office work skills
Sounds like a good stand up comedy bit
This one hits a little too close to home…
Also, the word you’re looking for might be “abusive” rather than “strict”.
Extreme strictness is a form of abuse. These symptoms are particular, though not individually exclusive, to strictness. As long as you “behave” you avoid the material effects of the abuse. Other forms of abuse typically have fewer “rules” that can be used as safeguards.
- How to be attentive to one’s surrounds
- How To project effort
- conflict resolution
- Extemporaneous creative modeling
Ok but tbf those are all great skills to have
Add subterfuge and sneaking and it’s ninja training
Our parents used to lock up the TV, their room, and food. Guess who got really good at breaking into things and making it look like anything was amiss
There’s a difference between strict and abusive.
I once cut a small artery above my left elbow right before I left work (We were young and just fucking around) Cant remember my exact age, probably late 16 early 17. I took my undershirt off and tied it around my arm to try to slow the bleeding while I drove home. The blood goes threw the shirt, and is all over the inside car door, seatbelt and created a puddle on my pants in the creases because they were those Dickies work pants that are water resistant. When I got out of the car I heard the blood splat on the ground so I figured it was to much. Went inside tied yarn tightly above it and wrapped an old shirt again around it to replace that one as I didn’t have any superglue. I spent the hours of 330am-630am crawling in circles around the house with 2 bottles of resolve, paper towels and wet rags in a bucket trying to clean blood drops off the carpets and floors from when I walked in. The entire time dropping more blood in a near endless cleanup chain with only one thought on my mind. My mother is going to fucking kill me for getting blood on her carpets. At 630 (they open at 7), dizzy as all get out from lack of sleep and blood loss I got back in my car to drive to the clinic just hoping no one pulled me over or I passed out driving. I got there with a blood soaked rag wrapped around my arm and the lady handed me a 2 page clipboard to fill out and I remember staring at her with an expression that clearly said, can’t I fill this out while he stitches my arm? Of course not, so 5 minutes later I hand her a clip board mostly free of blood and paperwork that says I have no insurance.
The clinic doctor was great. Told him I had no insurance and couldn’t afford anesthetic and asked if he could just do it without. He cleaned it a bit, poked me with a needle of some kind and put in 7 or so stitches. Then marked it down as a consult or something, so I wasn’t charged with any of the items he needed/used. (Like $40 for the visit)
I’ll always remember that guy. Moral/point of the story though… If you are less afraid of bleeding to death than you are to ask your parents for help, your parents might be abusive as opposed to strict.
That’s a perfect example of where it isn’t strict, it’s abuse. Or at least right on the border.
Also, damn. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m just glad you found a doc that handled things right.
That is nowhere near the border. If your kid rather bleeds out than facing you because they got some blood on the carpet you’re far in abusive territory
This post is starting to make me think people say “strict” strictly as a euphemism.
What I think it means: The parents never bend the rules for their kids.
What it apparently means: The parents have anger problems.
The problem is it’s often difficult to admit you had abusive parents, and abusive parents love to describe themselves as just strict. So yeah it’s kinda a euphemism
Oof, that’s a sobering realization.
Yeah. And a lot of parental abuse happens in gray areas and with good intentions. Sure you have obvious cases, and they’re common enough I’d suspect most people know someone or another who was a victim to one. But there’s a hell of a lot of parents projecting their fears, traumas, or other issues relating to their kids onto them hard enough to fuck them up.
Yeah, it’s a thing. Word usage varies. One range of the various usages of strict is adhering to, or enforcing adherence to, a set of rules. It can also mean that part of “strict” is enforcing discipline to maintain those rules.
Taken to its extreme, it edges into authoritarian behaviors. But the usual, more typical usage would be far less extreme.
As an example, ever hear of a strict vegetarian? That just means that don’t deviate from the diet. That’s it.
The problem comes in when the usage of it as unnecessary, arbitrary, and cruel enforcement of rules for their own sake takes over. There are plenty of abusive people that would call themselves strict, despite violating boundaries and social mores in the process, which means they’re just pretending.
But there is a difference between a kid being tightly supervised and abuse. There’s an even bigger difference for having expectations for a kid’s behavior and activity and abuse. Both of those are strict, but not abuse.
The key to that difference is usually in how boundaries are handled. You also get different outcomes, and if the methodology being used isn’t adjusted to the individual kid, it’s often going to feel abusive no matter what the intent is.
Not all kids are going to respond the same way to any parenting methodology. Twins can even respond differently. So you absolutely have to be ready to adjust what you’re strict about and how that’s applied if you want to stay in line with the right balance of structure, support, and freedom. What one kid thrives with, the next may utterly reject and be harmed in the attempt.
Strict is bad enough.
Strict is only “bad” when the structure is bad.
Being strict about not playing with fire is a good thing. Being strict about never going near a campfire is, at best neutral, and could be bad when taken to an extreme. Being strict about never going camping is bad.
