Dud. After years of having to remind, plan and remind the other half again and again, I gave up and said nothing last year. Nothing happened. Nothing happened again this year. Next up - Mother’s Day, which I expect to be equally nothing, just like last year.
I can’t wait for the complaints that I planned nothing for birthdays or Father’s Day.
I have, many times, and nothing changes, always an excuse, they forgot or were distracted by something more important. Hence why I have completely given up trying to plan anything. Like talking to a brick wall. Things only happen when I take the initiative. Special days, house repairs, appointments…
My dear I hope you can take a moment to reflect on how you ended up with this person and if it was for good reasons you remember that and work your way back there instead of giving up and just complaining into the void.
Wow I am open jaw surprised this top comment wasn’t a “get divorced” comment and instead was actively constructive and empathetic.
I agree that there could be something else going on. Especially the way OP is phrasing things. Could be ADD or other issues that make these days not priority even if they do love OP. could also be that OP is feeling some sort of way and their actions make the partner not feel confident enough to do things for them like it’ll be a waste. Hopefully they can find the root cause. Maybe needs a shared calendar to help remind.
I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’m currently reforming myself of those same tendencies.
My excuse was and is money but, it’s only that, an excuse. So I started making construction paper cards and origami flowers. It’s not the flowers and restaurants they used to be but, she seems to appreciate it.
P.s. the origami lily folds refuse to sink into my smooth brain. I gotta watch the same YT vid Everytime 😞
Maybe recognize that your partner doesn’t ascribe as much meaning to arbitrary dates and that silently expecting them to do something is a toxic mentality. I hope you realize you’re not teaching them any sort of lesson, you are intentionally setting yourself up to be disappointed/upset at your partner for not following the rules of a game they didn’t know you were playing.
Especially these days. Don’t you think it’s possible they have other things on their mind? I know I do. Between trying to figure out how to pay bills, figuring out how to save a little so we can retire some day, thinking about how stressful my job is, thinking about all the chores that need to be done, worrying about the health of myself and my family, worrying about car/home repairs, keeping insurance/registrations/enrollments/appointments/documents all up to date, and the endless struggle of what we’re having for dinner tonight; there’s just not a whole lot of mental space left for reading my partner’s mind and fulfilling their unspoken expectations.
You say this has been happening for years. Ever think that it’s just not something that’s going to change? That you’re expecting a fish to climb a tree unprompted and then getting upset with the fish when it doesn’t?
Grow the fuck up. Be a partner to your partner. How hard is it to say “Hey, I’d like to feel special on Valentine’s Day. It’s important to me.”?
Dud. After years of having to remind, plan and remind the other half again and again, I gave up and said nothing last year. Nothing happened. Nothing happened again this year. Next up - Mother’s Day, which I expect to be equally nothing, just like last year.
I can’t wait for the complaints that I planned nothing for birthdays or Father’s Day.
Have you talked to your SO about how that makes you feel?
I have, many times, and nothing changes, always an excuse, they forgot or were distracted by something more important. Hence why I have completely given up trying to plan anything. Like talking to a brick wall. Things only happen when I take the initiative. Special days, house repairs, appointments…
Sounds like depression. The lack of initiation, I mean
My dear I hope you can take a moment to reflect on how you ended up with this person and if it was for good reasons you remember that and work your way back there instead of giving up and just complaining into the void.
Resentment is a killer.
Wow I am open jaw surprised this top comment wasn’t a “get divorced” comment and instead was actively constructive and empathetic.
I agree that there could be something else going on. Especially the way OP is phrasing things. Could be ADD or other issues that make these days not priority even if they do love OP. could also be that OP is feeling some sort of way and their actions make the partner not feel confident enough to do things for them like it’ll be a waste. Hopefully they can find the root cause. Maybe needs a shared calendar to help remind.
I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’m currently reforming myself of those same tendencies.
My excuse was and is money but, it’s only that, an excuse. So I started making construction paper cards and origami flowers. It’s not the flowers and restaurants they used to be but, she seems to appreciate it.
P.s. the origami lily folds refuse to sink into my smooth brain. I gotta watch the same YT vid Everytime 😞
Origami and handmade cards are very thoughtful. :)
Keep trying with the folds, one day you’ll forget to check the videoguide!
Oof, I fear I become like your SO
Maybe recognize that your partner doesn’t ascribe as much meaning to arbitrary dates and that silently expecting them to do something is a toxic mentality. I hope you realize you’re not teaching them any sort of lesson, you are intentionally setting yourself up to be disappointed/upset at your partner for not following the rules of a game they didn’t know you were playing.
Especially these days. Don’t you think it’s possible they have other things on their mind? I know I do. Between trying to figure out how to pay bills, figuring out how to save a little so we can retire some day, thinking about how stressful my job is, thinking about all the chores that need to be done, worrying about the health of myself and my family, worrying about car/home repairs, keeping insurance/registrations/enrollments/appointments/documents all up to date, and the endless struggle of what we’re having for dinner tonight; there’s just not a whole lot of mental space left for reading my partner’s mind and fulfilling their unspoken expectations.
You say this has been happening for years. Ever think that it’s just not something that’s going to change? That you’re expecting a fish to climb a tree unprompted and then getting upset with the fish when it doesn’t?
Grow the fuck up. Be a partner to your partner. How hard is it to say “Hey, I’d like to feel special on Valentine’s Day. It’s important to me.”?