Very fortunately, I now work from home in a job with basically zero interaction with anyone at all (it’s great) so this mostly applies to casual social interactions at say, a grocery store. I have to say though, using your suggestion in this context is actually hilarious and would be super gratifying.
I don’t think it is univerally okay to make assumptions about someone’s personal identity before you know it. I am happy calling someone sir or ma’am after I know their gender identity. But in a casual interaction between strangers, there is no need for it at all and it is just an ingrained and outdated social convention that I personally am striving to move past.
I’ve been trying to degender my language. I grew up saying “thank you (or excuse me, yes/no, etc) sir/ma’am” and then being in customer facing positions for years just absolutely cemented that in my mind to the point where it is an absolute knee jerk reaction to make assumptions about the gender of others. It’s an awful habit and makes me cringe every time I do it. I try to either just avoid the gender identifier (“thank you.”) which to my mind sounds impolite, or use gender neutral terms like “friend” which REALLY sound impolite. It’s tough but I’m working on it! The real trouble is getting my brain to stop gendering others and as a quite elderly millenial who actually identifies as Agender it is an annoying and difficult task. I’m envious of younger folks who won’t grow up with these kinds of ideas as a default.
I collect special interests, usually related generally to weird history and hobbies. Currently my obsessions are M/M historical romance novels (I’ve read/listened to ~60 this year so far), knitting lace shawls, and succulents, but only two specific genuses (Haworthia and Crassula). These things take up all my non-work waking hours and most of my waking thoughts.
It’s not so much about offending someone (and yes, people absolutely do sometimes get aggressively upset about it) and more about attempting to change my own mental habits. I believe like race, sexual orientation, and politics, gender is a personal topic that doesn’t really need to enter into a casual, never to be repeated interaction between two people. You don’t say “excuse me, old person,” based on your perceptions of another’s appearance. Why is gender any different? It certainly isn’t an objective concept or one that can be readily or factually assumed. It’s outmoded and unnecessary.
Also, as I commented earlier, if I am using what I mean to be a term of respect to make someone else feel confident and comfortable, and through my language I risk doing the opposite, why would I want to do that if it’s something I can personally change?