I went years not eating these because of the terror and anxiety of having to open one. And one day by chance (dropped it in the sink that had water in it.) I found the secret to not getting the piss scared out of you.
Here it is. These cans are cardboard. Cardboard disintegrates in water.
If you peel back just a little of the paper. And sit it in a bowl, Make sure the side you peeled is facing down. and pour in a little water.
Then quickly leave the room or put it in your fridge or something. And in a minute or two it will pop open. And you will hear it from a safe distance. And you will be okay.
If you absolutely must buy packaged biscuits, buy the bagged, frozen Walmart brand and thank me later. Bonus: no PTSD, aside from being vastly superior.
Sincerely,
A southerner who’s eaten my share of biscuits.
I don’t think I knew these existed. Thanks 👍
Great Value brand in the plastic bag, frozen little discs you just pop on a baking sheet. Used to be $5 but probably $6-$7 now for like two dozen and they’re in a totally different league.
You just smack it on the edge of the counter. What the fuck?
Autism.
It’s actually called the startle reflex.
A lack of the startle reflex can be indicative of neurological problems. So it’s a pretty good feature to have.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Startle_response
However, like many reflexes, it can be over-ridden with effort.
Being ready for a response can often help negate a startle reflex.
However, I am unable to do that for these fucking canned biscuits! Although I can for other loud sounds.
I think it’s because I can’t perfectly predict when it will happen.
Years of trauma will not allow me to try breaking the can on the counter. Which would be a way to perfectly predict the sound. But I’ve been fearful of the biscuits for too long.
I’m right there with you. These, and balloons.
I also figured out how to pop balloons.
Pinch the bottom. Use scissors. Cut it. Let some air out slowly at first then you can let go once the pressure is lowered.
Figured out the best approach after helping clean up after family’s kids birthdays.
Kids love those damn balloons. A pain to pop them all. The kids help. Their approach was to sit on them.
Scissors better.
I fucking hate these things. Back in the day, you used a spoon and knew when it would pop. Who the fuck decided my biscuits should include a jump scare? Fuck whichever designer made me afraid of biscuits.
Yeah I think technically you are still supposed to use the spoon. But sometimes it would pop before you tried the spoon.
I just use water now and run into the other room to hide.
This was explicitly marketed as a no spoon thing, where you just peel the tab(?). It pops when it pops.
e: isn’t that the yellow string to the right in your picture?
Maybe it depends on the brand.?
Or time frame?
Maybe they used to require a spoon but now are “spoon free”.
Or maybe the spoon free wrap is proprietary. So only the pilsbury ones are spoon free while the generic ones I buy, are not.
?
Edit- okay so I have a can in my fridge. Its aldi brand.
Says to use spoon.
I think they reintroduced the ‘manual’ kind after a while, might have been limited or geographically bound. Not sure, but I expect they’re somewhat smart.
My experience is from the 90s-2000s. I haven’t used them in a while.
I love grabbing the ripcord like a safety pin and letting it go off like an adorable little gernard.
Would you like to play a game?
Omg.
No. I would not.
eyelid twitches
If canned dough gives you PTSD, you know you can just make your own?
I don’t like baking. And making anything with flour is a huge mess. Because I’m a messy bitch and that’s what what.
Wow, I had that EXACT jack in the box growing up.
You know what. I remember this one too. The box was tin right ?
Idk if it was mine or a cousin but I do remember playing with one. And trying to figure out how to predict the pop out based on song or tension of the arm but I don’t think I ever figured it out.
Sorcery.
Why wouldn’t they make a product with a built in way of forcing you to use it? Diabolical really.
I bet if they solved the opening problem they would sell a lot more. Whoever becomes a billionaire from reading this, please drop me like 50,000 please
My problem was always that I don’t need eight fucking croissant rolls at one time. And those things are inedible except when they’re fresh out of the oven. One of the grocery stores near me briefly sold half-sized tubes of them which was great, but the price was higher than the regular size.
I know a lot of people that don’t buy them for this reason.
There has to be a better way.
