All the people here saying, “Just block them” - personally I just can’t help suspecting that these are the same people who themselves are insulting and abusing others, who in turn are saying “Just block them”.

The solution is not that everyone blocks everyone else. The solution is that we behave civilly and respectfully to each other.

When I start to feel irked I imagine it’s Colin Robinson on the other side so there’s no reason to engage.

There’s a couple things at play here when you talk to people online.

Ultimately, there’s a difference between feeling attacked and being attacked. Both are common in online discussions.

Why do people attack people?

The anonymity and distance of the internet makes it easier for people to share strong opinions - for better or worse. There’s a certain amount of psychology around the design of social media that pushes people towards confrontation.

Sometimes aggression is the default state for people. Depending on your world view that might be either sad or necessary.

That said, I believe there’s a difference between a justified attack and an unjustified one. If someone is spreading hate, we all owe it to the community to fuck that person up with our words. If someone shares a harmless opinion then there isn’t much call for a personal attack.

Why do I feel attacked?

If you feel attacked on the internet, there’s ultimately two possibilities: you’re being attacked or you’re mistaken. For the sake of this section, let’s say you’re mistaken.

Non-verbal communication is an essential part of communication between humans, and is something that’s hard to replicate in text. Ultimately, our non-verbal cues set an expected tone.

Sometimes when writing we recognize this and use a tonal indicator to set expectations. Emoji 🙄, gestures *rolls eyes* and, appending flags /s are all ways that we might set tone. These three examples all indicate “sarcasm” which for many people seems to be the default way to express themselves.

Sarcasm in particular is problematic because it often inverts the meaning of what was said. The phrase, “oh yeah, brilliant idea” has opposite interpretations if you’re being sarcastic. Sometimes the writer assumes the reader will know what they intended because they were feeling sarcastic when they typed it. Of course, as a reader we have no way of knowing what the writer’s feelings were at the time of writing.

Another element at play here is that a good deal of conversation on the internet is debate. Some people equate disagreement with condemnation, so if your feelings are hurt by that it’s common to lash out. Many debates on the internet start civilly enough and then deteriorate to name calling and cursing in short order. It’s wise to try to be the bigger person and assume no malice, because once it gets out it’s hard to put back.

Statistics and Bias

You probably had the right idea that only about 1% of users are active commenters. Similar to that, there’s also a phenomenon where the most vocal (and often inflammatory) users represent a similarly small portion of the group.

Our brains are evolved for survival, so they pay special attention to negative stimuli. Basically, they’re always looking for trouble, and if you’re looking for trouble you’re likely to find it.

What this ultimately means is that we remember the bad things far more memorably than the good things. It also means that even if a small percentage of people are attacking others, because they dominate the conversation we start to believe that everyone carries that opinion. But as you point out, 99% of users aren’t even commenting, so we really don’t have a good grasp on what the larger population is like.

It also means that if you exercise your block list, you don’t have to put in too much work to remove the most hateful people from your feed.

Closing

Anyway, I think you have the right idea. It sounds like you don’t go looking for fights.

I try to keep a similar philosophy. If I disagree with someone then I’ll seek to empathize or educate. However, if someone is vocal about my erasure or directing hate and violence towards people then I’ll let them have it. I figure those people are looking for trouble and by golly I’ll give it to them - it’s always morally correct to punch a nazi.

Block them. Trolls are not worth the trouble.

Is it normal? Kinda. Is it healthy? No

Argue bad. Discuss good.

It’s normal to attack and be attacked, it’s also normal to have a friendly exchange of ideas and it’s very normal to communicate through memes and soundbites.

What isn’t normal is to communicate through emojis. We need to shun those people! They must not be allowed to propagate a second hieroglyphics age! Archeologists will think it was aliens all over again!

Shun them!

Many people attack if a post does not reflect their world view. I have learned that in most cases, this is primarily an issue of their limited world view, and not one of my post.

Simply ignore the idiots, and, if they escalate, just block them. Don’t let them control you.

A big problem is that it’s just text. In real life tone and body language go a huge way to determining how someone means to make you feel.

If someone is disagreeing with you in real life it’s much easier to tell if they just have a different opinion and respect yours or are being a dick.

Often when someone comes across really rude it’s meant in a half joking way which again would be easy to tell in an actual conversation.

These misunderstandings lead to things heating up real quick.

Yes

Good question. I think it has to do with empathy. When arguing on the internet, you dont have an actual person in mind that you are talking to. Also, anonymity gives you safety. You dont have to worry about not hurting someone because it wont have adverse effects on the relationships with people around you, aka your tribe. This was essential for survival some time ago and sits deep within our subconcious.

Someone will see ANYTHING as an attack on the internet. The default interpretation is, “How can this comment be an offense against me and everything I believe in?”

You guys use the internet?

That experience hits too close to home.

I think because we choose the topics we engage with on social media, they’re usually ones we’re passionate about.

But the size of the online community means most folks are anonymous. So, unlike your friends or even a group of strangers, there’s a much lower consequence for jerkiness, rudeness etc in response to views which in your eyes may range from insane to evil.

My take is that written communication is hard, unless a) you know each other really well, e.g. messaging friends, or b) you write carefully and with enough detail to help the other person understand fully your position, and they bother reading with the same care.

When you read an essay or article it of often begins by setting out the problem, giving some context and even defining their priorities and approach, before they make a claim or argument. They spend time addressing the obvious criticisms of their argument, and ideally admiting weak spots, and maybe even empathising with why someone might reject their position. This means that when you read an article like that, even if argues against something important to you, you don’t feel attacked. It’s calm, general reasoning, and obviously not a personal a attack on you as an individual.

But if you post an picture of the secondhand car you’ve saved for two years to afford, and the first comment is “fuck cars, they’re killing the planet” it’s easy to feel like it’s a personal and it’s aggressive. Or if you write a pretty reasonable but contraversial opinion, people might not have the time or will to break it down and explain why it’s wrong, but they don’t want other people to read it and think it’s okay, so they down vote and comment a quick “what is this shit ?”