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i wanna know what joke it was
Anything suicide related.
you know, i haven’t heard a good suicide joke in a long, long time. what’s a good suicide joke that the kids are telling each other these days?
what’s a freudian slip? it’s when you mean you say “the other” but end up hanging yourself instead.
I’m in the middle of a psychotic break (since November 2024, and yes, the collapse of the US is a factor) and off and on suicide watch.
Here’s an exchange I’ve actually had (more or less, paraphrased) more than twice these last three months:
🥼📋👓🩺: In the past week, have you been having thoughts about killing yourself? (Another version is “How recently have you thoght about ending your life: a) less than a year, b) less than a month, c) less than a day, d) today.”)
🐰🎩🫖☕: Oh sure. Every day. Hourly.
🥼📋👓🩺: What!?
🐰🎩🫖☕:Yeah. For me this is Tuesday. The brain is always considering heading to check-out. I have a numerical scale of one-to-ten for suicidality the way we do pain assessments.
🥼📋👓🩺: I…see?
🐰🎩🫖☕: It’s fine! Ambient unlife stuff is at a S-3, like “shit I need to get to bed so my boss can scream at me early tomorrow. If that bus careened through this crosswalk, that problem would be so resolved.”
🥼📋👓🩺: …This is normal for you?
🐰🎩🫖☕: Routine. At S-5, I may look around for wandering death opportunities. I don’t talk to anyone about it until about S-6 and start having fantasies of getting proactive, at which point I might tell my therapist if she isn’t squeamish. (A lot of therapists are hair-trigger and will start threatening involuntary committal with any noise of suicidal ideation)
🥼📋👓🩺: Maybe you should…
🐰🎩🫖☕: It’s gotta be an S-8 or S-9 before I’m going to inconvenience a hot-line operator or crisis counslor. By then I’m looking at chemistry sets on Amazon. A fun game is trying to cross a hundred busy intersections in two hours. I’ve won so far.
🥼📋👓🩺: You can’t just…
🐰🎩🫖☕: You can’t just charge death head on. A million years of evolution will drop you before you commit. You gotta sneak up on Death. Icarus, not Heracles.
🥼📋👓🩺: < 🎩 gibbering noises >
+1 for all of us who got the “how often” question and knew they couldn’t answer honestly.
edit - it’s “wondering”, not “wandering”. this is just my attempt to get you to kill me instead :P
Me: “ugh. Here comes Tom. He’s always talking about scarecrows.”
Tom: “Hey man.”
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Lecture them back. Teach them about irony and satire. If that doesn’t work, just start screaming and shitting. I have to do this twice a month at least. The laundry bill is killer.
I get to enjoy that the reverse happened, when he made mocking jokes about Islamic jihad and the promise of 72 virgins, and I got to school him about the Houri and the more general (and often pacifistic) notions of jihad as a personal quest.
(I’m not Muslim, but researched them during the war on terror in order to separate functional culture from violent movements. It’s complex and valid criticisms intermingle with harmful stereotypes, like Christianity and vampirism)
How TF old are you people anyway?
Are you all literally as old as the kid in the pic? Who can relate to this??
