I do. Happened a couple of months after moving in with my boyfriend. We were both still getting used to our new bed or at least, I was. It still wasn’t “mapped” in my brain.
We were getting frisky one day and we decided to have some fun. We were making out and he was slowly inching me towards the edge of the bed. I was facing him, kissing him, not looking at the bed. As soon as he thought I was close enough to the bed, he grabbed me and basically lovingly threw me on the bed…
…except that I wasn’t close enough 😂. My tailbone and the hard, wooden bed frame made contact…and I was in a lot of pain.
I didn’t hear any cracks, which was good, but it hurt like hell. He took me to the hospital where a young male doctor saw me. He asked me to explain what had happened, so I said, beet red and with embarrassment written all over my face:
Me: “I…h-hit my butt on the w-wooden bed frame…” (blushes and hides face in hands)
Him: “You…hit your…butt? On the bed frame?”
And he looked at me with this expression…it was a mix of “Are you crazy?” while also trying to stop himself from laughing, holding on for dear life trying to stay professional. Looking back now, it was fucking hilarious 😂. I ended up getting an X-ray of my pelvis and I was just fine. But damn was I pissed at my bf for a while, for putting me through that 🤣
Another one I have is shorter and probably not as amusing, but here goes. We were visiting Prague together, staying at one of my bf’s friend’s. His apartment had a shower. Magical, cause we only have a bathtub and it sucks ass.
Anyway, sometime during the evening, we decided to have some fun, and of course we wanted to take advantage of the spacious, comfortable shower instead of our cramped, small bathtub. So we get in, he’s behind me and we start going at it. Both of my hands are on the wet wall, which did not offer much in the way of support. This position, combined with my bf’s enthusiastic thrusts and also all of the wet and slippery surfaces soon caused me to lose balance…which would have probably been fatal in that situation.
Naturally, I got a massive adrenaline rush and quickly grabbed onto the faucet for support, to stop myself from falling. However, with that jolt of adrenaline came lots of tension…and with my bf still inside of me, I squeezed him HARD. He almost cried out, from surprise and also the sudden, hard, unrelenting SQUEEZE.
We had to stop after that, because I didn’t want to risk falling again and my bf wasn’t in the mood anymore. He later told me that I “Almost bit his dick off”, which is a funny way to put it 😂. We both had a laugh about it later, but in the moment, he was NOT pleased lol
I’m interested in hearing your experiences tho. Please share what you feel comfortable with ❤️
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Hooked up with a girl as a one night stand kinda thing. Started making out and she slid down her hand to grab my dick. In a sexy voice she says “ooooo soooo big”. I instantly started laughing. My dick is fine it’s absolutely doesn’t warrant a statement like that. She started laughing too and we both acknowledged “so big” was a stretch. Rest of the night went well.
LOL, that made me laugh quite a bit
This is totally unwarranted, but I respect your…idk, humility ig?
I personally know lots of guys that would just blindly agree with that statement or even vehemently make it themselves, despite the actual reality of their junk…Nice story tho and I’m glad the rest of your night went well ♥️
I once met a girl at a party and things went so well and so fast that when I took her to the bedroom, I invited her sister to join us.
That’s because the girl was black-out drunk and I wanted to put her to bed, in the custody of her sister, so that I could leave.
That was a short roller coaster
Waow 👀
That’s…just wow. It’s very sweet of you and you did the right thing ♥️. The sad thing is, I’m sure plenty of people would have taken advantage of the situation…Thanks for sharing 🩷
My girlfriend and I were on vacation with another couple, sharing a hotel room. For privacy we banged in the bathroom. I picked her up and fucked her against the wall. Hot, a good time was had by all.
When we finished though, we were shocked to see a lot of blood smeared all over the wall. Apparently the tile had scratched my girlfriend’s lower back up. She didn’t feel it at the time but it made a huge mess.
Ouch, I’m sorry for your girlfriend! Sounds like someone did a bad job building the tile wall. I really hope she was okay after that…
I have a specifically not NSFW one, but it feels relevant anyway. My wife was about to get ready for work, and while I can’t remember exactly what lead to it, there was some kind of “betcha can’t catch me” chase from the kitchen to the bedroom that was not sexual in nature, that’s just where her work clothes were. Well, to punctuate her victory she leaps onto the bed for a diving finish, including a rotation so she’d come down on her back like a high-jump. Majestic.
