It’s not a childhood trauma thing. I had a decent upbringing. I’ve been like this all my life. I’ll talk about people using their name to others when the named person isn’t around, but I avoid using their name as a vocative to their face.
Same thing with people using my name. I don’t mind people summoning me by calling my name, but I cringe when people use my name as a vocative in front of me. I also get irritated when people I don’t know and have no intention of establishing a relationship with use my name.
I worked in a call center and we had the usual opening “thank you for calling _____ my name is early_riser, how can I help you?” I assumed the unspoken rule was that I’m giving my name so the client can later refer to me in complaints or commendations, not because I want to establish anything more than a client-employee relationship. Also, I always use “sir” or “ma’am” when addressing clients, and hope they reciprocate that respect.
Edit:
Yes I know what names are for. Also “angry” was too strong a word. I don’t lash out at people when they do this. I understand that people are trying to be friendly when they use my name and that the irritation is unwarranted, but it’s there and I want to know why.
yes, it makes me really uncomfortable! I had a friend who would always say my name while talking to me, and it felt somehow… diminutive? Like she was trying to be motherly? I don’t know.
Chiming in with the ‘you might be neurodivergent’ crowd.
Absolutely typical.
Welcome and feel free to ping if you want to know stuff.
Everybody to me is “Hey Y’all”
I do the same “hey man, what’s up?” Because it takes my brain a second to use the search function. I know their name but I can’t come up with it in time for passing chat. So “hey man” comes off as less of a dick move than just standing there staring blankly at them.
I think you’re just autistic, buddy. This is not typical behavior for people that are not neurodivergent. The tell is that you get “oddly angry” when someone uses your name when they’re strangers. Good luck navigating life with this one.
As an autistic person with ADHD too I was going to say this. I hate my name being used, I strongly prefer dude or mate, I’ll even take “hey you”, but using my name is very similar to extreme eye contact or touching my hands. No, no thank you, I would prefer not to.
When a customer reads my name tag in an attempt to be friendly
I used to always wear someone else’s name tag because I got a kick out of them calling me by random names
I hate being called “sir” it sounds pretentious as fuck. Use my name, its far more personable and normal. Titles are like dress codes - completely made up theater that people play along with.
In the event of a call center scenario, it wouldn’t even be hard to track down who took the call whether they remembered my name or not, so I still wouldn’t care.
The only time it would be weird/annoying is if the person so constantly using my name instead of a pronoun, or if they’re using a tone to imply negativity toward it.
Yeah, we got rid of nobility for a reason. Demanding being called sir, madame, doctor, etc. Is just a holdover of middle class envy towards aristocracy. I’d much rather prefer to be called by my name than some arbitrary words meant to separate people into hierarchies.
Same for me. I don’t care about pronouns that are used for me but hearing or seeing my name used anywhere feels weird as hell. Maybe it just plays into my general dislike of being perceived.
I wonder how much of this has to do with the fact that most of us don’t chose the name we have? I’ve met people whom simply do not “look like” their name. It feels strange to refer to them by something that feels…other. I imagine this is why some cultures allow people to move through names as their lives go on. If we were given the space to emerge as a name, one embodied and truly ours, I think this phenomenon would be lessened.
I don’t like when people work my name into a conversation (“that’s a good point, glimse!” Not “hey glimse how’s it going?”) because it makes me…suspicious. Like mind instantly jumps to the tactic taught to sales people to build rapport with prospective customers.
My guess is that it’s a defense mechanism. I’ve been taken advantage of after blindly trusting someone before, now I’m predisposed to look for the signs.
I’m sure it doesn’t help that I don’t really love my name. I don’t care enough to change it but it wouldn’t have been my first pick.
I think using people’s names is an old life hack from “How to win friends and influence people”. Most people respond well to it.
It’s also a nice thing in a group where some people might not know or might have forgotten other people’s names. Then they don’t have to ask.
I hate it when salespeople who have my data in their system use my name over and over again, feels so false. In moderation it’s nice though… Also one guy working at a large store last year remembered my name as soon as I walked in after a month or so, I was definitely impressed.
Whenever somebody uses my name I immediately feel like I’m in trouble, then when I realize I’m not, I feel like they are faking intimacy by continuing to say my name and are attempting to manipulate me.
I’m also that guy that will be completely clueless that you are in to them until you grab me by the junk. So, there’s that.
It depends on how you define weird, but this phenomenon has a name (if that gives you a clue as to how common or uncommon it might be): Alexinomia
I also not only struggle with not feeling weird when I hear my name, but I also just avoid using other people’s names to the point that people get upset with me when I am trying to tell them about things involving multiple people because I will simply never name any of them. It makes listening to me rather confusing for others, and I’m not even entirely aware I’m doing it. And I die a little bit inside whenever I’m in a situation that requires me to address someone by name.
Might be worth looking into Alexinomia for some more information if this is bothering you.
Have you asked yourself why you feel this way? Names literally exist to be used. No cultural norm I am aware of prohibits their use, other than it would be weird in limited contexts like if you called your parents by their names. But even that is not universal. A stranger using your name is not disrespectful in the least, so getting mad about that seems like a problem.
“Dude,” “bro,” and “buddy,” and “son” make up how I talk to everyone too.
