You can only make things worse

You need to amass one kilogram of your own feces in a ceremonial bag for the power to take effect.

You can only make small changes, and it doesn’t always work. So, you don’t actually know if you have the power or if something slightly improbable happened.

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You get hit with the same side effect

The transformation takes about a week each way. So you have a lot of awkward time where you’ve got furry privates and horrible clawed hands while you wait for the change to complete.

but you can never transform back to a human

But only indoors and you immediately shit in the floor.

They’re all super racist and hate each other.

friendly to me.

In the biblical sense

rabies

Every single human animal hates your guts

They all try to come over to your place, even the insects.

Infinite bills

Infinite inflation

IRS audits, people kidnapping you and/or your family to get at your money, an inability to know who likes you for yourself and who just wants your money…

You only get infinite pennies.

It’s only ever in Krone, any money that you interact with or that is legally in your possession or control is immediately and universally recognized and physically changes to the equivalent amount in Norwegian Krone and is only usable in areas that accept it as currency.

However, the keyword is average. Sometimes you are extraordinarily good, and sometimes extraordinarily bad, but on the whole the average is slightly above.

Become slightly bad at things.

you lose control of your own when using the power.

Cause a shit, take a shit.

You can’t control your own

You remove superpower along with its side effects.

Saturation is a side effect of eating you won’t receive.

Your clothes do not teleport with you

It’s instant from everyone else’s perspective, you have a 5 minute cut scene that outlines the area you teleported to, but not a second goes by from the moment you teleport to after you are there.

You can only teleport to the middle of the Pacific Ocean

You also accidentally shift your brain every time you shape shift so you have to engrave messages into your arm like Memento.

You cannot forget the bad things, the pain, the emotions that went with them.

You can now only remember photographs, nothing else. You no longer know how to tie your shoes

Your memory is so bad that you need a binder full of photos just to find your way home from work each night. You can only remember things through photographs.

I once read a news article about a woman who had Eidetic memory (a.k.a. photographic memory). It made her life shitty. She was never “in the moment”, because everything triggered a memory. She could never forgive anybody for their past slights, because they were always fresh in her memory. It wasn’t the ability to recall anything you wanted whenever you wanted to. Instead it was the condition where you constantly had detailed memories flooding in when something you saw, smelled, heard, tasted, felt, etc. triggered a memory, or a dozen memories.

You will remember everything since your contraception and remembering being born gives you severe PTSD

You walked in on your mom getting railed by the mailman while your dad was masturbating in his cuck chair, the lighting was immaculate.

It works on yourself as well

It works everytime you touch someone you admire or love.