Hows the married life?

Oh you know, living the dream. Each day’s better than the next.

“I hope your day is as pleasant as you are”

If you get mad, it’s an admission that you’re an asshole.

My boss (who is horrible) gave out little encouragement cards to everyone. I’m one of two especially vocal people in my department. We both got cards that say “You never cease to amaze me.” 🤣🤣🤣 I keep it on my desk as a badge of honor.

Back in the early 90’s I managed a Radio Shack and had an employee that could get away with murder talking to customers.

One day he was at the counter showing one of our regular customers programmable police scanners. One thing about this regular customer was he was dumb as a brick. He often brought back items because he flat out could not figure out how to use them. My employee was DETERMINED to sell this guy a programmable scanner, not the easiest bit of kit to use, and not have him return it. On the 4th time trying to show the guy how to program it my employee looked the customer straight in the face and said this gem:

“Don’t worry, you just have to be smarter than the product.”

Fortunately, he was the only customer in the store. I was standing at the other end of the counter working on a display when I heard that. I had to run to the back room before exploding with laughter.

The customer never caught on. He even walked out with one of the most expensive scanners and he never returned it.

Just because you look at the pretty pictures in the yearbook does not mean any of them are your friend.

You still have an opportunity to impress me.

You are impossible to underestimate

I’m in Texas and here’s it’s - Bless your heart.

I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you weren’t.

How come your brother is so smart?