The earliest time I remember her talking about it, I think I was like 8 or 9 years old…
She kept talking about that when she had my older brother, and later me, and she told me being pregnant was hurting her back. And when she had me, whe told me about being worried about the authorities finding out about the 2nd pregnancy and lived those like 9 months in fear.
And she told me about about the C-Section that she had twice for both of me and my older brother, and that she said it hurts a lot.
And like, then she literally lift up her shirt and showed me where she was cut open and like… idk showing scars feel so weird… but I guess she treated it like a battle scar or something… idk…
I remember feeling so bad about it and I felt like I loved her more as a mother.
Then she kept like repeating it every so often and I’m just thinking like: hmm… is this some weird emotional manipulation thing? and it just gets very weird every time she talks about it, and it always ends with something like “I suffered so much for you, you need to ‘behave’ and listen to me” and “if I didn’t have you, I’d be much healthier”
Like I lost count how many times she’ve retold the story, like 20 times at least. I remember being told of it at least once a year. Like I’d talk about my birthday and talk and she’s like: “Oh yea that’s the day I went through so much pain to have you” and “you should take me to have tea/dimsum” (okay this part, it was sometimes said as a “joke”, I was a dependent, of course I couldn’t buy her anything lol)
So I felt so guilty every time I talk about birthday celebrations… cuz like I feel like I owe her or something.
This sounds very much like manipulative behavior through “Woe is me, look at how much I suffered for you”.
It’s not your fault she got pregnant with you. You don’t owe her pity because of it.
I’m sure HER Mum went through the same thing with her.
Lol
btw my maternal grandmother lives with us…
so yeah I assume my mom is kinda expecting to live with either me or my older brother.
cuz they don’t wanna be alone
lol
From what I read online, apprarantly childbirth is painful from the accounts of a lot of women… so… I think my mom feels like “I owe her” for the pain… idk lol
While true in many cases, it’s not universal. My GF and I have four kids together, and while she cam atteat that pregnancy takes a toll on a body, it’s not something that should define the mother-child relationship.
You have to think that for most of human history, the women who were educated and well off enough to write about the pain of child birth were upper class white women who had never really undergone physical hardship.
From my wife’s account, being pregnant is great, birth is fine except for the last 2-3 contractions, which are pretty rough. Then again she runs marathons for fun and it’s an OB gyn nurse, so she understands that having a baby is like any other extreme physical activity
This is the first moving name tag that I’ve ever seen. Sorry for changing the subject.
You already know nothing she does is normal. No need to question it.
No, it’s not normal. We will reminisce about events during the pregnancy and birth as a way to suggest that our child’s personality was present well before birth.
Maybe go to the thrift store and get an old donated metal from track and field or something and etch something witty on it and maybe that’ll make your point for you.
I have noticed a common theme of guilt tripping parents in friends with an asian (mostly indian and malaysian chinese) background. It’s common in those cultures for parents to expect their children to take care of them in their old age more than in western cultures. I think the increasing individualism in society scares the parents and makes them feel the need for manipulative behavior to get their children to not abandon them. This is made worse by the fact that in those cultures it’s generally not done to openly speak about emotions that might make you seem weak, so instead of just talking to their kids they get more manipulative.
My mom cuddles with me so much as a kid, and physical affection was supposedly not “common” amongst asians (? or so I heard, it’s not like I went around asking classmates), so like… idk… this flip-flip from affectionate loving mother to “I sacrificed so much for you, we [as in parents, my materal grandparents] all love you so much do you know that? 🤗” then sometimes the verbal abuse randomly happens and it really just messes with my brain so fucking much.
