Edit: My own solution: when it happens, get off the computer and pet the dog.
So let’s say I make a point on a post. I put forward my argument and I support it with evidence.
Now let’s say the first comment is from someone who disagrees with me, but seems to fundamentally misunderstand what I am saying, probably because they read the title of the post and immediately posted the first thing that came to mind.
But my fear, acquired from Reddit, is that people are going to read this guy’s totally inaccurate presentation of my argument and then every comment in the rest of the discussion will proceed as if that’s what I said.
And since, as we all know, fear leads to hate, my first instinct is just to berate this person for being a stupid moron.
This is a bad strategy. Not only is probably against Lemmy rules, it automatically makes me the bad guy.
So: question: how do I handle this person without tediously restating my position again, which is extremely irritating because I already wrote it once and they didn’t read it the first time. What I want is to say something that quickly quarantines the misreading comment in people’s minds so the misreading doesn’t infect the entire thread.
And so began yet another opportunity for people to declare they’re smarter or more neurodivergent (i.e. better) than everybody else.
My dad is more neurodivergent than yours!! /s
This has been a problem since the early days of usenet.
I suspect there is no good solution
Autists deal with this daily, on lemmy and everywhere life.
Phase 1: explain
Phase 2: just let it go
And estimate in advance if you have the energy and motivation to get into it. Mostly I don’t even get into it although I would really be happy for constructive exchange.
What is the connection to autism? Why don’t people understand you?
I often switch contexts in my head without informing my partner and assuming they’ll know what I’m talking about.
Your answer kinda proves the point to me, meaning no disrespect.
The issue is we all are using the same words but neurotypical people rely heavily on reading and messaging between the lines, which we don’t do. This results in the so called double empathy problem where there’s a lot of issues in the communication.
Since 99% are usually neurotypical and 1% are autists, the norm is basically NT and we’re the ones who have to deal with this on a daily basis. And since the knowledge of autism is actually way outdated for many people who do not actively concern themselves with this (and even most professionals, sadly), often people think of the really disabled autists and not fully capable people that have a biologically different brain causing this.
This pushes the issue to a wholly different level on highly functioning autists, aka nothing seems different but the struggles are absolutely real and the misunderstandings are on completely different levels e.g. a valid harmless query from the Autist to assess a situation is interpreted as a vile attack on a NT.
Psychologically and socially it’s actually a highly interesting topic.
Can you explain what i said and what point it proved? i have at least two options.
You’ve lost me. And while I provided fundamentals with source I do not comprehend what this short statement is meaning nor trying to achieve but personal ‘winning’ on the internet.
As previously stated we have to manage our social resources tightly and this is where I exit.
At any point that I’m about to make a post online and I realize that the emotional energy required to continue engaging is more than I’m willing to commit to this particular discussion, I just bail. No reply, no downvote, just peace out. It’s really not worth it.
Make one clarifying point comment and then move on.
An example of how to do it:
You: EVs are better for the environment
Comment: Why are you saying that China should rule the world?
You: I’m saying that EV’s are better for the environment no matter who makes them. Last comment.
An example on how not to do it:
You: EVs are better for the environment
Comment: Why are you saying that China should rule the world?
You: I never said that you asshole. Why are you sticking up for China, you fucking tankie. You’re a troll piece of shit, etc., etc.,
Comment: You said China is amazing, you obviously want to go down on them
You: Why are you saying this shit? Etc., etc., etc. blah, blah, blah
I can see the scars, friend. Thank you for your service.
Lol, I should have prefaced with Reddit survivor.
Honestly, I have PTSD from that site. Things are better here, but sometimes my flashbacks get triggered.
It took awhile to get rid of that for me too. I can spot the trolls pretty easily here though, there are about 10 accounts maybe? I sometimes fall for the trap, but it’s getting rarer and rarer. I have found their patterns, but sometimes it takes me a few comments to see that it’s bad faith.
