking motherfucker
Rigor mortis is the only thing that keeps him sitting up.
