I promised them my bones to use after my death. The only surprise is that they are not crab

If I die and find myself at the pearly gates soup counter, only to be told, “No soup for you! You come back one year five hundred years!” I’m going to be pissed that the Catholics were right the whole damn time.

I have been there. I have seen him myself. If you too find yourself standing before him, do not fear. Look down. There are so, so, so many hairballs. It is disgusting.