Asking because not only did I suspect my (now former) boss to be like that, there was also a massive meltdown in a specific content creation space where an otherwise extremely kind CC was exposed as… being a bit special. So I thought I should try to get better at spotting ppl like that in order to not burn myself
Edit: Thanks everyone. I guess I didn’t word it correctly but my goal wasn’t to “diagnose” someone. I’m Autistic & am working in a field that allegedly attracts lots of hyper-competitive/toxic ppl, so I want to protect myself. That’s why. I already saw tons of useful comments so
Some narcissistic traits are not limited to narcissists, but if tou avoid these two common ones it will cover the vast majority of people that fall into the category of what you are trying to avoid.
Are they unable to accept criticism or see things from other people’s viewpoints and overreact to those types of things?
Are they fine with harming other people if it benefits them personally?
If someone exhibits either of these then they will be extremely difficult to work with or get along with, and impossible to deal with if they exhibit both.
My ex called me a narcissist (deflection), to which friends and my therapist tried to beat out of me, and as the relationship progressed both of your points become painfully obvious. Everything became about them, and if there wasn’t an immediate benefit for them, they didn’t give a fuck. They’d gladly let me pay to see them (ldr), let me move closer to them and burden me financially (I’m disabled), pay for meals, gifts, etc whenever we were together. Then they’d push away ideas I had to try new things in the relationship, but every idea he had was seemingly great, and everyone they slept with (open relationship) was reportedly wonderful and kinky - um, hello, right in front of you. It was like if I wasn’t aggressively dominating the fuck out of the entire relationship all the time, he’d take over and be a backseat driver who only gave a fuck about himself and degrade me for it (not in the fun way). No fucks given about what makes me happy, what I’m worried about, what I want in life and with him, or that it’s screaming him in the face that I shower him with affection while I screw myself financially to make him happy. It became that nothing was good enough, that giving everything wasn’t a high enough bar. Then I made the mistake of putting my foot down, for the first meaningful time in the relationship, and said no over something quite trivial in the grand scheme of things, but that bothered me deeply (piercing/body mod plans), and he went off the rails and used that as a springboard to blame me for literally anything and everything, even shit he made up on the spot and for months later, and dump me like a useless sack of shit. We were engaged and had been together for 6 years. The cracks started to form after year 2, but I wouldn’t notice until year 4. Fun.
So yeah, I’d even simplify your points further, and just say ‘does everything revolve around them?’ and if so, fucking run. It will hurt less in the long run. :(
Obligatory “not a *psychiatrist”, but based on my own past experiences with troubled folks that taught me a lot about myself and what I’m not willing to tolerate any longer:
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Tendency to reroute conversations to be only about them. The expectation is that you will be the emotional dumping ground for them, but they don’t have a vested interest listening to anything you say that isn’t of benefit to them.
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Along the same vein, they typically aren’t safe to vent to about anyone or anything. They might be comfortable speaking ill of people/things to you if they have perceived you as passive enough, but if you do the same they will pocket that info for a later date and use it against you if they feel slighted or threatened.
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Love bombing as a social weapon/form of manipulation. They will act super nice and want to get to know you fast in an effort to disarm you and earn their trust. Do not allow yourself to fall into a “fast friends” situation!
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They will do anything to avoid accountability for awful behavior, including trying to blame you for things they chose to do on their own selfish volition. Additionally, if they have the means to do so, they will play the reverse victim card real fast to gain sympathy from others and make you seem like the problem if you catch them red-handed.
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They are insecure and can’t handle their energy being matched and tend to be stuck in “teenager” behavior as adults. In my case, they were abrasive and accustomed to back-handed compliments toward anyone they were “friends” with. That said, if it got dished back they would become downright livid and mean.
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Casual tendency to regurgitate others truths as their own as an act of self-aggrandization (I called it secondhand lying). For example, you might say to them “I went to ‘ABC’ restaurant and they had amazing cocktails” and then a few days later you’ll catch them saying the same sentence to someone else despite knowing they didn’t go to that restaurant. That was a weird one.
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My number 1 red flag is they have relationships that don’t last. I remember I had a girlfriend in college who didn’t have any girl friends, just guy friends and even they weren’t around long. I found out it was because she was an attention seeking narcissistic cuckoo.
Also, my Uncle is a chronic liar. He is VERY entertaining, but a liar none-the-less. He will move from group to group until somone finds out he’s full of shit. From a social club, to adult sports, a biker gang, camping club, and the list goes on and on.
My number 2 red flag is that they can’t be corrected or are never wrong. They are willing to argue ludicrous points just to feel right and relevant. They also pick the dumbest things to argue over when all they have to do is answer something like, “That’s crazy.” Normal people eventually admit fault and learn. Narcissists will never learn.
they can’t be corrected or are never wrong
This is #1 for me. Its easy to spot, and they won’t be able to hide it because it would drive them nuts to admit fault.
I’ve watched a few youtube videos on this specific subject, just search narcissist there. Please also be aware of the Dunning Kruger effect (where Psych 101 students think they’re psychiatrists), remember human behavior is too complicated to draw serious conclusions from superficial observations, so please don’t think you know more than you know and don’t treat people like memes.
You’re talking about that VTuber ain’t ya?
Yup I was referring to Sinder
I only really watch clips so I wasn’t that personally invested in the drama itself (other than finding it intriguing). But it did hit a bit too close to home since my boss was almost exactly like that so…
you should watch this video about how narcissist hunting is the newest form of conspiracy theory/witch hunt against disabled people
Don’t know about diagnosing but a safe red flag for a relationship that is not good for you and has factors that often occur with narcissists is when you think about their feelings way more than you objectively should while neglecting your own. Especially if you are not in love or something like with your boss.
No, there is not a way for a layman to spot mental health issues and reliably diagnose them. This is true across the board regardless of circumstances because mental health issues constantly overlap and require a lot of work to properly diagnose at a professional level.
