I tried making a Reddit account and it asked me to build karma before I could ask on any of the relevant subs so I’m posting here.
I can personally say that if anything goes up there, it hurts, and not in a good way. It does not feel pleasurable at all. It feels kind of like placing a finger on an open sore and pushing down.
Also, if you’re being examined, they tell you to take deep breaths, as if they know that anything going up is going to be painful. If sex is supposed to be pleasurable and enjoyable, why would doctors tell you to brace for impact, so to speak?
Lastly, women often scream during sex. It’s often said they’re screaming out of pleasure and not pain. But there are a lot of things I find extremely pleasurable, but I don’t scream while I do them.
Is it just one of those things that is painful but we’re conditioned into believing the pain is actually pleasure and I must have inconsistent pain tolerance and I am making a big deal out of this?
I made a snarky comment but after reading the body I realize you’re a female OP.
Go see a doctor. Yes women do enjoy sex and if it’s painful or uncomfortable you might need to get something checked out.
deleted by creator
If the docor said “this is going to feel good” that would be a lot weirder
Several reasons. One, they’re sticking a metal thing in there, and that can be painful, especially if they don’t use enough lube. I remind them to use a lot. :) Two, you may be having a lot of anxiety and tightening up all your muscles (I know I do!) so that makes it harder for them to insert the thing–hence, they tell you to take breaths and try to relax. Also, I always try to go to a woman gynecologist. I’m more comfortable with someone who knows what it’s like and they’re usually much nicer, so that helps.
The expectation of pain is a huge factor for my partner, she has to be TOTALLY RELAXED to enjoy anything.
And this developed after us being together for like 10 years. We had super fun, impromptu sex whenever, and then that started to go away.
Point is, expectations of pain can make sex painful. So OP has a hill to climb to get to easy, comfortable sex.
Medicine traditionally does not consider the pain of women or children to be worthy of consideration. They only started using anesthesia on infants in the 1980s, as doctors had convinced themselves that infants couldn’t feel pain, for some reason.
There are two parts to this. For starters, sex without arousal is also painful. During arousal, you secrete lubricants, the vaginal cavity expands as blood flows to it, and your body dampens pain reception across the entire body. Most people are not aroused by medical examinations and given your examples for experiences I’d say you’re definitely not getting hot and bothered by it. So the difference is eating a candy that you’re excited for compared to eating plain bread with a dry mouth.
Second is that your doc may be aware of your issue and forewarning you so you’re prepared. Given the way you talk about it, I’d imagine you’re probably on the younger side. If you’re getting your first few exams, or have been direct about your experiences so far then it’s likely they’re playing it safe for your comfort.
Lastly, talk to your Doctor about this issue, here are some examples so you know the verbage. I’m a guy but I do have second hand experience. I long distanced a gal who had surgery for microperforate hymen before we met and was incredibly scared of penetration in any way. It didn’t work out for other reasons, but we had a lot of fun building her confidence and other interests. The mother of my child had a partial transverse vaginal septum, it led to a sharp and buring pain at the entrance during penetration outside of a specific angle. This was “solved” during child birth when the doc had to snip her to allow the baby to come out. After getting stitched back correctly (no husband stitches here) she ended up having quite the sexual awakening. Lastly, my now spouse had a rotated womb which lead to abdominal pain during arousal as it pinched the womb. This was remedied.by a full hysterectomy for unrelated purposes.
Point being, there’s a lot of variables in the area and it would do good to read up on some of the issues, do some self exploration to get a good handle on what your symptoms are, and them talk to your Doctor about it.
Sex is very different from physical examination at a doctor’s office. A doctor may need to do things that you wouldn’t do for pleasure but are still important for checking on your health. Some of the things they may need to do may be uncomfortable/painful for some people with vaginas. It’s also a psychological thing: pleasure during sex/masturbation has a fairly significant psychological component. It’s rarely the case that anyone automatically enjoys any interaction with their genitals (male or female genitals, actually). It’s very context dependent and dependent on one’s frame of mind. Most people are not going into doctor’s appointments with any desire or expectation for pleasure, so the experience is just very different from the get go.
