I get it, I absolutely respect someone wanting to be safe, but i think it would also absolutely ruin the date for me. I just can’t really interact the same way in a group as I do one on one. Either that, or I’d end upv mirroring both of them simultaneously and it would end up in a throuple.
throuple
Threesome. Corrected for you.
This is very common in Asia. The first few (not) dates they bring friends and you can too. Eventually, she gives an indication that she wants to do something alone with you and that’s when the real dates begin.
You make a good point, but considering that the conversation is in English I don’t think you’d be too far out of the pale to assume that this is not in Asia, and in most English-speaking countries it’s not common to go on group dates before going on individual dates.
It does happen, and quite a bit, but not to the point where it’s common, I would say it’s at the very most uncommon.
I mean we have those too, they’re called double dates. Would have been less awkward if the lady here asked for one of those.
If you wanna be my lover…
Guy friends in asian also hold hands and hang on each others arms. Not really something you see in the west
Arranged marriage is also common in Asia
What an unprovoked comment.
Wherever you live, there are also many cultural issues that are equally unrelated to what I said.
I had a girl bring a guy friend along on our first date without giving me a heads up for the same reason. I was like, ok that’s a little weird but whatever. I’m certainly not going to give someone shit for doing something that makes them feel comfortable. Ended up chatting it up with the guy friend who turned out to be super cool.
So me and the girl end up seriously dating after a while and she later tells me that she spent most of our first date trying to subtly get her friend to leave so that she could spend more time with me.
Lol there’s got to be a term that’s the inverse of cockblocking. Maybe like cockenabling for something.
Wingman is the term you’re looking for.
But in my date’s opinion, he was clam jamming her!
But clam jamming is what you wanted to do, so he was helping,lol.
deleted by creator
It wouldn’t bother me if somebody wanted to bring a friend on a date. However, I would communicate that it would change the dynamic into a “hangout” over a traditional “date” for me. The difference being that a date carries romantic intent and a hangout is for the sake of connecting with others without romantic expectations. Also, a hangout means everybody pays for themselves.
This takes the pressure off by lowering the stakes since it’s now just a casual hangout between peers. It also has the benefit of making the third not feel excluded as a third wheel but a welcome part of the group.
I’m cool with someone deciding to do this.
I mean, I’ll decide not to go on the date, but that you do you.
Your lack of ability to judge my character leading up to the date, and the general sense of paranoia leading to a decision like this, aren’t qualities I’m looking for in a partner.
Neither is starting things from a place of outright suspicion. Like. I’m not judging. I just have zero interest.
Removed by mod
I had a girl cancel and reschedule our first date shortly before we were supposed to meet up. That date happened, and she confided in me that she’d done that on purpose to gauge my reaction and general demeanor before actually coming out to meet me. I respected that move, and I think I would have been okay with her bringing a friend instead, as long as it was just the once.
Anyway, that was eight years ago, we’re married now.
Look at this dude… Being happy
Nice that it worked out but deception and playing games would be a huge red flag for me. Nothing about that instance in particular, it’s just that I’d always wonder “is this situation for real or another trick?”
Maybe the immediate followup fixes it. You were strangers then after all. And after eight years of course you know what you’re working with haha
Damnit now I’m just rambling to myself, carry on!
You’re a dumbass for playing along with such insane bullshit but I’m glad it worked out for you.
I don’t think “begrudging women a single test to see if someone is the type to explode over a single inconvenience” is the right hill to stick your flag on.
This happened to me, but we all went back to my apartment and played Smash Bros. I did not get laid and I have no regrets.
If this had happened to me there’s a zero percent chance I wouldn’t have taken a shot at the threesome at some point.
Opportunities don’t come along like this every day.
deleted by creator
I’ve never discussed who will pay before a date in my life
Either this person in incredibly tactless or this is some kind of incel meme shitpost.
Either way, whomever is passing it around seems to have a bone to pick.
