TIL that Jesus was 4ft tall.

The only thing using POV correctly anymore is porn.

Um. If you order by May 25th, they will ship it three weeks into the past? Or do they need to know by May 25th 2025 to get it to you on time by May 4th 2026?

That is accurate. I’ve done extensive research.

Not for jokes, though.

5am.

Laughs in German.

Where’s the Dijon mustard then?!

Hey, I’ll lick people with conventionally unattractive faces if they’re funny.

I have a 3L Prosecco bottle on my shelf for when this cunt eats shit.

That’s so not a trout.

I wouldn’t call them neopronouns, they’re more like archeopronouns.

“OPEN UP, ITS THE DIET AUTHORITY!”

Gravity isn’t bringing us down.

It’s bringing us together.

Not to kill your fun: Wetter means weather.

People still smoke because it looks cool, NERD!

I bet she didn’t even tip.

I think it’s called an immersion blender. Unless you want to turn those beans inside out.

.

S̴̨̢̧̡̢̧̧̢̨̢̨̧̧̛̛̱͓̗̳͉̺̹̪̙͔͎̥̖̲̻̹̱̠̱̦̫̭̩̞̯̙̙̺̟̮͚̲̦̰̮̲̗̥̗̭̫͍̹̖̺̭̝̻͇͖͍͍͍̪̤͍͔̩̞͔̜̜͕̗̭̱̘͎̝̟͓̜̖̦̼̬̤̤̬̦̟͖̙͍̬̘̫̜͚̲͉̣͔͙̠̠̝̪̦̞̭̼͓̜̫̥̯̠̼̳̞̳͂̿̂̾̓̽͒̽̌̇̎̀́̇̓̀̂̒̔̃̌̄͗̇̐̓̌̑͂͗̑̈̎̊̇̍͌̍̆̐̉̅́̆̿̑̇̓̐̽́̂̐̈̇̐̕͘͜͠͠ͅP̴̨̡̧̡̡̢̢̡̘̖̮͓̖̖̦̞̲̰̯͓̞̠̫̹͈̼͙͙̖̮̙̻̘̠̞̭͎̦̲͈̦͔̱̫̞̲̘̰͓̞͇͖͚̻͖̣͉̦̫̤̣̟̜̪̠͙̪͍̗̳̟͉͖͉͖̯͍̜͖̫̙̱͍͎̈̒̐̈́̍̎͐͑̍̒͑̽̾̀̐̃͂̃̾̓͒͂̓̓̓̏̈̾̓̍̒͂͗́̋̑͛̆͗͛͑̎̽͊̽̋̀̎̎͋̊̐̈́̋̓̄̋͛̅͌̍̍̏̾͌͐̅̌̀̋͆̂̀́̂͗̾̐̏͛̒̕̕̕̕̚͜͜͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͠ͅH̶̡̧̧̧͇̜͚̤͖̭̠͇̻̱̼̬̥̜̯̜͙̞̤͉͇͔̫̯̮̗͍̣̯̱͙̻͔̺̣͍̥̜͕͇̫̹̳̜̖̰̩̥̫̦̥̃͋̌͂̔͜͜ͅĘ̸̡̧̧̡̡̨̨̧̛̛͇̥̦̜̖̫̼͙̳̗̯̞̬̗̞̹͕̦̮̯͎̖̺͓̼̰̙͉͉͖͇̜̪̮͙̺͖̙̘̮͈̺͓̝̙͙̖̙̟̳̖̖̤̲͔̮̘̲̻͔͈͙̟̮͇̝̜̱̯̫̻̥̭̮̣̗͕̠̜͔͙̬͕͔̖͓̫͇̲̰͚̞̞̙͖̬͙̱̝̦̪̠̣̐͆̽͋̍̆̊̍̊̔̓̾̀͌̏͑̓̄͊̒͒̑̓̎̑̀͑̍̾̈͊̊̈́̀͋̑̏́́́̈́̆̅̽̈́͋̽̂̈́̈̾̆̐͐̍͐͐͛̃̀͑͌͛̆̈́̊̀̏̆̑͌̓̀͛͘̚̕̕͜͜͜͜͜͜͠͝͠͠͠Ŗ̵̨̨̢̢̡̛̛̛̭̖̝͙̹͚̗̹̜̙͈̜͕͇̻͔̻̥̘̺̜̺͖̳̲͉̰̙͎̯̰͙̯̜̘̹̦͙̻̺̤͓̖̱͖̤̝̩̩͕̱̭̟̝̣̗̜͍̟̘̰̺̳̯͍̠̞̲̪̻̺̦͉͓͕͕̑̈́̿̓́͐̄́̆́͛̅̅̀̿̒̈́̏̅̎̔́͛̑͋̓͌̉͛̋̋̅̆̇̂̿͆̍͑̍͌̾̇̄̓̀̈́̓̓͛̈͒̊̎̎̓̃͂͊̐̍̽͂̇͋͛̂͊̔̇̇̅̎̕̕̚̕͘͘͜͠͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅE̷̢̡̧̛̛̛̟̘̰̣̠̖̟̲͓̣̤̰͚̜̺̲͙̝͖̮̟̼̔͌̓̐̈́͐̔̀̍̀̒̓̃͌́̈́̍͐͐͗̋̓͆̀̏͆̽͆̇̿͂͑̂͋́̌̿̐̌̂̾̀̾̏̄͆̌̿̃̏̍̈́̄̈́̅̓̍̍͛̒̌̂̋̆͗͘̕͜͠͠͝

.

Oh, I just use Colorado, you know?