@Kichae@tenforward.social @Kichae@wanderingadventure.party

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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: July 18th, 2023

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  • My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.

    This is the reason why. Your ex has managed to control the narrative and has manipulated the social atmosphere to ice you out. Emotional abusers are often very good at this. They mamipulate everyone around them.

    And they are really good at choosing their abuse victims. They know who they can love bomb, who they can isolate, and who will keep their mouth shut.

    I have been there. Watched people I thought were friends just evaporate, choosing their relationship with my ex over me. Realizing they were never my friends, they were “ours”, and ij the end they stuck by her, the more openly social and boistrous one.

    It’s taken a long time, and many different therapists, but I’ve come to accept my experiences as abuse, as not my fault, and… sometimes… that I am worthy of love, friendship, and happiness.

    I have found the books The Body Keeps the Score and Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving (available as audio books), as well as videos on toxic shame and attachment by Heidi Prieb, very helpful.

    I know the words feel hollow, because they feel so far the opposite of true, but you are not alone. Many others have been through what you’ve endured, and have made it out the other side. There are people out there who will, one day, be so very glad to have you in their lives.

    Some day, when you’re ready – and much earlier than I did, I implore you – you should join some activity groups. Take up a recreational sport, join a gaming group, take group acting lessons, join a choir… anything that is a) casual and b) a group activity. Bonus points if it’s something you always enjoyed, buy your ex tried to excise from your life. This will help you rebuild your social network, and let you reconnect with yourself.

    Physical activity and a healthy diet is also important here. It may be the last thing you want to do, but it actively helps fight all of your worst psychic injuries. Not only is it physiologically good for you, it’s psychologicallly good for you. You know that it’s good for you; your brain knows it. Doing healthy things means choosing to care about yourself. You need to actively choose yourself at every step of the way. It trains your mind to see yourself as worthy of care.

    Oh, and ritually burn things that were hers, or that were shared and tied to your relationship. You don’t need them. You don’t need her. You’re going to be better off without her.




  • The choice to be on open-source, community-owned social media rather than corporate owned platforms is, itself, a political choice, and one that, in the absence of other focuses for discussion, will attract politically outspoken people. With no other core community here to focus discussion, everything will fall back to the things most people here have in common: FOSS, anti-corporate sentiments, etc., all of which are themselves inherently political topics.











  • Simplify user sign up. No one cares about servers, and I think this is one of the biggest thorns in the side of the fediverse in general.

    I cannot stress this enough. This complaint has to die. It’s OK for the fediverse to not be ready for everybody yet. But the idea that we need to hide the fundamental building blocks of it, rather than retrain people for a different technology, has to end.

    Servers matter. Servers are the core elements of all of this. The fediverse is a local-first, small social media space, dressed up as a big centralized one. We have to accept it for what it is.

    Users need to decide which server they’ll use, in the exact same way they do when using centralized social media. Only now, they’ll be able to talk to people using other services. Whether you use Facebook or Reddit or Twitter matters. You have to choose which server to use between them. THey have different rules, and different cultures between them. This is true here, too.

    Masking the server problem behind auto-assignments isn’t going to work, because the developer doesn’t own those servers. They have no formal relationship to those servers. They cannot vouch for those servers. If the closest fedi server to you is startrek.website and you hate nerd shit, you should not be auto-assigned to it.

    If you want to simplify the Friendica signup for your friends and family, launch a Friendica-based website. Give them the URL. Now they don’t need to make any decisions. Just like they don’t for your Discord, or whatever else you may use that’s smaller and personal.

    A working mobile app. There is only one app I know of that is not even in beta, and I couldn’t get it work at all. Most people will not use a site if it doesn’t have an app.

    Get coding.

    Clean up of basic functionalities. Default to the most intuitive and user friendly options (no delete box enabled on posts/comments that aren’t yours, infinite feed on by default, prominent option dropdown to turn on darkmode or different styles, etc). I should not be taken to someone’s page when I click the “follow” button. Following should also be a two way street, and require consent. You cannot see someone’s content on facebook unless they approve your friend request. This is how it should be on friendica. Improve groups. I see they exist, but for the life of me I cannot figure out how to browse or search for them. Stop notifying me after I make a post. I know I made the post, I don’t need to be notified. Develop more appealing UI/UX overall that is easy for a layman to understand and use. Allow editing to show updates without needing to refresh the page. Etc, etc, etc.

    Most of these are admin settings. Launch your own Friendica-based website and have at it.

    Add expected functionalities. Tagging users, live videos, gifs, reaction emojis, marketplace, public events, unshare, reshare with commentary, recommend friends from contacts, etc.

    Tagging works. Gifs work. Marketplace isn’t going to happen, because it’s a whole different product. A bunch of these need someone to support them.

    So, start coding.

    Friendica is not a social networking site. Lemmy is not a social networking site. Mastodon is not a social networking site. These are web servers that let you run your own social networking sites. Social networking sites that can connect with other small, independent social networking sites, creating an open social web.

    But you should not be getting people to sign up to “Friendica”. That’s not a place on the internet.

    It’s a technology that drives places.