It wouldn’t even cross my mind as something a woman would assume a date was expected to do.
Idk, really depends on the dynamic between them all. If they’re broke college kids and he’s an older person with a stable job and surplus cash? If he’s picking the restaurant to impress her, knowing she can’t afford it? If he already offered up thread in order to entice her out?
But that makes the “date” feel more like a Sugar Baby relationship than a proper date. Also might explain why she feels the need to bring a friend.
deleted by creator
There’s a non insignificant amount of women dating only for free meals, and a lot of them expect men to pay for any number of friends. A lot of guys have opted for lower cost or zero cost first dates, like walks to screen for this.
Anyone afraid to go to an agreed meeting in a public place NEEDING a friend along is beyond weird
The friend isn’t there for when the date is in the public space. The friend is there for after to ensure the girl gets home safe.
Who gives out money on a first date? Go have walk somewhere.
You could have just missed your shot at a threesome. Way to go, 😄
Threesome? If I wanted to disappoint two people at the same time I’d just have dinner with my parents.
you watch way too much porn
Found the person that’s never had a threesome
Sex does happen in real life, too.
I didn’t say sex doesn’t happen in real life. I said you watch too much porn.
The mind of a man who thinks that a random girl tagging along with a potential first date will agree to have a threesome let alone the first date themselves will agree to normal sex is… a young naive mind who believes that everyone is having spontaneous group sex.
Your mind immediately went to that? Why?
From my POV
As someone who had a threesome exactly like this scenario played out.
You’re the one who is naive.
Spontaneous group sex happens in real life, all the time. There are many people who do not seek it out. That is valid. There are also people who do seek it out.
Unfortunately the difference between those two types of people defines the lens through which you define a “naive” person.
Hey man just because you got a threesome doesn’t mean its common.
Spontaneous group happens in real life -> I agree.
All the time -> I don’t agree
There are people who seek it out
But that doesn’t mean they get it “all the time”
Unfortunately the difference between those two types of people defines the lens through which you define a “naive” person.
And your lens is too much caliberated to view every encounter as an opportunity even if you don’t know whether the OP is actually into it or not, thus projecting your expectations into the scenario.
I don’t mind if we disagree, but as someone who deeply loves and is a part of my local lifestyle community, this conversation feels more personal.
Because you either get it, Or you just don’t.
There are literal hundreds of people in my local lifestyle community. I’ve been to local events that they cap at 300 for attendance quantity. It’s not abnormal at these events to have cuddle puddles of 5+ people together. Strangers. Just met.
There are folks that I know very well, That are getting laid by groups of strangers (often 3 or more in a group) every single day, outside of these organized events. This is not an exaggeration. Group sex happens all the time. Period.
The reason you believe people aren’t always having group sex is because you’ve never had the opportunity to consistently grasp it. Your perspective doesn’t seem to reflect relevant experience, so it’s hard to believe for you.
Your point of view is naive to people that actually live the bdsm, swinger, and kink lifestyle(s) 24/7.
I remember when a date auction at my college worked this way, the girls always came in pairs. When I thought about it afterwards, it made sense, but it still made me feel just apprehensive enough in the moment - being outnumbered in a moment of social vulnerability - that I didn’t bid on anyone.
Grey text is looking out for their safety, good for them. Blue text is clearly communicating their boundaries, good for them. Neither is phrasing their needs as I would, but that’s small potatoes. I’d rather date either of these people than most of the ones replying in this thread.
I think if someone implied they were bringing someone without at least asking, as this person did, I would match their rude energy and say “I did not agree to that, so here are my boundaries.”
The way the other party phrased it would annoy the shit out of me. 'I’m bringing my best friend." Ok, so why don’t you date them? Causes way more friction than asking “Hey, I know it’s unconventional but I would like a friend to be there just for my safety since we don’t know eachother yet.”
I could never feel safe on a date with someone who censors swear words in screenshots they post to the fucking Internet.
