You know the type, probably a good father or worker, but serious faced all the time, never smiles, often in a bad mood, very cynical. It’s just I feel like I’m on the path to this, I’m 28, just escaped 12 years of food service so I’m already super cynical and if someone comes up to me, I’m super ready to shut down whatever’s about to happen. I feel like working with customers for years I’ve learned to have giant walls up and I can’t seem to remove them. I see the other guys in the factory I’m working at laughing and joking all the time, I think of myself as funny but it’s always deadpan humor and I wish I could genuinely smile and laugh and make friends with the other guys. Any old timers or well travelers out there have any advice?
My advice? Sounds like you could use some therapy. Genuinely therapy is really helpful for sorting out these issues.
You sound like you may be dealing with more than just burn out. Of course im not a medical professional and i dont know you well enough to really make any fair assessment but just talking things out with someone would likely be beneficial.
If you can’t afford therapy, talking things out with a friend may help as well but as they wont be trained to deal with this, it may or may not be helpful. It can help but its not a replacement for professional help unfortunately. I speak from experience but ymmv.
I worked in CS so i know it sucks. I hope things get better for you.
I’ve got no qualms against going back to therapy, it’s been some years. Only thing is I’ll have to wait till November when I can get on my works insurance plan
Practicing what I call Micro Pleasantries helps me feel good about life. Can be as simple as complimenting someone on their awesome new shoes or giving up your seat on the bus (or allowing someone to merge) It makes me feel better and hopefully makes someone feel better , too.
I’m not sure how much I can help except to reassure you that your personality does not have to be a straight line into “grumpy old man”.
When I was your age, I was also pessimistic, sarcastic, cynical, with deadpan humor. I probably wasn’t a fun person to be around. Now that i’m twice your age, i’m optimistic, positive, pleasant and friendly, and love goofy humor and Dad Jokes. My politics have skewed way left, and I regularly try to interject some hope into discussions with disillusioned young adults. Don’t worry about a thing 'Cause every little thing is gonna be alright
My best guess for why I changed, was having kids. Some of it was to light up the path of their lives, some of it was seeing the light through their eyes, but I think it was mostly joining them. I first saw the light at a cabin in the Adirondacks when I snuck out early before anyone was up so I could feed my newborn his first bottle at the top of the nearby mountain. I could look around, do the Lion King thing to proclaim the world as his. But it got better as he got older and I rediscovered my inner child and the simple joy of playing. Now he’s the serious kid going into college worrying about his future, the environment, etc, and I’m the goofball making him laugh, showing hope and optimism about the future, letting him know every little thing is gonna be alright l
Well, self awareness goes a long way, so you’re on the right path. Lots of people get crotchety and cynical by focusing too much on things that are outside their control. Focus more on areas of your life that you can influence, and learn to enjoy your life for what it is rather than what it could be.
Honestly, if you’re the type of person who’s prone to this, disengaging from hyper cynical social media platforms (yes, including Lemmy) is probably another good idea.
My dad used to be super into politics and consumed rage-bait news on TV and social media a lot, especially during the height of covid. Once he unplugged from all of that there was a noticeable shift in his demeanor and I would say that he’s significantly happier and more content now.
disengaging from hyper cynical social media platforms (yes, including Lemmy)
Ideally, but I found on reddit that highly curating my subscriptions (including pretty much removing all defaults) helped too.
Don’t worry about it, accept it as a stage of life and do it with style. Start cataloging a lot of zingers aimed at young people being foolish and practice your delivery of the word “dumbass” so that it can be used to end most sentences.
Indeed. Would that we could all aspire to “The 70s Show” ideal crotchety old man.
One thing no one seems to be mentioning, is finding a purpose. A reason that things are worth it even when they aren’t good.
What is your reason for living, your hope, even when shit hits the fan?
My purpose is my art and my animations, only thing is this new job is extremely demanding time and energy wise compared to anything I’ve had, so I barely have time to get home and create anymore
Does that stand up when everything goes to hell?
This is crucial. Even if that thing is just enjoying a nice walk in the morning or finding the best burger in town or playing pinball. The point is to make yourself have something to look forward to. That’s all that keeps me going.
Eh just lean into it.
The way you avoid becoming a crotchety old man is to die young. I’m not sure I’ve met a genuinely happy old man.
I’ve met several. Usually on dive boats in the Caribbean! So I’d say the secret is to overdose on nitrogen while staring at fish in their natural habitat.
