• 23 Posts
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Joined 3 years ago
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Cake day: July 7th, 2023

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  • Ah that sucks! I got halfway up and my beam started sputtering, letting me go a little, and struggling to pull me up again. An angel flew down to warn me there could only be one person per beam due to weight constraints and realized it was just me.

    They slowly lowered me back down, stuttering the whole way. Dropped me the last 5ft, than I heard a booming voice from the sky say “No fatties”.




  • MeatPilot@lemmy.worldtoaww@lemmy.worldThe friendliest animal on Earth
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    4 months ago

    Now all I picture is the capybara and quokka having an exchange after a train hits a school bus full of children.

    "I don’t know if I can do this job anymore Capy. I have constant nightmares and Mrs. Quokka doesn’t understand why I’m not able to get it up in bed anymore. You know how difficult it is to get a hard-on with those images in your mind man?

    That little girl was just screaming with the skin ripped off her fucking face. The rest of them were so mangled we couldn’t even figure out what limb belonged to who. Sometimes I just feel like the fucking grim reaper, you know? Sending souls off into the afterlife."

    Quokka takes a long drag…