Another possible reason for asking you to take a deep breath is that deep breathing can relax muscles and the mind, which can be helpful during an examination.
Full disclosure: am a guy.
Holding your breath allows you to tense up and clench more than you can while breathing. Taking a deep breath eliminates some “tensing” muscles from the equation. Still, with some effort (or anxiety, probably) you can still clench up while breathing.
Not a woman here but coning from my wife: fuck yes, women enjoy sex and a lot of it. When she comes, she screams every time.
If sexual intercourse isn’t pleasurable for you, or even painful, you may wnat to consult with a physician tonfigurr out what could cause your discomfort or pain, and to try and fix it
Sex is (and should be) awesome and amazing for everyone. I feel you’re missing out on something wonderful and hope that you’ll be able to fix this issue.
Beat wishes!
In case it wasn’t mentioned already, consider looking into pelvic physical therapy. They specialize in this area and treat physical problems that cause pain during sexual activity, bodily functions, etc. I see one and it has helped me a lot!
My wife has had an issue with pain during penetration that turned out to be caused by the depo birth control shot. It’s a rare side effect that no one told her about.
Endometriosis. PCOS. Look them both up and please, please, please go see a doctor.
Ex had endo, it’s a fucking nightmare.
We heavily modified our sex lives to adjust to it, a lot more foreplay and a lot less penetration.
I have screamed uncontrollably from pleasure until I lost my voice. It was too much but my partner refused to stop because they knew exactly what they were doing and no safeword was said. I like pain, I like pleasure, I like sex. Sometimes it starts as pain and becomes pleasure, sometimes it’s the other way around, sometimes it goes back and forth.
If you aren’t having fun, you aren’t having fun. Though, sometimes, vocalizing at all is a flood gate.
Yes. I am a woman and really enjoy sex. Less so when I was younger but it is not supposed to hurt, no. Two questions:
What happens when you put in a tampon?
Are you really very aroused before trying penetration?
ETA - people are recommending lube but lube does not substitute for arousal. Lube only helps slip - arousal makes space, adds slip, and relaxes the opening of the vagina some, so that there is room for a penis (or fingers or whatever). Sex is amazing but you need to be turned on to enjoy it.
I used to think this and it took me far too long to realise that men aren’t icky, I’m just a raging lesbian.
As another raging lesbian, I still think men are pretty icky. But they’re bumbling around all this the same we are
Similar to other comments, that kinda sounds like vaginismus from what I’ve read of it. Obviously people have different preferences, but it’s not supposed to be painful, assuming you’re well-lubricated via foreplay or otherwise. It should be plenty wet inside and not dry. Things should slide right in and not be difficult to insert (important note: I do not have a vagina, this is just based on my sexual experience).
Plenty of people with vaginas don’t particularly enjoy penetration for one reason or another (and plenty do), but actual physical pain is another matter, I think.
I’ll add an asterisk to your statements. As a woman, things don’t generally slide right in (ymmv), and usually there’s still a little bit of intentionality to get to the good parts. Of course, something with tiny girth might slide in, but generally, phallic-type objects can still take a little work.
Yeah that’s fair, I guess maybe it depends on your definition of “slide right in”. I meant it as “there shouldn’t be any signficiant resistance to insertion”, which was qualified by needing lubrication/arousal for that to be the case. And I guess it should be further qualified that the thing being inserted should be lubricated as well.
But that being said, I am not a woman, so what I’m saying should certainly be taken with a grain of salt.
Very interesting thread.
Just a little side note for everyone. Climax. The word you’re looking for is climax. Or orgasm if you want to be totally technical. Not come, or cum. Climax.
Everyone is using some form of cum/come when talking about climax and I think it might be a little confusing for op.
Have you had pleasure from other types of stimulation, other than penetrative?
Women scream in porn. If sex is painful for you, you should see an obgyn
Or spit on it first at the very least.
