For context: I’m a young adult, I don’t think I have any serious brain issues yet.
But I’ve recently been just trying to remember the past and although its kinda tragic, there are very interesting moments and I want to keep these memories forever.
But brains aren’t perfect, and I’m just so scared.
Even re-reading the events from a journal woudn’t exactly be the same as remembering it.
Idk, I’m kinda just obsessed with some memories for some reason. Don’t wanna let go of it. Having this “backstory” (for lack of a better term), is what drives me forward, without those memories, like if I get a concussion and forgot everything, I wouldn’t really be… well… “me” anymore, and the thought of that is terrifying.
Mate, I look at it this way: if you’ve forgotten your memory, how would you know that you’ve lost it? You’ld just carry on.
I do not remember the name of a song that I listened to in the early 2010s, but I remember vague details. So yes, you can know you lost a memory.
I’m not sure that doesn’t make prospect even more terrifying.
Monk thought, monk didn’t remember…
There are people who exist with a syndrome where they have nearly perfect memory recall of their lived life and can remember nearly every moment of their lives very clearly.
Most of the people who live with it do not enjoy the experience.
Surprisingly, forgetting is a necessary and healthy thing, especially when it comes to things like traumatic experiences.
There’s actually been several social scientists who claim that the permanent memory of the internet is extremely damaging to young people because they literally cannot escape every deeply embarrassing mistake they made in their youth. It follows them, haunts them, colors every aspect of their life, especially if the embarrassing moment causes bullying against the young person, leaving them constantly afraid of someone noticing them lest that person bully them for their past embarrassments. They advocate the idea that society and humans need to be able to forget to have healthy lives.
Surprisingly, forgetting is a necessary and healthy thing, especially when it comes to things like traumatic experiences.
I have this nightmare of a traumatic experience when I was around 5-7 when I was just outside alone, after being in a fight with my brother, and my parents were at work, and I was still too afraid to go home. So I was alone for several hours wandering around tge city. (Stupid thing to do, but I was a kid and my brother was, in my mind, the danger)
I mean… I just…
Idk…
That could never be forgotten.
And I’m not sure I want to forget. Or if I could even forget.
Does forgetting that really improve my life?
It just lets my guard down around family members.
The other event is the unjustified arrest incident. I mean am I supposed to pretend that didn’t happen and that the cops are the good guys? Sorry I think I’m gonna need that memory.
Without the memories, I can’t navigate life and avoid the dangers.
Not really. Just because you can’t actively remember something doesn’t mean it’s lost. Just the pathways to that memory are not being stimulated at the time. There will be random times you remember something you thought you lost but the brain is resilient.
I’ve got some pre-forming-complex-thoughts memory about being on a hill at a beach that gets triggered whenever I smell a combo of salt and certain flowers. It’s a weirdly vivid but otherwise completely contextless image of just being on a little hill surrounded by sand interspersed with all these little white flowers, watching waves roll in. It’s such a strange and kind of confusing (because afaik, I did not grow up near or visit any beaches as a child) strain of nostalgia. Hits like a truck in the wild tho. Hard to explain the feeling beyond that. It’s just so very odd, and this comment reminded me of that strange…memory? Feeling? Idea? Not even sure what to call it, really.
Start journaling now.
Yeah… I told myself to start a year ago…
Maybe I’ll start tomorrow…
This. Reading what you personally write is really good for recalling the related memories. Doing it often will strengthen the connection.
My mom was put out for a big surgery, and she still has memory holes and foggy bits from the anesthetic and the morphine beforehand. If made her previous memories foggy and impairs new memory formation. So she’s a little fuddy, but it’s improving.
As someone with shitty memory: I forget a lot. Whole holidays, people, what I ate yesterday… I have always been that way, and so far I’ve been doing quite ok in life.
But while I forgot how it felt in a past, shitty job, I don’t forget how I promised myself to never work for such a boss again. Or how 16-year old me decided to stay in school aftet trying out metalworking over a summer. I may forget how it was, but I rarely forget what conclusion I drew from it. And that is what defines me as a person, not that I remember the face of my condescending, stupid boss.
Also, while it sucks, my life is my present. My past might be entirely hallucinated, and I might be hit by a bus tomorrow. But now, here, I am alive.
Was in an abusive long term relationship. I remember as I was breaking out of it suddenly remembering things I was legitimately repressing. I hated that.
I will say though on the idea of the death of the current self, that is sort of inevitable and absolutely neccery for the future you to exist. Kind of like how us now are different people then when we are 5 years old, and that’s a good thing, even if our existence at 5 was also a good thing.
