I (23M) started therapy today, hooray!
Only problem is, my family is too goddamn spicy. Once I got into my brother’s (25M) increasingly homicidal fantasies and animal killings, she stopped me before I mentioned the threats he made to kill people and told me that she is a mandated reporter and has an obligation to report certain situations to the authorities.
I think adding police to the equation will make everything worse and immediately paint a target on my back because I am the only one who would ever disclose the violence that happens under this roof. It might result in me being homeless if I have to flee for my life. I live in Ohio and it’s the middle of winter, so not a great start.
I wanted to work with a therapist because I grew up in this place and it traumatized me so badly that I’m scared of leaving this dump (not to mention, I have disabilities now that make that difficult). How much will I have to tiptoe around here? Is merely being afraid that someone will use violence against me reportable? What about if they fantasize about murder and domestic terrorism? What about violent crimes that they committed in the past? Or specific threats in the present?
Is therapy just not the right fit for this kind of thing? Did I end up with a heavy duty “fuck you” problem and therapy is just for “I feel sad sometimes” problems? It feels like bullshit to have to self-censor so much just because things were harder for me. How is throwing cops at the problem supposed to help when there is no universal basic sustenance or housing for the victims to escape to?
What are your experiences with mandated reporting, and how do you avoid triggering it?
Holy shit brother. You’re going to get knifed.
To directly answer your core question, you definitely should be in therapy to help you process this. Your anger at the people trying to help you SAVE YOUR DAMN LIFE FROM A MURDERER in this thread is a pretty clear loud fucking red alert klaxon that you need some help processing this.
However, the more pressing issue is that YOUR BROTHER IS GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU DON’T GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE and I do think you should consider prioritizing that in the short-to-medium term.
Therapists in OH are required by law to tell you the limits of confidentiality in your first session & likely have it additionally in writing. If yours didn’t, make an ethical complaint & sue them.
Your “problem” isn’t “heavy duty” for a therapist who is a trauma professional; It’s a normal 7/8 hrs a day for a them. If you don’t understand why mandated reporting is necessary my heart breaks for you.
Therapists in OH are required by law to tell you the limits of confidentiality in your first session & likely have it additionally in writing. If yours didn’t, make an ethical complaint & sue them.
They probably did do all of that, but it isn’t exactly something you internalize immediately I imagine, unless you know right away that you’re going to be talking about murderous relatives
Yeah suing his therapist is NOT what op needs to be doing here
The pattern your brother shows is familiar. It’s the same as with serial killers, it’s how they start. I’ve read a lot about the psychology behind these people and I’ve seen a lot of documentaries. First it’s fantasies, then it starts with animals, until that won’t be enough to feed the need.
Doing nothing has a high risk of animals and people getting hurt.
It’s good you got into therapy, but especially your brother needs help. And monitoring.
And you need a safe environment.
Thanks man real helpful, the words made me not live in a abusive family and cured my illness. Good that you watched documentaries on serial killers, otherwise where could we find such an expert.
How about the person is in distress and needs some kind of support to avoid a potentially dangerous situation, you are basically telling her that’s her problem good luck. In those situations, you don’t say anything if you something useful, him or her isn’t looking weak emotional support (that makes you feel better), they actually want advice.
If what they said was so unhelpful, then what does that make your comment?
Clearly you didn’t read the post nor my reply properly. It’s not a her, it’s a him. And he is worried about the police getting involved. I’m just saying that doing nothing is the bad option. Maybe I should be more clear that the police is the better option here. And I adviced to get out of the abusive environment. I never said it’s his problem, he’s getting help from his therapist and basically what I said is that he should let her do her job. Also, I didn’t just watch documentaries, I also read a lot of scientific papers on this subject.
So I did gave advice, not weak emotional support. I don’t get where you got “weak emotional support” from. So what are you on about mate
the words made me not live in a abusive family and cured my illness
Maybe you should get out of that situation too and go to therapy.
Yes you did, your advice was basically, your brother is a serial killer and you should let the therapists contact authority, and you deserve better. How is that not a thoughts and prayers message.
