Some sort of impenetrable energy barrier or whatever that would absorb/reflect whatever fast kinetic blow/projectile would be ideal, IMO. I’d rather have the absorb version so I could just berate them for being violent instead of just getting killed by a bouncing bullet, lol.
An orbital cannon for 1 lb kinetic impactors. You’d probably want them to be in low earth orbit so they can strike quickly. This would of course require a constellation of satellite cannon systems, probably 2000 or so would be sufficient. Also, you’d want to be standing back from your target, probably 20 feet would be safe. Probably.
Also, they’ll have mixed results indoors, either putting holes through every floor above you or not quite reaching the target if you were at the base of a skyscraper. Probably not awesome for the skyscraper either…
Maybe someday everyone could have one of these for personal defense.
Omnidirectional body mounted claymore mine.
Just watch your hands.
personal satellite with Hatsune Miku licensed voice assistant for targeting and fire control. A few lasers of different frequency, a railgun, maybe some emergency snack pods with little chutes.
Body odour
Or that guy from Mystery Men who farts.
Yo-yos.
Something that makes me disappear instantly and teleports me to the pub down the street. Cold beer is better than hot fight.
What if it’s a bar fight
Balls that orbit around you (think magneto of x-men)
a finger on the monkeys paw curls
Im steering clear
A tank full of sharks and gloves that dispense a sticky concentrated chum mixture with each hit. Get a couple good body blows in, knock them into the water, let nature (+/-) take its course.
Self defense is a fantasy of control. If you want to eliminate threats to yourself rationally, eat more vegetables, take care of your mental health, and drive carefully.
I was more or less trying not to refer to weapons of mass destruction. Not implying self defense is virtuous.
If anything were possible, I have always liked AE van Vogt’s fictional weaponry:
In “The Weapon Shops of Isher”, the defensive weapons sold by the shops are advanced ray guns with integrated force fields, making them highly effective against government and criminal threats. These weapons ensure citizens can defend themselves against tyranny and oppression while upholding a policy of non-aggression, aiming to foster a more just government over time.
The weapons can somehow be used to defend but not be used in an act of aggression. And the force field protects the bearer.
A fun read if you are into golden age science fiction.
A gun that shoots tiny missiles that aim at the attackers butthole and once they hit they release a jet of freezing water up their butt.
Anti-tankie mines
Bag of little isopod shaped robots. They are fast moving with nuclear batteries and tungsten carbide shells and lots of sharp edges for chewing and burrowing through flesh. They can also dig into the ground a few inches and hibernate like cicadas to protect an area. Not wireless networked but instead have onboard processing for voice commands, use sense of smell for IFF and echolocation to coordinate their swarming.
Couldn’t stop a gun, but they are a deterrent against using it because if you shoot me we both die but you die in a more horrible way.
Ordinary pajamas of “No, you!” That automagically protect you. Oh, some thought they would shoot you? Surprise! They get shot instead.
Lol
