Coming from a world where the word itself is not even widely know, the idea of being raised as child without any explanations about the world or comforts to be held, scares me. I always heard on the internet of people leaving their religion as teenagers when they were raised by their parents religiously. Lots of people fall into existentialism, which makes sense to me
But what of a child. I am a very anxious person(as i have come to accept). Being told that there is nothing after death or that no one really knows, would have send me spiraling. That said, logically, people have done it(even if i can’t picture it) so i am also wondering how people/parents grappled with this and struggles they faced, what solutions they come up with
Also, on the opposite of the spectrum, what happens when your child converts(?) to a religion. Yes its there choice and all, but i cant imagine there being no resentment or conflicted feeling
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are you saying “god” is a good explanation for the world?
why not tell them the truth? we dont know everything. when we die, unexplainable. thats literally just fact. you might have spiralled but it sounds like youre religious. so that isnt surprising.
But telling them about a god and eternal hellfire if you sin? thats the worst lie you could say
Maybe you grew up with so much anxiety due to religion itself? I’m the opposite, I live in an area which has almost no religious people and I feel everybody is very calm and friendly. Maybe the idea of eternal hell or heaven might be triggering that unconsciously in you
I was talking to a born-again about faith and she’s so worried about the people around her making a mistake and going to hell. And not in the evangelical sense of shouting about her Bible, but just an innate fear of bad things happening to her loved ones in the afterlife.
…the idea of being raised as child without any explanations about the world or comforts to be held, scares me.
Your understanding of atheism is uhh, questionable.
To answer this question, the world was explained through science. Carl Sagan was the shit back then. Comforts are more tangible things like family or food rather than an imaginary “after”.
There is actually no need to talk to children about gods. Those questions you imply only religion could answers usually don’t pop up in a childrens world except when brought in from external sources.
I have found that children don’t need lies to comfort them. By nature, children are curious and crave understanding. It’s important for parents to respect that and equip them both with what we already know, and the skills to keep exploring. Engage with them, help them understand the questions, feed their innate sense of wonder. Eventually they’ll teach you a thing or two.
I find no comfort in implausible lies, and I feel a need to help my kids avoid that discomfort. I also want them to have agency in life, so they need to understand how such lies are used by society to try and control them.
I really appreciate this explanation and have been striving to do the same with my child. I was raised in a fairly standard religious (protestant) household and actually had a period when I really bought into all of it. But when I reached my teenage years and the things I was reading and being told started to make me ask questions, that the people who seemed to have all of the answers would essentially clam up or double down on the dogma they were throwing out.
Being an atheist in America is a bit of a challenge as an adult, but I have learned to navigate the social situations that would potentially “out-me” to folks who are religious. As a result, I have had many conversations with my kid to prepare them for these kinds of conversations since being an atheist is apparently almost as bad as being a democrat (and a socialist!) in the part of the US I live in. I would like to think that my child will steer clear of religion at this point and that he will remain a free-thinker but I suppose only time will tell.
The loss of belief for me started with a loss of faith in the people I was always taught to trust. I never want my child to ever look at me that way when they realize everything they were led to believe is made up.
“the idea of being raised as child without any explanations about the world or comforts to be held, scares me.”
What a strange thing to say. What makes you think atheists do this? I tell my children what we know about the world, and what we don’t yet know. No need to make up anything short of Santa and the Tooth Fairy, but they grow out of this fast.
“Also, on the opposite of the spectrum, what happens when your child converts(?)”
I can only speak for myself, not atheists, but my kids are encouraged to make up their own minds. I take every opportunity to discuss religion and my kids even go to a catholic school. I consider it essential to understand history art and culture.
That said, they are very comfortable with atheism and they don’t find any of religion comforting, quite the opposite. It’s disturbing to them.
One of the criticisms of being raised in a specific faith is that the children do not choose their faith, they are already in it.
So being raised by an atheist and then choosing a religion would carry more weight and meaning because it was a conscious decision made deliberately by that person.
This is my view. I am not going to force a religion on a kid. Let them make their choice. There are already plenty id people blindly following something only because their parents/friends/guardians did. A lot of them are just halfassing it because they don’t truly believe, but don’t know what else to do.
What would I tell a kid they must adore a guy who would burn entire cities and shit? I’d rather teach the kid tolerance.
The joy of not knowing is discovery. I’d rather be told the truth that we don’t know, rather than being lied to in certainty.
When you say “without any explanations of the world”, I think you misunderstand.
There are plenty of explanations that don’t involve God.
