I met my wife IRL, but that was after more than a decade on dating apps and multiple long relationships from them. They are the best tool ever created for learning to accept rejection, and learning to feel attraction dynamics/what your preferred partner may be attracted to. Best tool ever, also, if you struggle with confidence around your attracted gender, or struggle with self esteem. Even hyper attractive people who are looking for “the one” have to learn to overcome these things, it’s just how romantic value works psychologically. These issues used to be my main barriers (and some baggage) and I didn’t have a single date for 8 years before I decided “fuck it” and made a tinder account. It was awkward and it fucking sucked at first. Actually, using the app basically always fucking sucked, but it generated hope, at least, and opportunity. I had social and performance anxiety out the ass in the beginning, though.

Relationships/dating are like anything else: practice makes perfect. It sounds weird, I know. You don’t need multiple partners necessarily, but you will grow and change and being in a relationship is the only way to promote that growth and change specifically in response to a relationship. In addition to “practice”, these apps also allow you a LOT of vetting before you spend a single dollar or minute on a bad fit. This can be so frustrating with meeting people IRL and finding out a deal breaker after a LOT of investment. Usually you’re only getting big picture information, but for me, a person who doesn’t jive with the majority of the culture in my community (religion & politics), they were an absolute game changer!

It’s been a long time, so take a big grain of salt with these recommendations, there may be better or more specific options for you! Hinge was my favorite. I only actually went out on dates with 3 people, but they were all high quality encounters. This was just after it came out, too, so there is probably a bigger user base now? Second I would say bumble, but it’s a little more specialized.

A long time ago tinder was the best for volume and minimal investment time, it was also the one I used the longest and with by far the most success. Not sure how it is now, but as the cis man I was at the time I swiped right on every single profile and didn’t get myself invested by being picky in the searching phase on tinder. There is plenty of time to reject before the first meet up and, even with people who swipe you back, the vast majority will simply ghost you after a bit, and that’s just how it is, unless you are lucky enough to be drop dead gorgeous. I was learning not to set myself up for heartbreak by dreaming dreams I was gathering from pictures and text blurbs. You must learn to accept the rejection and stop letting it bother you first, and tinder was amazing at that, eventually you run out of people in your area, or at least I did, but this strategy on tinder made it so I didn’t waste a lot of time reading and lopsidedly investing in anyone who was going to simply swipe my ass left in 0.5 milliseconds anyway. You can also run into people you know on any of these apps, which can be good or bad. Patience is key, don’t lose hope, gain strength and resilience. Frame it as practice and self improvement, and not as magically finding the one in the first week.

Lastly, my absolute best dating advice in retrospect is MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY FIRST. Find a passion, find what fires you up, find your creativity, explore things that make you uncomfortable, take yourself on trips, or out to interesting activities with interesting people, grow as much as you possibly can outside of a relationship, even after you are in one. Regardless of gender, race, culture, sexuality, etc. every human on earth is attracted to passion, security, and ambition in a partner. Work on those traits first (also: hit the gym/eat right, it’s just the reality of physical attraction) and you will attract people to you, which is natural and the ultimate goal in order to meet a person that can grow with the best version of you. In short, become the person you would be attracted to and definitely do not expect your future partner to make you into that person, or allow you to become that person after the fact. It’s on you, no matter what stage of the journey you are at when you meet them.

The security of self actualization also allows you to feel confident enough in yourself to recognize when a relationship isn’t working and take action, which is absolutely essential to not becoming trapped because you don’t think you could do better, or find anyone else. No matter what people say, no one is ever attracted to another person, indefinitely, simply because that person is also attracted to them, it doesn’t happen. Even in the highest value partners across the spectrum of all humans ever, attraction waxes and wanes. So, if your goal is a rock solid, “grow old together” kind of love, you absolutely must build it on a solid foundation that will survive the difficult moments, and that isn’t possible without being solid within yourself first and foremost.

I would not have had the confidence, or relationship skills to have met and married my wife without my time learning about myself through the use of these apps.

Used OKCupid from ~2008 to 2016. Maybe 10 or so 1-2 month relationships in that time. Plenty of first dates. Then met my wife. Married in '23.

I’ve heard it’s a fucking nightmare now though. OKCupid used to be all about the profiles and questions, but soon after we stopped using it, it turned into a Tinder clone with just photos. Add in a healthy dose of AI, and I’m sure it’s a very unpleasant time.

Used OkCupid about 9 years ago (mid 30s male). I tried it for a few weeks, liked what it was at the time, and did the 3 month cheap trial premium it whatever it was to get some additional data basically.

There were 3 girls I talked to repeatedly, and a bunch of one and done conversations.

Girl 1 seemed fun and had what seemed like good energy. We were supposed to talk on the phone and set up a date, I believe the situation was, but I was hanging out at my bandmate’s house and lost track of time and she started flipping out on text for not calling. It seemed pretty excessive for us never having met or anything yet, so I called it quits on that one.