First of all reading and watch documentaries about serial killer makes you the reverse of an expert, you are now filled with strong bias on serial killer profile, in dramatized version.
Second you don’t know him or the situation he is facing, his asking for advice on how to stop his therapist to go to the authorities because that would according to HIM put HIM in a much worse situation.
Yes you did, your advice was basically, your brother is a serial killer and you should let the therapists contact authority, and you deserve better. How is that not a thoughts and prayers message.
“Was basically” and then make a poor summery.
First of all reading and watch documentaries about serial killer makes you the reverse of an expert, you are now filled with strong bias on serial killer profile, in dramatized version.
Yeah what do scientists and experts know about it anyway, right? With their dramatized scientific papers and everything. I bet any socccermom on Facebook knows better, right? *big_sigh
Second you don’t know him or the situation he is facing, his asking for advice on how to stop his therapist to go to the authorities because that would according to HIM put HIM in a much worse situation.
I don’t need to know him or the situation he is facing, all I know is that he’s in a dangerous and toxic environment and he needs to get out ASAP. And I know his brother is a high risk for causing harm to him, animals and other people. So anything is better than to stay in this situation. A therapist is trained for these situations. The authorities too. Protecting such a harmful person is a danger to society. You don’t want to be in a situation where the guy killed someone (or you) while you could have done something, like expose his issues and protect yourself.
But if you know so much better, what are your qualifications?
You’re not a scientist or an expert, they went to study the issue, several years. Do you think you can replace their knowledge with dramatized books or documentaries?
Can a person be abusive, psychopath, narcissist one or the other or in combination without being a serial killer, probably right? and what is the ratio of people who are one of those or a combination that is not a serial killer?
Is it 1/10, 1/100, 1/1000… you don’t know, because you are not an expert. You can be a serial who has not demonstrated any of those traits, because you can be a high functioning psychopath and people don’t know you are one.
You know who is an expert on when the police should be called on a potential serial killer? Probably the mental health specialist the OP is going to for therapy! Get a grip man killing animals and fantasizing about killing the family you live with only leads one place.
Dude you still don’t understand the issue, it’s not illegal to fantasize about killing someone, you can’t put someone in prison for fantasizing, which means the guy will be out on the street and maybe want to murder the person that was responsible for him ending up in a police investigation. Do you think the police will give some one around the clock protection?
And no a psychiatrist is not an expert on when to call the police or when not to, they are mandated to do it if they SUSPECT a serious crime, it’s the law otherwise they will lose their license to practice.
Jesus fucking Christ
Dude I replied to you in the last thread.
Walk out of the house. Now.
Something your therapist would not have to report is if you asked for her help to create an escape plan.
You’ve said the therapy is helping you hold a mindset that doesn’t just accept your situation. So you don’t have to go into more detail right now about why it’s so bad.
You can just make your therapy plan:
Step 1 “Persuade my therapist to help me get myself into a safe and sustainable living situation away from my immediate family”
with the promise that then you’ll do
Step 2: “Tell my therapist everything she needs to send in the authorities, in order to protect others in the family and community.”
She may be able to connect you to support services you couldn’t access on your own. Both because of her professional authority and because she’s not stuck in the house with him watching, like you are.
I’m wishing you all the lucky breaks, OP.
If your therapist told you that, they have a moral and legal requirement to report it.
Your therapist is doing the right thing. Your family is actively harmful and you need to get out of there somehow.
Unfortunately, I’m disabled, jobless, and have nobody to go to. I would have left long ago if it were so easy for me to leave.
I agree with the principle, but in practice, the violence of American capitalism is what keeps me trapped here more than anything. If I end up on the street as a result of these interventions, I will freeze to death because the system doesn’t protect from homelessness. This kind of intervention would work great in a socialist society with guaranteed basic housing and sustenance, but that isn’t the reality right now. The reality is a system that brutalizes the most vulnerable and leaves them to die.
