Anything Glados from Portal 1/2–still one of very, very few games to actually make me laugh. But also the Cave Johnson “when life gives you lemons” rant comes to mind, because it’s both funny and poignant.
Favorite Glados ones:
- “We both said a lot of things that you’re going to regret.”
- “That thing you burned up isn’t important to me; it’s the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It makes shoes for orphans… Nice job breaking it, hero.”
And Cave Johnson:
- “When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! Demand to see life’s manager!”
- “Science isn’t about why. It’s about why not.”
Had to look it up to refresh my memory:
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“Nice job breaking it, hero.”
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“You are not a good person. You know that, right? Good people don’t get up here.”
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“Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. We weren’t even testing for that.”
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“Congratulations on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.”
You really need the full 2-minute audio of the lemons bit to get the gist. J.K. Simmons did an amazing job balancing funny and, “oh shit, am I…sad???..during the silly, funny puzzle game!?”
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You might also enjoy The Stanley Parable, it’s a very similar kind of humor, I recommend going in blind, as the game is a lot about exploring watching a funny dialogue in a video removes the fun out of it being a reaction to something you did.
“Well, This is the part where he kills us.”
“Hello. This is the part where I kill you.”
CHAPTER 9: THE PART WHERE HE KILLS YOU
Achievement Unlocked: The part where he kills you
<The part where he kills you music plays in backround>
Good god what an incredible sequence that was to play through for the first time. I was so busy laughing that it was, in fact, the part where he killed me.
“The right person in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world” - Half Life 2
The creepy gait of his voice gives me goosebumps every time.
DI fer Ence intheworld
Wololo.
Such a convincing argument, you have won me over… Why did my clothes change colour?
All your base are belong to us.
Someone set us up the bomb
!! WHAT YOU SAY !!
Even better in the techno remix. duck://player/xZPTYpTKOI0
This was a triumph
I’m making a note here, “Huge success”
It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction
Aperture Science
We do what we must because we can
For the good of all of us, except the ones who are deadWhat is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets.
I bought FC3 without knowing what the game was because of this monologue:
Vaas: "Did I ever tell you what the definition of insanity is?
Insanity is doing the exact same fucking thing, over and over again expecting shit to change. That. Is. Crazy.
The first time somebody told me that, I dunno, I thought they were bullshitting me, so, boom, I shot him. The thing is, he was right
And then I started seeing, everywhere I looked, everywhere I looked all these fucking pricks. Everywhere I looked, doing the exact same fucking thing… over and over and over and over again thinking: ‘This time is gonna be different.’ No, no, no please… ‘This time is gonna be different.’
I’m sorry, I don’t like… The way… you are looking at me,. Okay!? Do you have a fucking problem in your head, do you think I am bullshitting you, do you think I am lying? Fuck you! Okay? Fuck you!
It’s okay, man. I’m gonna chill, hermano. I’m gonna chill -
The thing is… Alright, the thing is I killed you once already. And it’s not like I am fucking crazy. It’s okay… It’s like water under the bridge
Did I ever tell you the definition… of insanity?
Ah shit here we go again.
Had to be me, someone else might’ve gotten it wrong.
I highly recommend everyone watch Angry Video Game Nerd’s video about this game if you have the inclination and 15 minutes to spare. This video sent my sides into orbit.
And didn’t forget the original Gamespot review.
No other game has ever been so trashed in so few words.
“The thing about happiness is that you only know you had it when it’s gone. I mean, you may think to yourself that you’re happy. But you don’t really believe it. You focus on the petty bullshit, or the next job, or whatever. It’s only looking back by comparison with what comes after that you really understand, that’s what happiness felt like.”
-Conrad Kellogg; Fallout 4.
I wish there had been a way for Kellog to be more than just “a guy you kill on the way to the institute”.
He deserved to be more fleshed out and used.
Kellogg should’ve been able to be a companion, with a rather high Charisma check or something.
“(while looking into the mirror) Despite everything, it’s still you.”, from Undertale.
Also a bunch of lines from the Happy Happy cult members in Earthbound.
LEROY JENKINS!
Protocol 3: Protect the Pilot
One of the best campaigns I have ever played and definetly my favourite shooter.
I WILL NOT LOSE ANOTHER PILOT.
