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Cake day: July 1st, 2023

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  • You remember Steve from IT? The only one who knew how to manage our backend infrastructure? Well, after that unfortunate plane crash, we uploaded the entire contents of his laptop, cellphone, and personal cloud to an artificial AI. We were able to revive him to bring him back. Even better now, because we have him resurrected in simulated form, he now exists in a perpetual state of working at the office and no longer needs to go home to rest or be with his family. That means with the new 24x7 productivity, we are expecting increased profits for this next quarter.









  • Officials said that at the police station, Love admitted to being involved in the attack and said he had become acquainted with the victim beforehand.

    “The defendant added he was possibly drugged and someone inserted an unknown object in his rectum,” the report says. “Although the defendant is not certain the victim is responsible for this, the defendant made a statement indicating he needed to hurt whoever hurt him and was prompted to purchase the knife at a Target store near Miami International Airport.”