On the NYC subway a guy was taking up two seats, he pulls out a notebook and starts (screaming) reading from it. It was all about some conspiracy that got him kicked out of Columbia University. People started moving away from him. At the next stop a guy gets on the train and says to “hey psycho you really need two seats” the crazy guy slides over freeing up one of the seats and then goes back to yelling.

I was sat opposite a woman who had a grocery bag filled to the brim with crisps packets, or so it seemed. She started out just munching on crisps, mouth fully open, shoving her hands in there. She emptied two packs in between two stops (metro). Efficient.

When she had enough she started rumaging frantically through her bag for a solid 20 seconds, and then triumphantly dug out a can of whipped cream (squirty cream format for my UK friends), opened it, and just emptied the whole thing in her mouth in one go!

It was in France, of all fucking places.

I watched a guy chug a bottle of orange Listerine, ramble incoherently for ten minutes, then proceed to have uncontrollable diarrhea all over the seat before getting off the train.

In Halifax, two teenage girls talking on the bus. One girl was describing how her boyfriend fucks her. Very graphic.

Waiting for a matatu and one dude starts beating the shit out of another. Two separate times.

Cool dude gets on near Bakersfield, sits next to me, drinks a 12 pack and tells me how he murdered people in prison.

Various people smoking crack, meth, and fety on trains and buses

Dude gets asked to turn his music down, goes on escalating and frankly impressive rant for 10 minutes about how he’s going to cut the guys head clean off with his machete

Various guys jacking off

Various rants against every race

Spent 90% of my life taking public transit and I love it. Big public transit fan and I wish people would intermingle more in general.

But, if you talk loudly or listen to music on the tinny speakers on your phone, you are the scum of the earth in my eyes. I’d rather have a dude strung out on heroin on the train than you, absolutely no hint of sarcasm.

Some tweaker was huffing compressed air cans, but the kind that have the bittering agent to discourage people from huffing. The stuff got into the air and was very unpleasant for everyone. I had to get off at the next stop and wait for another train, I couldn’t breathe.

I’ve had to administer noloxone twice on the subway (once was on the platform)

Santacon and elf con crossed tracks at a train stop. For some reason there was also a train full of clowns and a few mime artists all on the same train.

Someone called the bus driver a girl for being sensitive so he called the police on them.

some guy sat across from me and started screaming at me how beautiful my boots were and what a removed i was. then went into this long story about how he’d be rich like me if his bitch mom hadn’t stolen his dad’s money. then he went on about his dreadlocks being beautiful and perfect and he’ll cut anyone who calls it cultural appropriation.

nobody had said a word to this guy, he just went off for one stop then got off to change cars probably to go tell the same weird nutbag rant to the next subway car.

A woman jumped while I was waiting for the train at my home station. It wasn’t pretty…

hoo boy have I got a story for you!

It’s my first day heading to work after moving to a new apartment. I get on the bus around 7 AM. My guide dog (Guide Dog 1 from a previous post) is under my seat with her head poking out a bit into the aisle.

A few stops down route and this drunk lady gets on and sits right next to me. I’m a little annoyed but it’s public transit and a lack of personal space is par for the course.

“Oh, a doggy,” she slurs in Spanish, attempting to pet my dog’s head. Unfortunately she misses and starts petting my leg instead. I jump up and relocate to another seat, but not before telling the woman “Please don’t touch my dog, and don’t touch me either.” The rest of the ride she’s groping the air in the general direction of my dog.

Some other anecdotes in no particular order:

• Someone in the back of the bus screaming “It’s my birthday WOOOOOOOO!”
• A lady ranting at the driver to stop for a good 20 minutes because she has to pee
• A smelly bum falling asleep on my shoulder

I have to mention a time where I was probably the strange one: after the lockdowns ended but while masking was still common, I would wear a full respirator with face shield, basically a gas mask, while on the bus. My rationale is that a normal paper or cloth mask stops the wearers germs from getting out but doesn’t do so well at stopping them from getting in. I can’t see who is or isn’t wearing a mask, so I’m going to wear something that WILL protect me against the non maskers.

EDIT:

Oh and the time my bus got cut off by another bus and the driver got out and started yelling at the other driver. I was already within walking distance of my destination, so I just noped off the bus before it could escalate.

EDIT 2:

same bus as the drunk dog petter, this guy would get on at the stop after mine. I called him Mr. Bucket because he always carried this large white plastic bucket that smelled absolutely foul.

EDIT 3:

I get on a bus (different city) while wearing a lanyard with a name badge on it. I forget to slip the lanyard under my shirt, and this lady leans in and grabs the lanyard to examine the card.

Her: “You’re from [name of place on the lanyard]?”

Me, unable to lie at this point: “…yes”.

I stared at my wife’s cleavage while riding the train once. Otherwise it’s all been pretty chill.

Guy getting mad at the conductor for calling him sir because only a priest can be called that…

The tram I was on with my dad and little sister struck a woman, she had an umbrella open so she didn’t see the tram (it was a sunny summer day). It cracked her head open and I’ll never forget that sound. The driver panicked and only opened the front door of the tram, right where the woman was laying on the ground, so we were forced to walk out of the tram and jump over the pool of blood gushing from her head. My dad tried to make us not look but I saw the hole in her head, and her brain. I was 10 and my sister 8.
She died on the way to the hospital.
And I just realised I now live in the apartment building right by the tram tracks where it happened, haven’t thought about that memory for a long time.