Girl 2 was quieter and a little bit reserved, but I really enjoyed talking to her. I really wanted to meet her, but she never got over her nerves or whatever it was to call or hang out, and she would go a few days without being online to chat, so I didn’t know if it would lead anywhere.

Girl 3 was very conversational and outgoing. I feel we talked a week or so on the online chat and then we talked on the phone. We were supposed to meet up, but I didn’t hear from her. She had ended up falling asleep after work and was apologetic about it. We ended up hanging out later and hit it off very well.

We’ve been together almost every day since and got married this November.

So it took about a month for me to have success. My story seems to be an outlier. She had many bad experiences before meeting me. I feel bad that I hear they trashed the app though. I really enjoyed the experience and thought the matching process was pretty nice.

I have met several people - and eventually my wife - via apps. I’d describe the process as painful, possibly soul-sucking. I would not consider myself attractive, but am not super ugly either. It took a lot of effort though, and was generally highly depressing. I guess it worked, but I feel like there have to be better ways.

Perspective of Average looking guy in his 30s.

No. Did not find, got one date once.

Used for years on and off.

It was horrible.

One match a month at most that was not a bot.

Biggest problem: lopsided demand for male vs females.

Terrible way to meet people.

Used it in an attempt to find a girlfriend.

Well, on the one hand I was raped on a first date with a guy from tinder. On the other hand, when I returned to the apps 4 years later, I went on one date, which turned out to be with the man I’m going to marry.

So I guess I’ve hit both the 0% and 100% success rate.

On one hand, they were absolutely crap to deal with and awfully predatory. That said, I met my spouse on Hinge so I guess I owe them enough to say it worked. Just don’t pay and don’t get discouraged when it takes time to get there.

The sad truth is, these apps are not great for minorities, so I never had much luck on them. OkCupid’s articles and statistics further proved this. I miss when they used to release their in depth info, before Match bought them out.

I used them about 10yrs ago. Right when Tinder was starting to pick up in popularity I was thankfully able to get off of them.

Found my now-husband on Hinge. I was on the app a while (a year and change) before we matched, but he told me that I was his first match on it. There were a lot of duds and a few first dates that led nowhere, but I didn’t have any interaction with people I felt where dangerous or anything like that. Hinge also didn’t feel like it had anything that felt overtly monetized compared to other dating apps (like bumble). This was back in 2020 so I have no idea what it’s like now.

Female, mid 30s, looking for a man also in his 30s, looking for a long term relationship.

I hated online dating, but I felt like it was a bit of a necessary evil. Some of my friends had said to try it out because I “needed to find someone to stay in the country” (background: I was on a work visa at the time, and we always joked about it even though I made it clear I was 100% going to get citizenship on my own, not via someone else).

I used it for only about 3 months before I found my partner. He had a different experience - I think he said he was on and off for a year on Hinge, but also hated it. I tried different apps like Coffee Meets Bagel (catfished on my first connection, so I deleted it… Luckily, I found out before meeting him because one day, I saw his account was removed and a TOS violation message was in our chat. Also way too many weirdos and people I wasn’t interested in), Bumble (too anxious to make the first move), then free version of Hinge.

I found Hinge suited me best because of said anxiety, and I could change my location. (note: this was also during the covid years, and I lived in a small town where everyone knew each other. I was in Melbourne every weekend anyway, and I made it clear early to each connection where I lived, and they were all okay with it.) I had a lot of matches (I think females seem to get more matches), but because I’m picky and will run from any potential red flags, I only chatted with three people, met two, picked one. He’s still here 4 years later.

I think the biggest problem is that people are judged based on limited photos and prompts. Some of these “weird” or “red flag” people could have been the nicest guys, but just put up photos I didn’t like, had low effort answers (“just ask”, or cliche answers), or worded their answers in ways I interpreted as red flaggy. Much like a resume, I suppose. They could be the best fit, but someone else fit “better” on paper.

I’m not a fan of dating apps but I’m glad I did it because I found someone. If I didn’t, maybe I came away with learning a little more about myself and hating on dating apps more. My partner and I are a great fit, but if it weren’t for the app, we had nothing in common in terms of activities… We would never have crossed paths otherwise.

I really enjoyed reading the responses, so thanks for asking the question!

Have used the apps on and off for a while. When things didn’t go well on them and swiping and chatting only to be ghosted was taking a toll on me, I deleted them and focused on other things in my life for a few months, then returned.

When I still set myself as looking for men on the apps, I’d get a 10:1 ratio of likes from men to women/NB. Men who swiped on me would often be obviously incompatible if they read my profile or have minimum effort profiles. So I turned off looking for men on the apps.

Where I live is pretty accepting of LGBTQ+ people and there’s a good sized queer scene IRL so I can easily find events to meet queer people. However I have severe RBF, generally act unapproachable in-person, look a little scary, am clueless to hints, and don’t drink or party, so for meeting women I use the apps and IRL events specifically for single people.

Not a lot of success so far, but I’ve learned a LOT about what I don’t like in a person. I’ve learned to listen to my instincts. When things felt off and I carried on with the dates I met on the apps, things went badly. As a result, I’m much more in touch with what I want too. I was in a long-term relationship for years before where I compromised too much and settled with someone who I never should have. Dating many people has allowed my own preferences and desires to resurface and has given me a lot of confidence and self-esteem back.