I know of one that seems happy all the time, he’s approaching 70. He’s also stoned 24/7 which may have something to do with it.
My grandpa lived to 93, lived through the depression, went overseas during WW2, drove a cab and various delivery trucks until he retired. He wasn’t crotchety at all, at least not that I saw, and I spent a good 7 years living just a few blocks away, so I saw him a lot. He was always cracking jokes and singing songs. Before dinner he’d often turn his knife into an instrument (use your palm to hold down the blade end against the edge of the table and flick the handle… Move it in and out to change the tone). When out to dinner he was the one blowing is straw wrapper across the dining area. He’d flop his dentures all around to ways that were silly. He even had an old fart machine made out of some steel wire, a washer, and some rubber bands.
Sometimes he’s say, “people weren’t meant to live this long”, but that’s about as dark as it got and it was normally said in a matter of fact way. He’d usually just say “getting old isn’t for wimps.”
Give more than you take.
I think this would work. It’s effort but it’ll do.
Get a better job and hang around with cooler people, get drunk and high if you feel like it, and get your mind into a state of carelessness about all the bullshit. Don’t worry about things that you can’t control, because it does no good and stains your mind. Enjoy your hobbies and do whatever you want.
get drunk
they buried the real answer here inside a bunch of extra fluff
Remember kids that drugs and alcohol (redundant) only boost your dopamine levels temporarily while you’re under the influence, and can totally ruin your body’s ability to produce dopamine normally.
only boost your dopamine levels temporarily
That’s true if you’re only under the influence of drugs and alcohol temporarily. Be high and/or drunk all the time and it will boost your dopamine permanently.
Source: my 20’s.
Obligatory PSA from Southpark about the real danger of many drugs - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd4cASkBAp0
name checks out
Well, yeah. Yeah you’re on the path to being a grumpy old man. Why the fuck wouldn’t ya be? Have you looked around? So many humans doing what they can to actively make things worse. Everyday stupid shit just gets stupider.
Fuck it.
Yeah. We’re fucking it up. Fuck it. Yeah. Peeps are shits to each other. Fuck it. Yeah. So many of us refuse to change even a tiny bit to make the world better for all. Fuck it.
Humans are some silly people. Best thing to do is improve little things around ya. Be the change you’d like to see. And… Fuck it. Let that shit go.
Widen that view as far as you can. We’re fucking miracles. Fucking stars blew up and made these crazy improbable combo of atoms speeding along on a spaceship planet that ending up making a you. And a me. And we’re here at the same damn time. Fucking hell.
Yeah. Everything is fucked. But don’t worry. No matter what happens, the sun will swallow the earth and it will all disappear.
So make the best of it. Enjoy the enjoyable parts of the ride. Find a butt to pinch, a flower to smell, a candle to burn. Waste some time.
Breathe and feel that fucking air in your throat. Fucking nice.
If you’re grumpy, be grumpy. Enjoy it. Oscar your grouch right up!
Fuck it.
Nihilism in a fucking nutshell.
Not specific to your issue but: Remember that people younger than you grew up in very different situations then you did. You grew up, then the world changed. It never stops changing.
After reading the other replies I went back and re-read your post to check…you don’t mention a partner or any significant other. I think you might be focusing too hard inward (bad mood, cynical, walls up) and not focusing outward (cherishing interactions with others, forming or maintaining bonds with others). Perhaps you’re feeling lonely?
I am a grump but my wife won’t let me get away with it for long. I am cynical but my friends call me on it because I force myself to share. My work puts me in contact with new people every day and I actively seek an understanding of them and have to let them see who I am in order to be good at my job.
Another respondent said “put yourself out there”. I agree but would also add seek out interactions with others and be a participant not an observer.
So I do have a partner, we spend a lot of time together and I’m actually quite happy relationship wise, however I’m not very happy friend wise, I have some online friends but no real friends and have trouble talking to other guys, I’ve never been much for bro talk
I’m glad you have someone to lean on - that’s what makes the difference for me. I also don’t do bro - hate sports, don’t like pranks. I don’t have many friends but the ones I have are solid and dependable. I see my best friend less than monthly but we talk several times a day to share work complaints, discuss food or what we’re currently binging on TV.
i’d say it gets better but I am 42.
Probably avoiding alcohol unless in moderation when socializing. I’d suggest meditating as well.
