Most of the time, you can say things like, “I’ve never done this before”, and the people you’re interacting with will tell you what to do.

So, at the doctor’s office, just ask the receptionist what they need you to do. If you have questions, ask.

The trick is to not care about not knowing something. Everyone is born knowing nothing. Everything has to be learned. Ignorance is only a flaw if it’s a choice.

First - try not to worry (easy for me to say that, I know). This sort of stuff can seem overwhelming, especially if you’ve never done it before. Many (most/all?) people will have felt the same at some point, and possibly even still do after going through it plenty of times. Perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed. But you can get through it.

Second - try not to catastrophise about what *might *happen, what *might *go wrong, because that’s just an endless loop of worry and it’ll make it harder to get on and do the stuff (which leads to more worrying, etc). Most of it won’t happen, so don’t waste energy thinking about how you’ll cope with situations that you’ll probably not ever encounter.

Third - Don’t fear gatekeepers. I find that most people, most of the time, are genuinely trying to be helpful and pleasant, and if you say to them that , “I’ve not done this before, how do I…?” they’ll help you out as best they can. Don’t be overly apologetic, don’t go in with the assumption that you’re a bother to them or are wasting their time - it’s their job to help get you from one position to another, and it’s usually in their interest to get you there with the minimum of fuss. Just be polite and clear and they’ll probably do the same.

Not everyone will be like that of course, but most will (in my experience anyway), especially if you keep things simple and focus on the task you want to accomplish rather than giving off “I’m panicking, help!” vibes, as that makes emotional demands on them, and they are usually there for functional reasons, not emotional support. So just be like, “Hi, I’ve not done this before, can you help me?” and take it from there. Let their experience guide you.

Fourth - do one thing at a time, and even then break tasks down into smaller chunks. So the passport thing - read what you can online (or speak to someone official), and note down specific documents/photos that you will need to gather. Then take each of those as its own individual task and break those tasks down into the steps to achieve each one. Each individual task probably isn’t all that complicated on its own, and you don’t have to do them all at once. Spread it out as much as you want, unless you’re in a hurry. But have a plan and stick to it, eg:

Day 1 - I need a photo - What kind of photo is acceptable? Where can I get one? Can I get it today? If so, go get it (if not, decide when you will do so, and stick to that), put it somewhere safe (a folder, and envelope, whatever) - and then stop. You’ve done the first task, well done.

Day 2 - I need proof of my address - What kind of proof is acceptable? Do I already have it? If so, get it (if not, decide when you will do so, and stick to that). Put it aside in your folder - and then stop. You’ve done the second task, well done.

Etc…

If something proves easy/quick enough, then maybe start on the next day’s task, but don’t try to do everything at once - you’re learning this stuff, you will make mistakes, but you’ll also cope with them and learn better for next time.

Adulting is complicated - but you learn it bit by bit, and in the end you’ll be ok. Good luck!

I think it’s supposed to feel normal, but for me i have to hype myself up and set aside a whoel half a day in which x task will take place. Like anything you listed there (passports, airports, going to the doctors) is a “big task” and no more than 1 big task can take place in a “block” of my day (i seperate the day into 3 blocks of 5 hours of productive time; 7-12, 12-5, 5-10.

Oh and the only cures for doing stuff without your parents is A) to do more things without them, draw upon similar experiences you did without them to inform how you behave in a new experience. E.g “i haven’t gone to an airport before but i’ve caught a train before, so i knkw about askkng for help and getting tickets” or B) to be experienced enough at doing something with them thst you can do it alone yourself.

Also just a little planning or googling clears up all problems you might face. Leople are also more accomodating than you’d think towards someone doing things alone for the first time.

Not anymore, but at one point, yes. It’s like anything else, practice. Adulting isn’t easy, but you’ll eventually need your parents less.

I haven’t had anyone to take care of me since the 90s and honestly, most stuff just doesn’t get done.

Yeah, adulting is hard. But then you do it and you realize that you can do hard things. That feels pretty good.

Or you make a mistake and learn an important lesson; an expert is just someone who has made every possible mistake in an area.

Then eventually hard things stop feeling so scary.

I have the opposite thing going on. I want to do everything myself, and kinda resent it when people offer to help or give adviced if I didn’t ask. I want control over the things I do. Probably because my mom was a bit of a helicopter mom.

I’d say it is a little intimidating to do things the first time, but there’s a first time for everything you do, and it will eventually become normal to you.

It’s hard at first and then you learn to do it and get good at it. I still hate finding a new doctor, but that’s because it’s a tedious process full of disappointment when what you need is something most doctors don’t do or advertise whether or not they do it (adhd meds mostly).

My mom died when I was around your age (early 20s). It was really hard not to have her there to help me learn to do such things, but I had to do it, and so I did it. I wish she’d taught me when I was a teenager, but oh well. Around that time I had to teach a friend how to do such things too and she found it absolutely liberating once she got the hang of it.

I’m in my 30s now, and my wife and I both have tasks we pass off to the other, often because of mental barriers or just struggling to start. But when push comes to shove we both are entirely capable of such things, we just have someone we can lean on and swap tasks with.

It’s ok to be scared, but do it scared. It’s ok to do it late, but do it anyways. You are capable of all this, and you’ll be much happier once you build these skills and independence. The only way out is through and it won’t be comfortable, but it will be worth it.

Oh and for the practical of how: look it up. The state department website says how to get a passport. Oh and if you have to interact with the government but are unsure of what to do, ask a local librarian. Not kidding, they typically even have common forms already printed out or they can help you find the information. They’re good at finding information.

That seems kinda normal-ish: You just have to figure shit out for yourself if you haven’t already been taught. Ideally, your parents should teach you, but the flip side is you can’t teach someone everything and you can’t even know everything yourself. It’s more or less part of growing up and having anxiety over it is pretty normal IMO.

Try not to catastrophize everything: People before you have run into these issues before you, so there’s information out there, you just have to locate it.

For the passport issue: There are instructions on the website of your country that explain what you need to renew or sign up for a passport. You might not be able to get it all right away, so try to get things moving sooner than later when you have something you need to do in the future: No time like the present! Fix it now and it won’t be a problem later, your problems won’t start to pile up as fast.

Good luck younger person, it can be scary but you can do it!

How old are you?

It can be anxiety inducing the first time you do anything on your own like that. Rest assured, though, that you are not the only young adult feeling this way. Just do it, make a few mistakes in the process, and then you will be fine. Plus, you will know better next time.

With regards to the passport photo, it’s fine, just look at the guidelines thoroughly as they are very specific in terms of your background and stuff. In particular, you’re not supposed to use a selfie, because the angle will be all wrong. (You can use a cell phone pic with the proper background and lighting, they just recommend that someone else actually take the picture at the proper angle). Having said that, my last passport pic was a selfie which I took from arms length, and they accepted it…