I’ve found that you retain the important stuff, and unfortunately the embarrassing stuff.
Memory aids are a thing. So if a picture, song, smell, or object helps trigger a fond memory, then keep that thing around. Failing that, writing things down can help unlock the rest of a memory.
Music, and scent are the two main memory triggers though. If you can link a memory to one of those things then you’re golden.
Well if you forget them, you wouldn’t remember them to forget them.
Though seriously, I find interviews, photos, videos even of people telling stories helps. It’s the same idea that documentaries use to tell stories.
I have photos of childhood events that I can’t remember. I kinda don’t trust them, I feel like they are forged or something.
Logically it should be real, but I’m just so sus af, after seeing the Vsauce video about implanting memories into people.
I also feel this, also talking to my parents about things I think i remember only to be told I’m imagining it.
I dont really think theres any nefarious paranoia-inducing plot, but its fun to pretend sometimes.
I remember my brother got mad at me and tied me up when we were alone at home. I talked about it like a few years ago and my mother denied it happening. Like no wtf 6 years old me couldn’t have made that up, I literally remember the pain of just not being able to move, and its why I’m still scared of my older brother. And like if I push the subject, she’d make excuses like: “If that happened, he [my older brother] was still a child, you can’t blame him too much” or some BS. Bro he was 5 years older than me. Wtf.
Like I think I’m the only person in the entire world that still remembers, that shit literally cannot be forgotten. Abusers just delete their memories and pretend they are good people.
What if you had an object that would only help you remember that you had forgotten something, but not tell you what it was that you had forgotten?
Memories fade.
Take tons of pictures and videos now. Make sure you have storage and backups.
When I was younger I didn’t like taking pictures.
When I got older and had kids I didn’t want to spend all my times taking pictures. We were “building memories” was my excuse.
Now all I have are memories, but those will disappear when I cease to exist. I don’t like that one bit.
You can get genetic testing for Alzheimers done; I lived with the Fear for many years until I got the testing done and found I didn’t have the gene… such a relief. I’m still a forgetful fuck though
Having medical first hand experience with this: your long term memory is safe. Don’t be scared.
How old are you? Im 50 and Im beginning to lose some stuff from there
Almost there too and died once already, the fallout and heavy medication related to that was the main reason.
Meh, you won’t know what you forgot. And when you die you won’t know how it’s all gone. Best bet is to have kids - tell them your stories when they’re young (and can’t runaway). They’ll remember for a bit and tell their kids. In a way your memories will last forever.
Meh, you won’t know what you forgot.
Yeah but you might know that you forgot, and that you used to know.
Imagine one day looking at your kid and having no idea what their name is. You know you should know, you know you used to know, but now it’s gone.
That, but with everything important in your life. Scares the shit out of me!
Sounds quite simple - if you are healthy, nothing to do. If you fear losing memories - write them down. Like, a diary or journal, but you now write down what happened in the past, how you saw it, how you experience it. That way you have memories written down. You can also over time re-read them and update and double check do you still remember them the same way you used to, or do your memories get “watered down” over time.
You, me, and everyone else are the amalgamations and culminations of our individual life experiences. You don’t have to remember the details for those details to have happened and influenced you at the time.
I understand your concerns after having my first concussion almost two years ago now and unvaccinated covid three years before that. Both affected my cognitive state and speed of thinking/remembering, and I’ve wondered/worried how much weaker my mind may be than it could have been. But ultimately what I tell myself is that I can’t change those things, they’re just another thing that led me to now. All I can do is the best with what I have and trust that it will be enough.
But that’s just living with the doom and gloom. I think you may be surprised at what you do remember but can’t recall unprompted. One time I lost the game (I lost the game, sorry) around a friend of a friend who paused for a moment then exclaimed that it had been 15 or 20 years since he last thought about the game. So for all that time one could think he had forgotten, but as soon as something triggered his memory, it was there. Based on that, I advise that you trust that if you have a relevant memory, it will surface at the time it is relevant. Some level of self-reflection is good, but don’t let the reinforcement of old brain connections in memory stand in the way of forming new ones.
I used to be worried about this.
Once when I was very young, I wondered if I could fix a moment in my memory and keep it for life - so I tried it.
Stupid result: I still remember that moment quite well, many decades later. It was a dumb boring moment. I’m sure I would have long forgotten, if I hadn’t tried to keep it.
Now it is a precious memory of how I have always bent toward scientific method.
All that to say: memory works better and longer than I expected.
Works if you consciously burn it in. I’ve done the exact thing as you, consciously decided to remember a boring moment.