Want to point out that you can have this conversation with your therapist without triggering any disclosure alarms.
Find out what you can and can’t say.
For example, you can talk about how “the stress of home” effects you without saying what actions of others are.
Might feel like tip toeing, could also get you through whilst staying on the fine line
If your therapist lets you slide with that weak ass bullshit explanation, fire them immediately.
I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I was in a psych ward and my caseworker wanted to send me to a shelter instead of going back to my family. At the time I worried that would just make everything worse, but I’ve been questioning whether I should’ve done it or not for a while since everything got worse anyway. Obviously I don’t know your whole situation, but sometimes people are just unstable and will get worse with your influence or not.
As for how to hide it, I don’t know exactly what kinda wording you could use to talk about things. You could just avoid getting into detail about what your family actually does and just focus on how they make you feel.
Dang mate you’re getting soprano claused?
Any therapist or licensed professional (doctor, social workers, etc) will have to report something if it’s a credible threat to someone’s life. If your brother has homicidal ideations and makes threats, an investigation might not be terrible. Unless he literally never leaves the house and you are the only person that would know he’s ever made a threat, then your family will probably never know that you have anything to do with this. Strangers call the cops when they hear shit. If he’s loud, it could be a neighbor. Unless he’s agoraphobic, it could be anyone in your town who reported something weird.
Real talk. It sounds like they’re trying to help. So use their help to focus on the main problem, which is extrication from this horrible situation. They can help you navigate the many hurdles on the way to independence. It is probably possible. But will involve a lot of applications, appointments, networking, etc. You definitely need a contingency plan as well if things get too spicy quick. IE bug out bag and church basement/shelter/friendly business/friend where you can crash til you get your systems sorted.
I’d also ask them to let you know if you ever get close to that line where they have to report, if you don’t want them to. Help them play the game. They have signalled that they are willing. Work through the logistics of independence first, trauma later.
I agree with the other guy that said the therapist hinted heavily at what she has to report. Don’t tell her what she has to report.
Look up what is required of a mandated reporter and then decide if you can have sessions within those boundaries. It’s there to keep you safe and therapists have to protect themselves in the event something does happen. Homeless vs. hurt or dead. Might be worth asking for a reference to a social worker who can help you find a place to live. You’ve lived in this family for a long time so it seems normal to you and you love them and want to protect them, but violence is not normal and should not be tolerated for the sake of “the family”.
Oh I totally get this.
I’m in an immigrant family and I just never felt safe to “report abuse”, especially during the first 5 years in the US… I was a non-citizen and I just feared deportstion… I did not like China from my memory…
I mean my mom just instilled the fear of CPS onto me, plus I felt very “foreign”, just couldn’t trust anyone… so none of my teachers really knew the true extent of what happens at home, I never told them.
Now I go downstairs and feel my heart tremble… despite my mom repeatedly telling me “how much she loves me”, I just never really feel safe.
My older brother made me run away from home when I was in China…
When I was in Philly, I ran away from home again, again because of my brother.
Both times I just ran to my mother. She was my best protector, simultaneously she’s also my abuser.
I love my mother, and I also hate my mother. But I also need her approval. Idk wtf is wrong with my brain…
Even now with citizenship, I’m TERRIFIED of venturing out in the world… I don’t know how to like… “survive” do basic “adult” stuff… I feel scared when I go outside by myself. I don’t even feel like anyone can really help me.
I’m just alone.
In China, police don’t do shit about domestic violence, it’s just “private matters”, nobody ever involves police.
So this sentiment followed us here.
Also like… I doubt white cops even give a shit about us minorities, we’ll all just get shot to death.
Therapists are there for your money, not for you.
I know that finding a good therapist is hard and can cost a lot of money, But let’s not forget that many therapists out there genuinely want to help people. I have a lot of problems with the field of psychology in its current state, but if you can find the right therapist for you, it can be life saving and worth every penny.
Oh man, what a great helpful comment! I’m sure your days are as pleasant to experience first hand as your comments are to read.
Ignorance is bliss.
