I’ll start.

We had great chemistry but different goals. She was religious and looking to marry and thought she could change me, a non-religious person who intends to remain unmarried and childless. I was up front about the lack of religion and the lack of desire for marriage. She was not up front about her intent to change me.

After two months of regular flings she told me we couldn’t see each other anymore, because she wanted someone to go to church with, it was my fault she was living a sinful life (totally), and she was cheating on me with another dude was a Christian.

  • YeahIgotskills2@lemmy.world
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    5 hours ago

    She was an alcoholic with border-line personality disorder, and as a naive and lonely young Scotsman I foolishly mistook her for a bright girl with a quirky personality who liked a drink and had occasional violent moodswings. Took way too long to realise what the gravity of her condition meant. I was emotionally inexperienced and trusting. And I paid the price.

    On the bright side, when i came out of that relationship and healed I met someone well-balanced and kind, who is now my wife. I’m so grateful for the love i now have and the relative stability of my life, and in a weird way I’m glad I went through what I did with my ex, as it makes me appreciate what I now have.

  • CADmonkey@lemmy.world
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    7 hours ago

    She was religious to the point of being crazy, and she was absolutely obsessed with her dog, who was the worst behaved dog I’ve ever personally known.

    I fell for her because she helped me become more of an adult, someone who could pay bills and be sort of responsible for myself. And like every super-religious woman I have ever personally known, she was an absolute horndog but felt really guilty about it, especially if she really enjoyed it.

    We were on this yo-yo thing for years where she would determine that im too much of a heathen, so she would leave, and then she would see me talking with some other woman, and she would run said woman off. I was young and stupid and kept going back. We were even married for a bit, but she fell right back into the same pattern and divorced me two months later.

    Not long after that she went and married someone else. Finally. Shes with this guy for three months and is trying to get her claws back into me. But by this time I had found the woman I am now married to. My current wife doesn’t have the same religious and sexual hangups, and she understands things like “dogs need to be housebroken” and “You have to train dogs not to bite children”. Well of course she pulled out all the stops to try and quash it, but I finally learned to say “would you kindly fuck off”.

    And I have been happily married to a really amazing woman for 17 years.

  • zeroday@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    7 hours ago

    We were polyamorous, had spent 8 years together, and then her other (new) partner decided she didn’t like me. So she put a wedge into our relationship by breaking the trust down between me and my partner, framing me as abusive, and eventually my partner abandoned me after the trust was gone.

    The other gal turned everything I did into some manipulative scheme or way to control my partners. For example, the fact that I couldn’t suddenly drop $2k on a wisdom tooth removal for her became “financial abuse and control”.

    I’m going to be angry about it for the rest of my life, I think.

  • Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.works
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    7 hours ago

    The short version of the story is I was seeing a nurse, then Covid happened and she did the travel nurse thing and I never saw her again.

    In fact…remember those 3D printed notebook divider face masks? I had volunteered to make a bunch of those, including one that, one spool ran out so I started another spool so it came out two-colored. Just so happens she was the point of contact between the hospital and the maker community, so she was the one tasked with the “how to correctly use” instructions, and that was the one she wore in the demo pictures. Those are the last pictures I have of her.

    • raldone01@lemmy.world
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      3 hours ago

      I have never been in a relationship. Everytime* I got close to someone, they travelled for months. So it always fizzled out. I am developing a little distaste for travelling and vacations by association - which is a shame.

  • AA5B@lemmy.world
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    8 hours ago

    She had “left” years ago but was hanging on for the money and the kids. Constantly yelled at me, refused to do any family activities together. I even funded her savings to escape ( all of our money was ours except what was hers) on the claim that it would reduce her anxiety. Eventually she filed, blames me for “not fighting for her”.

    So much stress gone. So much more peace in my life.

    My biggest regret really was not fighting for full custody. We have equal custody but for the first few years I was able to get the kids most of the time

    • Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.works
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      7 hours ago

      Where do they learn this shit?

      ALL WOMEN, HEAR ME: The one enemy he will not fight against for you IS YOU. Why would he fight for you if you’re the problem in the first place?

  • jpreston2005@lemmy.world
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    8 hours ago

    10 years together. She was upfront about her long-term goal of never having children, and I was upfront about how I felt at the time, which was “meh, I could go either way.”

    We met while I was diving into the depths of alcoholism. My first (and only) DUI was when we’d been seeing each other for a couple months, They wanted me to pay $300 or spend a few nights in jail, I said “Lemme text my girl so she can feed my cat.”

    I broke up with her a few times, but kept coming back because she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever met, and we did genuinely care for each other. I said “I’m moving across country, you can come or you can stay,” She came. I proposed a couple years later. We married a few years after that.

    I finally got sober, and immediately knew that we didn’t belong together. My alcoholism told me I wasn’t good enough to be a father, but I truly do want to be one. We had become roommates, neither one of us really sharing emotionally or physically. I remember how terrible I felt, when we’d be in the same room, and instead of talking to each other, we’d baby talk to our (amazing, wonderful) little dog instead. I remember feeling so jealous of that dog, because she was so physically affectionate with her, and never (ever) me.

