What Fergie should have done before the show:

Dehydrate! Dehydrate! Dehydrate!

First time I went to a marathon to cheer on a friend, within about 5 minutes I saw an old dude with a shit stream running down each leg.

It’s more common than one assumes.

YO. I knew a guy in the university improv group (which was actually good) that won a Freshmen talent competition by pissing himself on stage. In like 1999. I tried to do it myself once - harder than it looks unless you’re literally about to explode.

Fergie is 100% ripping off that dude.

This frog fucks.

To be fair to fresh and frozen vegetables, besides sodium, canned veggies don’t have nearly as many nutrients that survive as fresh or frozen. Many vitamins are fairly delicate and heat, which is part of the canning process, can degrade them.

For the elections I mentioned, it was at least a few days out. Within 24 hours, every one of them was accurate, not just in terms of the binary win/lose aspect, but also if it would be a close race or not, as the spread often includes wins based on electoral college vote totals. Functionally, all it can really do for you is not make you feel like you need to stay up late biting your nails, and give you an idea of what’s really going to happen. Maybe enough time to call people on election day and make sure they voted.

This isn’t just me speculating, it’s well-studied. https://theconversation.com/joe-biden-how-betting-markets-foresaw-the-result-of-the-2020-us-election-150095

Le TITS! NOW!

As much as y’all don’t want this to be accurate, sadly, it kind of is. Non-US betting markets in 2016, 2020, and 2024 all correctly called the US presidential election better than Five Thirty Eight or polls or any other formerly reliable method.

Edit: Sadly, you all downvoted this out of personal feels and anger, not accuracy of the statement, which has research to back it up. SMH.

https://theconversation.com/joe-biden-how-betting-markets-foresaw-the-result-of-the-2020-us-election-150095

There’s this, and the “Fortress America” thing, where military bases are supposed to be off the national grid.

Which is 100% a way to speed up nuclear SME roll out. The military already gets different policies for nuclear material, and has been piloting containerized SMEs for a while. What they’re doing is setting up Elon and friends to be the deciding factor and/or the companies selling this to themselves. Bill Gates has a company working on SMEs as well, and it seems like they either want him to do the work and then Elon and Gingrich, who I wasn’t aware could still string 2 sentences together coherently. are in the middle.

This is seriously African Dictator playbook, Chapter 1. Trevor Noah called this back in 2016.

Generally, people weren’t dicks or trolls online quite as much at the time. The internet wasn’t for everyone in 2001. Most people got their news from TV. I had a family member call me to turn on the TV.

The lack of decency part was how quickly the anti-Arab sentiment came out of the woodwork. With a lot of people still sort of attuned to it from the first Iraq war, it was easy for a lot of people to fall back into that. Tons of racist cartoons and photoshoped images sent around, mostly by email. Lots of email forwards. To be fair, people were extremely pissed, and since it was not a nation-state doing this, it was hard to have someone to blame in the traditional sense.

But, in general, people were more shocked and terrified. Especially as the anthrax stuff happened a few weeks later, rampant speculation and conspiracy theories ramped up. All of that “jet fuel can’t melt steel beams” started within days. A lot of “woah, I can’t believe it” stuff. It took a few days before things got back to normal.

My spouse was obsessed with Space Cowboy for a while, which is an amazing song. But at some point, I was genuinely worried I was about to get divorced since she’s listening to this saddest song ever about a breakup. Nope, just a super-captivating song, which I realized when I was also listening to it for the 5th time in a day.

Speaking of which…

Did Benny Hill break up with you last year? Don’t go back to him. Half those episodes have some floozy with her boobs out. He’s gonna cheat on you again!

Would we call this “It-hauer”?

“Oh hey, I just got my new braces done there!”

New ad on the other side of the wall: “Injured? Call Jacoby & Meyers, Personal Injury Attorneys!”

“Wait…why would this ad be-* OW, OW, OW!*”

Somewhere there’s got to be an advertising exec that’s trying to figure out how tall the average guy sticking his dick in a glory hole is, so they can slap an ad right at eye level. Then another ad right above the hole at eye level of the other person.

Add up high for McDonalds

Right above the hole for 5 gum

Laughtrack

Oh, yeah, I remember this episode.

Laughtrack

Super easy solution: Human eats top half of horse. Horse eats bottom half of human. Mount human torso on horse bottoms. Glue together. Centaur with full belly activated. Go about with your centaur business with no more hunger.

Justices relied on the only possible way that the 14th Amendment makes sense. JFC, It’s a wonder they didn’t trip and fall over their own dicks coming to this bold decision that “oh no shit, the thing we all know what it means still means that.”

Amen

In Greek, the word for summer is kalokairi. It literally means “good weather.”

Snow can suck a fuck. Totally overrated. Why go somewhere that you need to add layers of polyester just to survive? 1 layer of linen and I’m set.

Edit: Every downvote from you churns a server in a data center that makes the earth heat up. Bring it on. Let the leopards eat your faces!