As a parent, I’d feel that I had failed on some fundamental level. That our kid reached a point where taking their own life was a more viable option than talking to me? Yeesh.

Knowing someone close in my family whose young son committed suicide (and being a parent myself), I can tell you that it destroys your world. You will replay all of the times you could have prevented it for years to come. You will doubt every interaction you had with them, playing out scenarios that never happened trying to unwind what went wrong. It tortures you. Tears you down. The journey afterward is bitter and you react different toward those who haven’t endured such a loss.

Basically, from what I observed, if fucking sucks more than anything and nobody should have to endure that. It’s not worth it to do that to your loved ones.

Hi! I’m in my 40’s. My dad is ten years passed, and my oldest brother died in a total freak accident. Before I was born. One of the last things my Dad said was “I’ll say hi to your brother for you.” My brother died right before Thanksgiving. We never celebrated Thanksgiving, not for my whole life. My mom still gets weepy at Thanksgiving almost 50 years later. This was an accidental death. I don’t think my parents would have survived a suicide. I had a co-worker at my last job, hadn’t seen him in maybe five years, we never hung out, random texts every now and then, not a part of my life. He just killed himself in November. I have spent the last month asking myself if I could have done something, if I had only known…

Suicide affects people you don’t even know! Hell, I found my co-worker irritating and immature, but I sincerely wish he had called or said something, I would never wish that level of despair on someone.

I would feel terrible guilt that I failed to prepare them to live in the world they were born into. I would accept the blame, fault and responsibility.

The question is horrifying enough to shut off all reason and make me want to disengage entirely with the question, if that answers your question.

Incidentally, it’s the reason that when more of the population were parents, movies never killed kids in the end; it doesn’t just shock, it shocks to a level that breaks immersion and suspension of disbelief— I don’t get scared, I think “oh, this is just a movie with actors and whatnot”. (Now parents are less of a majority, so studios are more willing to push this boundary.)

Are you expecting a spectrum of answers to this question? A couple of “fucking awesome”s among the obvious “awful”s?

I see you around here a lot. I feel a great draw to try to soothe your torment but I never know how. I always wish the best for you

I’ve known a few people who lost their battle, and their families are never the same. It stays with you. On holidays, birthdays, life events. It’s been over ten years for me and it’s still there nearly every day. I know they have thoughts like

• “I wish you were here Travis, you would have been my best man”
• “I wish you could see the view on this hike, Katie. Happy birthday”
• “I wish you could see me graduate, dad. I hope you’d be proud of me”

One of these people inspired her mother to her own thankfully unsuccessful attempt. It ripples out in ways these people didn’t consider

BUT I also have friends, one very close, who survived their attempts, and are grateful they did. Two of them just got married to incredible people. It’s still there for them, but it’s gotten much smaller, and they’re living legitimately very happy lives. They went back to school, graduated, married, and have plans to travel the world

Each of them who lived got help. Big people in coats put them in a place and gave them magic socks. You say it makes it harder to emigrate, but to not mince words, so does being dead. I’m guilty of the same thing - letting a big consequence prevent me from acting on an even bigger consequence. But every day I’m sad about the people who died, I’m so incredibly grateful to the people who asked for help. I would be lost without the one, especially

I wish the best for you on your journey, and I hope to continue seeing you around here

deleted by creator

Absolutely devastated. I’m sorry your mom got angry with you when you asked her. I don’t know her, so I don’t say this to try and excuse her behavior, but a lot of times people react in defensive and inappropriate ways when they hear something that’s truly scary and they don’t want to allow themselves to even think about it. Or it could be she worries about how it reflects on her.

I had a similar relationship with my mom when I was younger, and when I told her stuff like that, she usually also got mad at me and didn’t believe me/thought I was being dramatic. I didn’t realize it at the time, but she was a big part of why I ever felt that way to begin with.

I hope you can remember your own value isn’t implicitly tied to her (or anyone’s) opinion of you, and that your feelings are always valid. Sometimes it can be hard to really sort through and process your feelings and emotions, especially when the person that’s supposed to teach you how to do that, isn’t really setting the best example.

I find it helpful to just take some time (maybe 10 mins) every day or a few times a week, and just write in a notepad all your feelings. Just let them come forward without censoring yourself or worrying about how it sounds. You don’t have to go back and read it, and it doesn’t have to make sense. You can delete it as soon as you’re done and it’s just a way to let it out and label your emotions when you can’t verbally express how you feel.

If you find yourself activated or really upset after writing (or anytime) and you’re willing to give it a try, there are a lot of somatic breathing and stretching videos that can help calm your nervous system down when you’re in an activated state.

https://youtu.be/5XntUJOVZfc

It can feel kinda silly and woo woo at first, but it can be pretty surprisingly helpful.

Edit: Adding another video that’s easier just to quick try it out while you’re sitting in a chair if you don’t want to get too into it at first like the one above. Basically this is just using your fingers to massage your occipital bone, but the goal is to really focus on what you’re doing and the sensations your feeling. I’ve found these kind of grounding exercises (where it’s focused your own internal sensations) work much better for me than the typical name 5 things you can touch/see/whatever: https://youtube.com/shorts/xMa23cFykQM

There’s a ton of stuff out there, and it may take some time to find one that’s right for you, but it can be a really quick and easy way to alleviate overwhelming stress.

I would feel very bad.

I’m outta here the moment my parents die tbh

This may be a harsh thing to say but to me (outside of a very small few situations) suicide is one of the most selfish thing to do.

You bring all of your own internal pain (that has a chance to get better if the right help is found) and to instead impart it on everyone else in a form that is unhealable because what was done can never be taken back.

And this will affect parents probably more than anyone else but it will also affect everyone who was even remotely involved with you. Your memory will always be pain because of how it ended.

I have grieved for “normal” deaths for decades. Grief never goes away, it just goes in the background. I hope I never have to feel the grief of someone close to me committing because I’d be a constant wreck.

Talk to someone close to you, please. And if you feel there’s no one close to you, the distance is relative and skewed inside of you. There will be someone who would do anything to help you, sadly sometimes it might end up being someone you’ve yet to meet.