    This is an aside, but, For our entire relationship together, the only thing I ever really asked for, was a giant cookie for my birthday. It’s a family tradition, and I love them. 10 years I asked for a simple $7.99 giant cookie from the grocery store, with a Happy Birthday message, and for 10 years, she never did it. I did everything for her, took care of everything. The car, the house, the groceries, her health care, her mental healthcare… I realized that’s all she wanted, was a caretaker.

    Well, it came to a head one night when we were randomly talking openly, and she told me the only reason she slept with me was so I wouldn’t leave her. When I sobered up, I started a mental clock of two years, and told her what I needed from her, and gave her those 2 years to fix it. She didn’t, so after two years, I told her we weren’t right together and we split up. I cried, so much. It was awful. I still very much love her, but, I was right. We just weren’t meant for each other.

    It’s been 5 years since then, and I’ve been having trouble finding my person. I went to therapy, went HARD in therapy, really worked on myself. Got better physically, mentally, have a much better job, and just recently started texting a woman that lives a thousand miles away in Texas. She’s beautiful just like my ex-wife is, except she wants to have kids.

    Pray for me, bros, I really like her, and don’t want to mess this up.

    • Buildout@lemmy.world
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      3 hours ago

      Good on you for knowing what you deserve. I’m sure it was hard, but I think you made the right choice.

      Hoping the next one comes correct with the giant cookies!

  • CultLeader4Hire@lemmy.world
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    10 hours ago

    I wasn’t allowed to have any feelings other than happy. I wasn’t allowed to negotiate within the relationship, I had to take what he was offering or I was “blackmailing” him. He treated me like an extension of himself and if I didn’t do and act exactly how he wanted I’d get iced out.

  • Gonzako@lemmy.world
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    11 hours ago

    She cheated on me, forgave her, she cheated on me again. I ended up a husk of a man unable to date until very recently

  • Rob T Firefly@lemmy.world
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    9 hours ago

    I was at a listless, lonely, and sad point in my life when a friend made a pass at me and, appreciating the attention, I went with it. The relationship went toxic and exploitative, and I ended up being abused for years. The abusive relationship ended not because I heroically gathered my wits and strength enough to get out, but because she eventually got bored with me and kicked me out.

    Thankfully, it’s long in the past now. After that I took some time away from dating and relationships to work on myself, and with the help of friends and family I slowly pieced my heart and my life back together.

    When I felt ready to begin dating again I put myself back out there, and I met someone truly amazing. We’re in a very happy and healthy marriage in which we trust and appreciate each other, and nobody is being treated like crap.

  • OriginEnergySux@lemmy.world
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    21 hours ago

    We were together for 4 years. At the start i was nihilist and she was christian but respected each others views. Then we broke up coz satan made a guy gay.

    Then in the last year of our relationship she suddenly wanted to me to go to church and listen to this guy talk about finding god. I thought fuck it, ill entertain the idea, whatever.

    This guy (who was obviously gay) was talking about how satan made him gay and that turning to god made him straight. All i could see was pain in his eyes and hear the lack of conviction in his words. He brought his family out and everyone looked miserable. I felt terrible and cringey hearing this guy trying to convince everyone and himself that he wasnt gay and had found happiness.

    My partners dad afterwards in the carpark was banging on about how the world would be better if gay people realised they werent gay but had a mental condition brought on by satan and i lost it and told her family to fuck emselves.

    The guy ended up killing himself a few years later so I guess finding god didnt actually workout. Such a fucking shame cunts cant be themselves without other cunts judging em

    • FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.worldOP
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      15 hours ago

      The guy ended up killing himself a few years later so I guess finding god didnt actually workout. Such a fucking shame cunts cant be themselves without other cunts judging em

      100%

      This is why I’m always upfront about not being religious and not wanting marriage, because those two things are so contrary to the culture most of us were raised in that they are really difficult for people to absorb and understand.

  • jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works
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    22 hours ago

    My first marriage, because she has an undiagnosed mental illness and leaves a trail of destruction everywhere she goes.

    When I was a young man, I was afraid of being alone. I learned that being with someone who makes you wish you were alone is far worse than being alone. Thankfully that was a long time ago and my life is much better.

        • AA5B@lemmy.world
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          6 hours ago

          Thank you for a well-timed reminder. That was my example of “never stick your dick in crazy” but I somehow never got over it.

          While things are much less stressful since I’ve got divorced (from someone else) it can be a bit lonely and my mind keeps going back to the one that I was too afraid to touch. The absolutely toxic one with BPD I knew in college and could never stop thinking of )no, I did not care while I was married to someone sane). I most certainly do not need that in my life.

    • Rob T Firefly@lemmy.world
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      15 hours ago

      I learned that being with someone who makes you wish you were alone is far worse than being alone.

      Amen to this. It’s a really important piece of wisdom.

      Glad you’re doing better!