I was just sitting at the mall taking a break from mall walking. A man walked over to me when I wasn’t even looking up. He said "I haven’t seen you here before. " I said I wasn’t really here to talk to people and got up and walked away. He said he would leave, he may even have said sorry. I said I was ready to leave anyway. In retrospect I think he may have just been slightly mentally challenged so I wish I had been a little softer, he did not turn out to be aggressive. Looking for suggestions on something still clear and firm but more polite? This scared me for some reason, I think how fast he walked up and sat down near me.

Editing to add a key detail, he sat down close to me which is probably what made me more nervous than I would have otherwise been. I appreciate all the thoughtful feedback I’ve gotten and interesting discussion.

  • velma@sh.itjust.works
    51·
    8 hours ago

    You did nothing wrong.

    Fuck Politeness

    The message was clear: women were meant to be frightened, not empowered by these stories. The power of “fuck politeness” lies in how it “locates women’s daily fears and vulnerability to violence in the context of a feminist politics about deference and men’s status and power.”

    Women are socialized from a young age to prioritize others’ comfort, even at the expense of their safety. This “deference behavior” is what feminist scholars identify as one way “women acknowledge and reinforce the higher social status of men.” However, through the MFM community, women find permission to reject these dangerous social expectations.

    “Before I became a part of this community and was given permission to ‘fuck politeness,’ I would have uncomfortably chatted with this guy for fear of seeming rude. From a very young age, it’s ingrained in us to be polite and never offend anyone,” wrote one listener in Reddit.

    • feelings67@lemmy.worldOP
      4·
      8 hours ago

      Very good excerpt! I’ll say I want to be gentle with men in these situations for my own safety as well… don’t want to be antagonistic…I agree with you though!

      • Salamanderwizard@lemmy.world
        3·
        8 hours ago

        As a dude I feel if I wanted to just be nice to you when I sat down if next to you, I’d have said 'hey how are you?" Waited for your reply and been like “that’s nice.” And just got lost in my phone.

        Mentally challenged or not “I haven’t seen you before…” just doesn’t sound casual to me as a dude. It sounds like a slick “Hey baby, you look good.” But with make up on it.

        Agreed do what makes you feel safe, but that is kind of you to even consider he might not be all Mentally correct.

      • velma@sh.itjust.works
        21·
        8 hours ago

        Oh absolutely! Gotta do what makes you feel most safe in a situation and fawning (being nice until you can get away) is a valid way to deal with them. But don’t worry about hurting their feelings either way.