Well, it would have been, if she’d not overshot a bit and smashed the back of her head off the edge of the headboard… Hard.
We go to the hospital because she’s got a concussion, and when they ask how this happened, and you answer that she whacked her head really hard against a headboard, it opens up a whole new category of questions! The kind that involve me being asked to leave the room so we could answer the questions separately, just in case she had a different answer when I’m not present in the room with her… 😅
The concussion was bad enough she needed a bunch of time off work, so naturally friends and family are concerned and have questions! Questions like “oh wow, that sounds pretty bad, how did it happen?”. And, like, it’s pretty hard to give an answer of “she banged her head really hard on the headboard with me before work” without people getting really squinty and blushy 😛
So it’s not sexual! Honest! It just really really sounds like it…
I could absolutely see this happening to me 🤣
Nope. None. Every single one of my many sexual experiences has been executed flawlessly to the extreme enthusiasm of my numerous partners.
Wow. Someone’s boasting about being good in bed :3
(Not meant to be offensive, sorry if it sounded that way)
That’s ok, I was lying anyways.
Ah, I see. So it was sarcasm. Whoosh, my bad 😅
Yes.
Alright then, keep your damn secrets 😭
Not me, but a lady friend I was dating in my 20s was having sex with this guy. He missed and poked her taint. She said she started singing “I’ve lost that loving feeling”.
Cats find it entertaining and might decide to play.
Nooo, do not the cat 😭
No worries not doing cat. However, depending on cat sensitive parts of preferably men are in danger.
My wife and I were getting frisky with the TV on in the background. Then this skit from SNL came on…
Source: YouTube https://share.google/gvSPG9KaGKSAHDV3O
Couldn’t keep it together and had to stop playing till it was over.
If I think of one I’ll edit this but I wanted to at least come and say it’s cool to know we have some women on Lemmy. I always got the impression this place was a boys club
We are here 🙂
Hell yeah. How did you end up discovering Lemmy?
For me it was the fact that reddit went public and I was getting tired of the rage bait algorithm they implemented immediately.
Reddit sucks ass, honestly. I post a pic of my boobs there and I get 4 DM requests from creeps objectifying me. I post boob pics here and I get nothing but praise, compliments and kind words. Also, age verification on Reddit.
Tough choice 😂Now that’s a good reason to leave. I will never understand why a dudes do that DM shit. Make you wonder how creepy they must be irl. I’m glad your finding a supporting community here. Lemmy has been great.
My height and face would probably scare them off irl, so I think I’m lucky there 😂. Lemmy has been a godsend. So happy to be here ♥️
Well it sounds like you’ve got a boyfriend which already proves that wrong, but also I once had a teacher who was really tall and her husband was a half foot shorter, so all walks of life can find love
You know…you actually may be right. I swear to god, waaay more people have been approaching me on the streets now, then for example pre-HRT. Back then, they just didn’t, lol. And it’s happened like three times in the past month.
My bf’s still a bit taller, so all is well ♥️
I agree that “non-stereotypical height differences” are no problem in a relationship tho.
I’m trans and I have crippling self-confidence issues, so I was originally gonna say something along the lines of “I don’t count”.
But, even if you didn’t mean it that way…thanks. You made my day a little brighter ♥️You absolutely are a woman as long as you want to be one ❤️
definitely didn’t mean to offend. i might be the most boring cis white male, but i still believe gender is fluid.
More the aftereffects. My wife and I went off the side of a nature trail once. Several hours later, I had to ask for help removing the tick that had implanted itself snugly in the fold between my penis and scrotum.
Nooo, that’s horrible 😭
Ticks and genitals don’t mix! I’m so sorry for you…Outdoors sex is amazing, but this is the stuff that gives me nightmares
I got to inspect her for ticks, too, so it wasn’t all bad.
When the dog is in the room and decides to stick his nose to your partners bare ass. That God damn dog lmao.
I’ve definitely almost slipped on lube in the shower with others or almost slipped on someone’s packer. I call that a dick slip
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No.
Fair enough! That’s a valid answer
