A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are staying in neighboring rooms at a hotel for a conference.
In the middle of the night, a faulty outlet sparks a fire in the hallway. The physicist wakes up, sees the fire, fills the ice bucket up with water and uses it to extinguish the fire. He goes back to bed satisfied.
A bit later, another fire breaks out. This time, the engineer wakes up, sees the fire, does a quick calculation and fills his ice bucket 3/4 full. He just barely extinguishes the fire, and goes back to bed satisfied.
Later yet, the fire starts again. This time the mathematician wakes up, sees the fire, sees the ice bucket, announces “A solution exists!” and goes back to bed satisfied.
There are 10 types of people. Those who get binary and those who don’t.
Is Psychiatry still a science?
- How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
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- One to change the bulb and the other to hold my mother…I mean the LADDER!
Bartender: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here!”
A tachyon walks into the bar.
A photon checks into a hotel:
“One room for the night, please.”
“Very well, any bags to check?”
“Nope, I’m travelling light.”
Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks: “3 beers?”
The first one responds: “I don’t know”
The second one responds: “I don’t know”
The last one responds: “Yes, please!”
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are in a car. They get pulled over.
Heisenberg is driving, and the cop asks him, “Do you know how fast you were going?”
“No, but I know exactly where I am,” Heisenberg replies.
The cop says, “You were going 140 km/h, were only 120 is allowed”
Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts, “Great! Now I’m lost!”
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says, “Do you know you have a dead cat back here?”
“We do now, you bastard!” shouts Schrodinger.
I heard that one as Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Ohm, and continuing from your joke, the police officer arrests all of them. Ohm resists.
I’ve read that one too, I found it a bit thin, as both the Heisenberg and Schrodinger bits of the joke require s bit of knowledge of the theory, whereas Ohm is only known for the theory of resistance. Now if fort instance the flow of traffic was impeded, Ohm his resistance would relate to his theory.
I heard another one with Heisenberg where he ran a red light and got pulled over by a cop, and tried to defend himself by saying that the speed at which he was driving, red traffic lights appear to be green because of Doppler effect (or Raleigh Scattering, I don’t recall) - and the cop smirks, “that would be some serious speed, huh?”
Three engineers are in a bar discussing which school of engineering god belongs to, the mechanical engineer goes first;
“God’s a mechanical engineer, look at the bones and muscles and how they interact and move.” The electrical engineer is shaking his head;
“God’s an electrical engineer, look at the nervous system and how the brain is wired, that’s electrical engineering.” At this stage the civil engineer has a wide grin on his face;
“God’s a civil engineer, who else would run a waste pipe through a recreational centre?”
Why do programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31 == DEC 25.
Oh wow!
Would you like to hear a TCP joke?
I would like to hear a TCP joke.
Here is your TCP joke.
I have received your TCP joke. *laughter*.
—-
I’d tell you a UDP joke but I’m afraid you wouldn’t get it.
I will tell you an UDP joke, but you won’t get it. I will also tell you a TCP joke, and if you won’t get it, I will repeat.
I haven’t got a joke, how about a tongue twister?
“When a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, there’s a packet pocket socket racket error to report.”
Not really a joke but there’s a youtuber I watch called Angela Collier, and she has a video titled “alkaline water …with lemon” and I about died just reading the title
Tl;dw it takes such a small amount of acid to turn alkaline water acidic. Like even if there was a benefit to drinking alkaline water, you’re completely undoing it by adding even a drop of lemon juice
So this atom returns to the pub begging the bartender and the patrons “Oh, good golly! I’ve lost one of my here electrons! Has anyone seen it?!”
The owner says. “No one has reported anything. Are you sure you’ve lost it?”
To which the atom replied, “Yes! I’m positive!”
…
The next day…
Having a pint, the bartender sees the atom from yesterday and calls the ion up to the bar and says “Just yesterday, you say you lost an electron. Well we found it and here it is.” Rolling it across the bar. The atom, now very happy says “Yeah! That’s the one! Amazing! Thank you! What can I do to repay you?!”
The bartender, with a sly wink, says “No charge.”
Mitosis is connected to my fetuses.
There are 10 types of people.
Those that understand binary and those that dont.
What about those who were expecting a trinary joke?