Strict only means keeping rules in place. It doesn’t mean you can’t be flexible, that you can’t adjust rules as the kid ages and matures. It definitely doesn’t mean the rules have to be arbitrary and can’t be explained and discussed.
You think being strict about a kid not using racial slurs is a bad thing?
Or making them see a doctor regularly and as needed?
Or that they bathe?
The list of things that can’t be negotiable is very long if you go into detail.
The list of things that can’t be negotiable at a given level of age and maturity isn’t short either.
Strict doesn’t have to be done badly at all. It’s just that uncompromising strictness is the opposite end of a slider from utter laissez faire. Which has just as many flaws.
There’s a reason that authoritative is the usual recommended goal; it’s being strict when necessary, and loose when not. But “strict” is part of that. Strict is making sure that there’s a reliable structure a kid can build a foundation of self on. It’s the walls of the sandbox and the sheet of material under out that keeps weeds from poking through.
The sandbox of development is the freedom to play within those boundaries. It doesn’t have to mean all noes, or all have tos.
Strict is, “you’ll do your homework because it’s part of the process of learning. When do you want to do it, and what can I do to help?”
Abusive is “you’ll do your homework or I’ll beat your ass”, and then beating their ass as the first and only option.
There is a difference between strict and abusive.
That’s literally what I said originally
I had a wonderful combination of “strict” but also “there aren’t actually rules.”
I could have handled even unreasonable expectations if they had been communicated. But there was no structure at all.
I could ask permission to do something, do it, and then have that permission retroactively revoked. I could have an entirely normal day without anything seeming off, then be grounded for a week because there were dishes in the sink or something.
It never made any sense.
Anecdotal observation from college: Lots of people got hammered on a weekend, at least sometimes, but the people who couldn’t draw a line and keep it from destroying their grades were mostly the ones whose parents kept them rigidly controlled at home. It seemed like those folks had no practice in drawing their own lines because their parents always drew the lines for them, so when they were on their own they went nuts. The preacher’s daughter is a cliche with a lot of truth.
What does “the preacher’s daughter” refer to?
The “Preacher’s Daughter” is a trope in a lot of media wherein the daughter of the local religious leader tends to be more likely to be a promiscuous troublemaker.
There’s a cliche about the daughter of the preacher being a total slut or otherwise problematic.
I’ve seen this myself too
That’s not strict, that’s abusive.
Btw, is there any laws against pissing on a grave, just wanna prepare for when my parents die.
Only if you get caught.
My mom was barely there on medication and my father just wasn’t. It was cool to be able to do whatever I wanted, but I had to make sure Mom fell asleep on her side.
Depends on what you mean by “strict”. I think the meme is about the parents who get angry over little things but don’t actually pay attention to their kids much - the ones who just assume that their kids would not dare to misbehave. However when I was in high school, I also saw plenty of kids (often immigrants) who had successfully been taught to work pretty much non-stop. I think their parents watched them (or at least their grades) closely enough that they couldn’t have gotten away with anything. It seemed to work well - they got straight A’s, never got in trouble, and went to prestigious universities. I can’t think of a single one I knew who burned out or rebelled (while in high school - I don’t know what happened to them afterwards). However, the ones I got to meet were already filtered, with the low- and medium-achievers not admitted to that school.
I’ve become so used to it that now I lie to any sort of authority figure or any authority adjacent figure out of habit.
I mean, I know plenty of kids who learned this without strict parents. School staff, daycare workers, business managers, cops… anyone in authority looking to impose rules also taught these lessons.
You’d think nobody on this sub has ever shoplifted before, ffs.
What is strict? When I was a kid that was a wooden spoon or a belt. Across the backside or hands. As well as a long list of chores. The strap still hung on the wall of the principal’s office at school as a warning but didn’t get used anymore. Mostly suspensions and expulsions were the flavor of the day.
I got called a strict parent on Lemmy not so long ago because we limit screen time in our house to an hour a day with some exceptions. Our kids walk to town alone at 10 years old though (2 km one way) and have the knowledge and awareness to manage on their own. We trust them and they in turn make mostly good choices. They are kids after all.
Also, strict doesn’t necessarily equal bad in the first place
I got paddled once at school in 6th grade (this was in the '70s when they still did that shit). Two whacks for talking during class or maybe it was because my desk was messy. The teacher let me choose between two paddles (an evil all by itself) and I foolishly chose the one with holes drilled in it (which leads to greater whack speed and less surface area hit). She took me out in the hall and her first blow missed badly - hit me on my hamstrings behind my knees and they kept hurting for days. She said “oh that one doesn’t count” and hit me on my ass twice more.
Weirdly enough, she had marched with Martin Luther King Jr. during the civil rights era and played his “I Have a Dream” speech for the class (not on the say day as my paddling, though).
looks like strict parents are the way to fit into the corporate world :p
