Great question. The main point that’s shaped my view on it, is that no person owes me their time, and I can’t own them.
My partner and I have been together for 7 years, and started off as non-mono (CNM Poly). We’ve always respected each other’s autonomy and independence. During that time, we developed a stable, loving relationship, and encouraged each other to meet other people. I understand that she owes me nothing, and I can’t control her time or who she spends her time with. This was established at the beginning, so expectations were managed properly from the start.
That being said, we both choose to stay together. We’ve been through hell in the last 7 years, and I wouldn’t do it with anyone else. I’m comfortable knowing she’ll continue to be with me, despite her other relationships. Even if she decides this waa no longer a relationship she wanted to be in, it would suck and I would be heartbroken, but I would survive, and eventually be okay.
Another core belief is that we can’t possibly expect one person to meet all of our needs. This is a completely unreasonable expectation. It’s suffocating, and puts way too much pressure on your partner. We both have other people in our lives that help to round out our relationships.
The biggest thing for me is that ever single person involved intentionally chooses to be in the relationship they’re in. They’re not in the relationship due to a default, or expectation from a mono normative society. They’re making the intentional choice to do what makes them happy.
I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have about the topic. This is something near and dear to me, and respectful curiosity from others always sparks joy in me.
Or… Migrate to another email service provider?