Not a woman but I’ve picked up the following:
-
Some women do enjoy it. Some woman orgasm easily and others it takes time to get comfortable enough to do so. Some not at all. Personally I think it’s the ones who masterbate regularly, they seem more comfortable and seem to know how to get there. The only tells I’ve learned that I can trust as a man are if they get really flushed, if you can feel them spasm quick and hard, or if they squirt or get really wet. Everything else can be faked. Some woman don’t orgasm all the time but claim it just feels good.
-
Some Woman fake it… a lot. the yelling is likely faking it unless you see any of the signs from #1. In my experience and conversations it’s usually one night stands or maybe a partner they are particularly interested in, I’ve had female partners and friends tell me it’s usually to try and leave an impression. But woman do it for many reasons. Some are silent if there are other people in the same dwelling who might hear it, but let loose and get if they know they have privacy.
-
If you are curious, I’d recommend speaking to a doctor if you don’t enjoy it at all and want to change your situation.
-
As a bottom I can give you one rule: penetrative sex of any kind is not supposed to be painful.
If it is then there’s usually a diagnosable problem to fix. It’s not always physical it can be really spiritual. I struggle with bottoming usually because I need to like the person I’m with enough to relax, it’s called being demi-sexual.
I feel like tops of any sexuality don’t really grok how intense of an experience it is to let someone into your own body such that when they’re in they don’t know how to respect what’s in there. Sometimes it does get so intense that it comes out of your voice, sometimes for me at least it gets too intense and I’m not sure if it feels good or bad so I need my top to slow down and let me figure out how things got rearranged.
Lastly, porn recorded by total nobodys on a webcam or iPhone is just barely grazing the boundary of reality. So if you’re not vocal, you don’t scream, then you just don’t like that just not you.
I have said since I was a teenager, that women do not enjoy sex nearly as much as men.
Now that I’m older, it’s gone from being sn observation, to understsnding why.
When men have sex, there’s no downside, and it’s easily the best thing we’ll do all day.
When women have sex, they do enjoy it. But they have so many things to worry about. Are they going to get pregnant? Does this guy have a wife? Is he going to hurt me? Is he just using me?
Those are all things women have to think about with sex. Men don’t.
I know I’ve never been worried about if a woman is just using me. It would actually probably be pretty easy come to think about it. If a woman wanted to just use me for sex? Like she just wanted to handcuff me to the bed, and sit on my face? It would probably be really easy for a 110lbs 5’2 woman to overpower 6’0 250lbs me. She could easily overpower me, and handcuff me to the bed. And if she doesn’t have handcuffs…I could bring some…
Men have to worry about pregnancy too. If a man gets a woman pregnant, it’s ultimately her choice whether to keep the baby or not, so the risk is she would want to keep it and you gotta help raise the kid or pay child support.
It sounds like you’re coming from a perspective of women only having one night stands. In a loving long term relationship, I hope that the answer to questions like “does this guy have a wife”, “is he going to hurt me” or “is he just using me” would all be no.
Does this guy have a wife? Is he going to hurt me? Is he just using me?
I probably wouldn’t be in a relationship with a guy if these were my worries during sex. But, there are other considerations that happen regardless of relationship status.
There’s an inherent difference in being the “receiver,” a type of intimacy that only comes from having somebody else physically inside your own body. Things can get sore, especially if the guy treats sex like an Olympic event that he needs to keep on going for a long time. (Or if he has his own issues with orgasming from penetration, which is surprisingly common these days. “Death grip” where a man becomes accustomed to the tightness of his own hand, or a reliance on viewing porn in order to cum, seem to be all over the place.)
I enjoy penetrative sex, but my body needs a break sometimes. Things can start to get uncomfortable after going on for 20 minutes. I don’t think most straight guys are aware of the physical stress of being penetrated. It can be fun, in small doses, but if we regularly get to the point where I feel sore inside, it can become something aversive. Honestly I’d rather be with a guy who cums too quickly than a guy who can “keep going on and on,” because it sucks to always be the one to put an end to sexy times.
No, it’s a lie made up by the patriarchy
Big Lube keeping the poor wo/man down.