I think Lemmy/Piefed is so much less addicting, that it doesn’t really matter as much. I guess because the anger is the part that’s addicting and I never realized I was in it until I got away. It’s really strange though, I just quit cold turkey. Which is great, but strange. I’m so glad I did.
When you use “troll”, are you implying intent? I think some people are just poor readers, and having decided they are right, now blindly argue for their position regardless of any information.
I’m absolutely implying intent. There are trolls here, for sure. I probably see it more because I mod a larger community and I’m in politics a lot. If you avoid those communities, you probably have a different perspective. People misunderstand too, and if I get it wrong I apologize.
So you fear and hate someone who didn’t understand your opinion or point of view? I can’t say that’s ever honestly been a thing for me. Everyone doesn’t need to understand or agree with you, and that doesn’t make you wrong or right. If you’re that angry at someone on an anonymous online forum maybe you should seek some sort of help, legitimately I’m not trying to be mean or condescending.
“Wow you expressed basic human vulnerability about one of your problems and asked for help? I can’t empathise with someone as crazy as that! I think only a professional can help you, maybe even only God. You’re really messed up. Legitimately I’m not trying to be mean or condescending”
Realize that what they say about whatever % of people being functionally illiterate is true.
my fear, acquired from Reddit, is that people are going to read this guy’s totally inaccurate presentation of my argument and then every comment in the rest of the discussion will proceed as if that’s what I said.
If you really feel the need to, just say “that’s not what I meant, please re-read it. I think it was clear enough that I’m not going to repeat it”. But I doubt the fear that others will agree with him is too real.
Lemmy is becoming self aware
I try to give them one chance. Sometimes I get pulled in deeper if I’ve got nothing better to do. But on the whole, respond with curiosity first. Then determine of they are worth your time. If not, ignore them and move on, interacting with those more worth your while while eye rolling the idiots.
Guess the best way is to not care much about what others think of you. Then, eventually, down votes and bad arguments made by morons really just don’t even bother you. Engage with better people, ignore the rest and chuck a down vote.
I would argue that downvotes and bad arguments made by morons aren’t so different from downvotes and arguments made by the “intellectually superior” among you. It’s hard to corral human thought and all of it’s often contradictory and competing, overt or covert motivations.
Sometimes I give myself downvotes. Points don’t matter. Block people you find frustrating. Enjoy the people you like. Do whatever, just don’t break the rules.
I’m downvoting this.
We clearly disagree on the point of your comment so I’m upvoting. Take that! You’ll think twice before you vote the wrong way next time.
I’m downvoting you too.
You don’t scare me! I’m upvoting your response here too.
The rules are made up and the points don’t matter. At the end of the day, trying to argue with someone on the internet who does not have good faith in trying to hear your side of things is ultimately a pointless endeavour. Ignore them and move on.
Seems pointless to worry about. Just move on I guess?
Block them, don’t feed the trolls.
But my fear, acquired from Reddit, is that people are going to read this guy’s totally inaccurate presentation of my argument and then every comment in the rest of the discussion will proceed as if that’s what I said.
Difficult as it is, I have to remind myself that the people who do this are not my target audience. They are swayed by the wind like blades of grass. Even if I convince them, they will be unconvinced by next week. The people who my words can affect are the people who bother to read what was actually said.
If I feel the need to reply, a very simple “that’s not what I said but okay” and block them and move on. If they want to respond, anything they say will be longer than that sentence and the people who aren’t invested will gloss over it and move on. And the people who are invested will go back and reread what I originally said. Or at least that’s what I tell myself as I open up TikTok to look at videos of cats chattering and possums loudly cronching on grapes or whatever cute shit they’re up to.
Everyone at one point is going to get triggered about something that they feel passionate about, and waste time writing paragraphs in replies. Once you recognize you are in that mode, move on. Find some silly cat videos, or fascists getting beat up.
This is the internet, where the positions are made up, and vote counts literally do not matter, at all.
