creates freewill
also creates rules and punishments for not doing what he wants
Religion makes a lot more sense when you think of it like parents lying to their kids to get them to behave.
Like yeah, don’t kill each other because uh… because someone is watching and will kill you twice as hard forever.
Point is, the elf on the shelf is my lord and savior.
Soooooo, back in 2016 I had never heard of elf on the shelf. I come over to my sisters house on Christmas Eve. I have a 4 year old niece. Whenever I’d come over, I’d grab the nearest toy and start playing. I think you can see where this is headed.
I hug my niece and right near the door is a little table. On it, I see this little doll. I grab it and say “Oh, hi (her name), you wanna play?”
Usually when I do that in my funny voices, I get smiles, and clapping and giggles. Not this time.
IMMEDIATE banshee screaming, followed by full waterworks. I have no idea what is going on. I know I did something, but I cannot piece it together.
All of this within a few seconds. My family is now screaming NOOOOOOO!!! and my sister WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???
And my niece is now on the floor wailing. Full on crying like I killed a cat or something.
Meanwhile I STILL don’t know what is even happening in this moment. I know I hugged my niece, picked up a doll, and now everyone hates me.
Finally my brother in law sees the scene and saves the day.
“Heeeeeey, it’s ok! Uncle doesn’t live here! It’s powers can only be affected by people who live here?”
And my niece stops crying.
“So Christmas isn’t ruined?”
“No! Christmas is still happening just as normal. Everything is fine.”
My niece gives me a dirty look, and runs off to her room. Then my mom explained what just happened. And now I get it. Would have been helpful to know BEFORE I came over…
And thats the story of how I was the villain who killed a childs Christmas for 45 seconds.
I have hated Elf on a Shelf ever since. Stupid fucking concept. Plus it normalizes mass surveilance. Though, I guess the same is true of Santa Claus. And the Easter Bunny. And God. And The Tooth Fairy.
Though, to be fair, The Tooth Fairy might not actually be engaging in surveilance. Maybe she just has a tooth sensor installed in your pillow. It was never made clear to me the logistics of The Tooth Fairy.
Gives you consciousness, love and the power to deeply connect and bond with your loved ones.
Also
you’re all mortal, have fun missing the fuck out of each other when the random clock strikes “YA DEAD”.
Also creates two sexes so that there can be a complicated method of procreation … makes the act very enjoyable … even makes using the parts by yourself very enjoyable
Bans everyone from doing it or even thinking about it and only allows them to do it to reproduce … watches everyone who even thinks about doing it or acting out on it
Do unto thee but not on your wee or something
“Ask not what you can do for your country … but who in your country you can do” - President Bill Clinton
On the adam and eve thing sex was created to survive in the world of sin. Been ages since I was at that nuns school so Im certain theres a gap in knowledge
That’s also hilarious logic … God creates man in his own image … God creates woman because ‘reasons’ and makes the decision to give her an opening that physically compliments his appendage … then places them both in a garden where they are completely unaware of why the anatomy between their legs is so different between the two of them. Tells the two of them not to eat this particular apple … but they eat it anyway, so God throws an epic eternal hissy fit, throws them out of the garden because the apple has caused them to look at their junk and think that they could rub up against one another and he could penetrate her and it would be totally fun for both of them
For a guy who totally created everything in the universe … you’d think he could be able to hit the reset button on all this and just not allow any created person any chance of gaining any kind of knowledge and just let them live out their existence like a beautiful flower or a tree and not disturb anything or anyone
Ooooops, did anyone say STDs? Do what comes naturally, but, you know. Ya might die.
If god was real this would be funny.
God is such a piece of shit haha.
He added salt to the water so that it would evaporate faster and reach the areas where there is no sea. 🌧😇
Oceans weren’t originally that salty, instead were delightfully seasoned by the sins of God’s creations.
Good Guy God: Yeah, but you tasted them skrimps yet?
He created the world as a paradise, for sharks omly
