I don’t get it. Everywhere I look there is this discussion about getting into a relationship, getting gfs/bfs and constantly chasing after it. And I’m not doing anything of it. I never paid attention to such stuff. During my teenage years, I thought it was normal attraction which people cave into and pursued such things. But now in my 20s, the same thing I observe, if not a little bit more than I used it. People getting sad because they are not finding someone. People being happy because they have one for themselves.
I’m not that career focused either. I just mind my own business. If it’s studying or working, I just mind that. I do nothing like checking out girls in my school/workplace like my peers do. Maybe I’m just scared to pursue such things. I also think having a relationship is a huge headache too. Meeting them, making them happy, going out with them regularly. (I don’t go out myself where will I take her to?). All of this while doing your daily stuff.
Am I wrong thinking to put career first before I get into relationships and stuff?
Noone dies wishing they worked more.
But almost every poor old person wishes they’d earned more when they were younger.
Same. But I merely burnt-out+got Fibromyalgia at 32.
I should have worked more harder.
/s
Also, “Work won’t love you back.”
Do what makes you happy
I’m surprised no one is really talking about asexuality. Sexuality is a spectrum. It’s entirely possible and perfectly fine if romantic relationships aren’t as important to you as they are to other people.
I know people who spend entire nights crying and reinforcing their dogs separation anxiety because they can’t find a partner. Others that are much closer to retirement than college who have never had a serious romantic partner and don’t seek one.
You probably shouldn’t prioritize work over personal life. You also don’t have to be in relationships if you don’t want to. I would recommend keeping an open mind and not getting stuck on labels. If partners and relationships aren’t something you think about a lot that’s ok. If not having that bothers you then you might want to seek professional help to assist in figuring out why you’re avoiding relationships.
Also keep in mind that basically every country on the planet heavily encourages marriage and children so get used to skipping all those options on your taxes and benefits.
I mean, if that’s what makes you feel fulfilled in life, you do you.
I can say that I’ve spoken with a lot of elderly people looking back on their lives and it’s nearly unanimous that they all say they’d wish they’d spent less time at work and more with their family. I’ve never once heard someone say the opposite.
I’m in my late 30s, so still pretty young, but with a bit more experience than you. I can tell you that your employer will never care about you beyond what financial benefit you bring. They’ll never be there for you when you hit hard times. They’ll never help support you when you need it. They’ll never be your shoulder to cry on or provide you emotional support. That’s what friends and family are for.
Focus on your career if that’s what you want right now, but be mindful of where you might be in 10, 20, or 30 years or where you want to be. Finding a partner in life doesn’t just happen because you’re successful in your career or expect it should. You need to put effort into making that happen. If you don’t know what you want out of life, now is the time to experiment to figure that out. Do you want to be a career-driven person who spends most of their time selling your labor to someone else? Do you want to build a business you own yourself? Do you want to have kids and a family? Do you want to travel and experience a lot of the world?
These are questions only you can answer for yourself. You don’t need to have the answers now, but now is the time to start figuring out those answers.
nothing at all is wrong with building a career first if that is what you want to do. It is your life after all.
I’ve gotten the most interest from others when I’ve been focused on my own goals, anyway.
Try to relax and enjoy the ride. Relaxed people are attractive.
Trust your future self to make good dating choices, when the opportunity arrives.
That said, it took me awhile to wise up and establish some very basic fashion sense.
If I could tell my past self one thing about dating, it would be:
Classic looks never go out of style, but “not even trying” never goes into style.
I took too long to figure that one out.
Ohh I’m very bad at fashion myself.
I think it can be long term a suboptimal strategy.
A good relationship can take many years to grow, and it’s very likely that your best partner later in life is one who was there with you during the grind, who knows what it was like before vs after, and has the perspective.
Ideally, who also worked hard on their own career at the same time.
It’s nice to have someone to support you during that period of your life, who remembers the tough times and you can reminisce later once things are better.
My partner and I have been together for 15 years now, and we both very much nostalgia all the time over when life was tougher, but also simpler.
I think if you get a partner later when all the dust us settled, you’ll never quite be able to capture that same type if relationship and you’ll never get quite as close as you could’ve, cuz they simply just weren’t present for that period of your life.
Weird but not bad. More abnormal. Be aware others aren’t waiting, so you may have slim pickings when the time comes
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You question seems jumbled and I have interpreted as, “why do people care so much about relationships when I don’t”
Its because you have different priorities in life. They enjoy their relationships, to you its indifferent. That’s about it really.
Neither are a requirement for life, although you generally need at least one of the two.
Relationships are work, although the good ones only feel like work when there are conflicts and challenges. Even then, a good partner is a net benefit as two can accomplish more things than one.
Careers are kind of a nebulous series of jobs, which may or may not be a linear progression. They do generally reault in increasing income faste than inflation over time, but not always. Someone can switch caeers at any time, or just have a series of jobs, or even find a way to make money in a way that may or may not be considered a career.
Being in a relationship can also result in not needing to work at all if the single income of the other person is high enough.
So you should set your priorities based on your goals and what you want to put effort into. If that is a career now, you will have that established when looking for a relationship. If you chose a relationship, it may or may not help with a career or you may not need to pursue one. Whichever one you choose may end up getting switched at any point during your life because of accidents or incompatability so the most important thing is to focus on whichever you choose and if an opportunity for the other happens to pop up don’t ignore it if you want both eventually.
You don’t ever have to have a relationship if you don’t want to, it’s your life, live how you want. I do personally think there is a benefit to early life relationships, helps us learn to relate to others, people who stay alone for so long get too particular about their lives and can’t always transition to shared lives. But that’s not insurmountable even if it happens to you, and it might not, or you might decide you don’t ever want to couple-up. All that is up to you, enjoy!
I agree with those that say it really depends on what you want atm. If it’s something you’re actually wanting and think you can manage that with the other things you have going on, then as a 30 year old loner myself, I would say go for it—but maybe that’s just me projecting. I’ve been bitching about getting into a relationship and make excuses nonstop but I ain’t necessarily getting any younger. They’ll probably make the movie 60 year old virgin about me, so look forward to that (the movie). 😉
No you’re not. Everyone is different and as long as you don’t avoid relationships out of principle, it’s fine. But if that ever changes, stay open minded. Do what feels right.