I used tinder on and off over the years and delete it not long after signing back up (moved a few times). I get matches but too many people expect hookups after a first hang out as if its the norm, not looking for that. For some people that might be great but I’m not into that scene. Currently trying bumble and it seems better on that end

I’ve been in a committed relationship for the past few years, so I haven’t got the freshest experience, but:

I’ve always had luck with tinder and similar ones. Current relationship is from there too. But this is for mono relationships.

When I was going through my poly experiments era, tinder really didn’t work out for me. Or any of the others at the time, but tinder’s been the biggest here regionally so I’ll keep using that in place of all the similar apps.

Surprisingly enough, for any poly or just more casual stuff otherwise, the most action and great memories and experiences I got through Jodel. It’s not a dating app, but somehow it just happened to work. I didn’t explicitly send messages to anyone either, it just came to be.

Which is all to say, it’s not the explicitly dating apps alone one should consider. Or, rather, I guess it depends a lot on what one’s looking for, and perhaps speaks to just how much people you can meet and get contact with and get excited about and have nice memories with, without trying explicitly to do that. Just organically connecting with people on a personal level without any masks on.

But I never thought any of the different ways to meet people are necessarily bad or gave me any problems or whatever. People just meet and click, if they dare to put themselves out there. When I was younger, it was through school, work, bars, friends’ friends, parties, gigs, festivals, cafes, libraries… you know, basically anywhere there are people, you might just accidentally find a fun or endearing adventure with someone.

That’s not to say there aren’t any bad experiences too. But it does a lot of good to instead focus on the good ones and try and hang on to them, so you’ll dare to throw yourself out there again and have more of them. I know it’s not as easily done as it is said, but outright dismissing it without seriously trying will definitely not help and even actively sabotage your own confidence and vibe, you know?

A lot of it is just attitude. If you can find a way to remain happy and endearing and brave enough to get personal, close, even if for just little whiles at a time, then I almost guarantee you, you’ll just attract others somehow, somewhere, always. The question I guess is, will you pick up on it or dare to go with it when it comes to you? Because that shit is hard and stressful if you’re not used to it, very easy to just skip or ignore outright without even trying, without exposing yourself to the potential harm and heartbreak (potential love and warm memories too, mind you!), and only repeat practice will ultimately give you the perspective and outlook required to come out better each time.

But I digress. I know not everyone has a good time with these, perhaps a lot of it is regional/cultural too, but almost everyone I know, have mostly had amazing experiences, ultimately, through these apps. Some get to it some other way, mostly the means alternate, but people just tend to find each others naturally, somehow just end up in the right place in the right time. Sometimes that’s the tinder or other dating app. Sometimes it’s something else.

But I haven’t personally heard any horror stories, and all the heartbreak and sad stories have always ultimately been overshadowed by later joy and warmth found in the exact same apps or whatever. Neither have I experienced anything out of ordinary. Some heartbreak, some disappointments, sure, but most importantly, love and caring to outshine those. Nothing that wouldn’t happen if met otherwise.

Ok, ill bite.

Was reluctantly on Hinge a while back (was 31M at the time). My sibilings twisted my arm to make a profile and helped design it (I dont take pictures of myself so it was challanging to make). Overall expirence was negative to neutral, over ~2 years of minimal useage just to the profile active, threw 15$ at the app to see if it changed the algorithm (it does). IIRC ~12 replies, 3 first dates/meet-ups and 0 second dates. Cant say I put a ton of effort It so I wont lose sleep over anything.

The shocking part of the whole thing was compairing results with my sister. She functionally did not need to go to the default feed, dozens if not hundreds of contact requests… We had a joke back when she was in college that if she felt like it, she would never have to pay for a dinner (obviosuly that would be a dick move, and she never took advantage of anyone, but the data was there).

Once it became obvious that the platform was full of bots, dumby accounts, and was noticably trying to prey on desperate people with credit cards, I just moved on. Over all advice, if you find an app thats very new and not owned by match group, go for it, you will likely meet people earnestly trying to make connections. Otherwise, dont bother, go find a date the old fashioned way, outside.

I (20 Year Old Male for context) tried a few except Tinder (I’ve always been told Tinder is just for Hookups).

Did you find a partner using it? Nope. I met my current partner after ditching the apps, while looking for people to play Stardew with of all things.

How long did you use it? About a week for each.

What did you think about it? It struck me as exploitative of people’s loneliness and very reductionist with reducing the process down to something with no human interaction. I’d almost go as far to say it’s dehumanizing.

How many matches did you get? 1.

What problems did you see? There’s the aforementioned exploitation. It kind of makes it harder in my opinion to get to know anyone like you would traditionally.

Do you think it’s a good way to meet other people? I don’t think so. I wouldn’t say it never works, but I don’t think chances are high.

What did you use it for / what was your intention? I was looking for a long term partner and relationship.