For example… years ago I worked in a bookstore, this was around when Twister was out, dad came in with his son who was desperately afraid of tornadoes, specifically, if an F5 could destroy a town, he was convinced the big red spot on Jupiter was like an F1,000,000 and was coming to get him.
Dad was looking for books to talk him down.
Now, someone steeped in religion would have gone down the road of God this, God that, chosen people, etc. etc. etc.
So I sat the kid down…
“OK, so at a basic level, what is a tornado?”
“Wind?”
“Right! Really fast wind, wind in a hurry. And what is wind made out of?”
“…?”
“Well, it’s made of air, right? Look, you’re breathing some right now! It’s just not going fast.”
“OK…”
“Well, there’s no air in space, right? So there’s no way for the spot on Jupiter to get off Jupiter.”
‼️
“But what if it could?”
"Well, you know gravity, right? Makes things fall down? Gravity is stronger on Jupiter. Hang on, I think we have it in a book…
Yeah, here you go, 2.5 times stronger than Earth. Let’s say you weigh 100 pounds, you would weigh 250 pounds on Jupiter!
So, no air in space, and everything on Jupiter is heavier, way harder to leave."
Dad was thrilled that his kid wasn’t having a perpetual anxiety attack.
Yeah, yeah, I know, the spot is technically hydrogen and helium and not air, but explain like I’m five, right?
A lot of the perceived challenges comes from atheism being a battleground of culture war bullshit in the US. War on Christmas and such vomit.
In reality, kids being raised without indoctrination are fine. They tend to form some beliefs. Some get really deeply christian, and it’s not even something to argue about in countries where we aren’t constantly being told we should be in conflict about it or reminded how stupid and/or evil the “others” are.
Speaking from experience of christian parents, atheist self, one christian child. We are just… fine about it.
I explain plenty about the world and provide a lot of comforts for my child. I don’t need a god to do this for me.
It can be a comfort to believe nothing exists beyond this living realm. That our actions and our lives are what we make of them in the here and now.
My kid has very little questions of a sky daddy who watches our every move. It doesn’t bring him comfort to be watched for any little transgression to be held against him. He is content to be a good and kind person because that is who he wants to be and how he wants to be treated.
I’m going to assume positive intent with this question.
You raise them the same way, teaching them right and wrong, critical thinking, and empathy, but without the invisible boogeyman always looking over their shoulder. Kids are smart, but the conversation needs to meet them at their level. And it’s ok to admit you don’t know something and find out together. I don’t understand what you mean about “no explanations about the world or comforts to be had”. There’s plenty to learn and be comforted by.
If a rule being written in the bible/koran/torah/whatever is the only thing stopping you from doing something bad, you’re a bad person. You don’t need religion or promise of a reward to be a good person or to have a fulfilling life.
In my experience, people don’t usually convert to religion later in life except via a trauma, like an illness or sudden loss of a parent/child, or conversion for a marriage. This is why it’s important for the church to hook them young before kids have the critical thinking skills to question it. By the time they are old enough, many are indoctrinated to “have faith” which just means “ignore all evidence and don’t look into this further” and perpetuate that into the next generation. Many leave. I was one of those that was raised in the church and left in my teens.
As for what happens after death, no one knows until they get there. There is no authoritative source of information on this beyond what happens to the body. I personally believe there’s nothing after. But I would rather live as a good person for me, and pass that to my kids. If a good life isn’t good enough for whatever gods there may be afterwards, then I probably wouldn’t want to be there anyway.
Plus, eternity would suck, even in a heaven. You’ve got time to do absolutely everything you want to do, as many times as you want, and when you’re done, you still have eternity to go. You really looking forward to your hundred millionth time watching your favorite movie or eating your favorite food?
So, in the end, just be a good person for you and those around you. It’s really that easy. If you also want to be religious, go for it, but don’t ever make the mistake of thinking the two are linked traits. Celebrate the life you have, and live like there’s no tomorrow (or pot of gold at the end of the rainbow).
I just never told them any of those fairy tales. Occasionally, they would ask about something that Grandma taught them at her church, and I would usually say “Well, some people believe that…” and tell them what the mythology is. I wouldn’t argue with it, or ridicule it, but if they asked about my opinion on it, I would explain to them why I didn’t believe it.
I’d have no problem with them deciding to join a church, as long as it wasn’t an especially dangerous cult.
Don’t fuck up or you’ll burn in hell forever.
If you do it right you have to sing praises to God forever.
Feel comforted now?
