First of all, please be nice and respectful. I’m also staunchly pro-choice; this is more about me being an overthinker and chronic worrier than anything else.
The father will be 70 by the time the baby is born. It’s a transactional relationship, for which you can shame me if you want, but we’ve been having a great time together. I’m financially independent and work as a foreign English teacher in China. The pregnancy obviously wasn’t planned.
The main reason I’m considering an abortion is that my child would be virtually guaranteed to lose their dad at a relatively young age, and that doesn’t feel right to me. I’ve always said that if I were ever going to have kids, I’d want them to have the best life possible. This doesn’t seem like that.
The dad has said he’ll support me and our child financially if I choose to keep the baby, so I don’t have to worry about that. I also have my family’s full, unconditional support.
It sounds like you prefer the freedom of no kids. Without him around it would be all on you as the parent, seems finances aren’t the issue. If that’s the case you should get the abortion. If you do think you want to have a child and raise it mostly a single parent then keep it.
Yeah, I’d have to completely change my life. I’d have to leave China and move back to my home country, which would mean giving up a great-paying job (45,000 yuan a month at an international school, plus benefits), my independence, and the life I’ve built here. It’s a lot to consider.
The age of the father puts you at risk. You’re more likely to get preeclampsia or have a premature baby.
I think your reasons are much more complex than “the father’s age” and you’re doing yourself a bit of injustice to reduce it to that. My biological father was a narcissistic dirtbag, so from that platform of experience I can attest that knowing one’s biological parent is no particular guarantee of best life.
No shaming, fair question.
From a societal ethics standpoint I don’t see a reason why any decision in this would be reprehensible. Both seem like valid lines of thinking to me.
If your social support is stable enough even without your partner, I think that’s doable and might be fine.
Now I’m also considering whether you are able to take care of an aging partner as well as a younger child or teenager which might be another thing worth considering.
I think I personally would lean towards keeping the child but mind you I’m a 30 yo guy with no partner, so I have a very different perspective on this.
Anyway I hope whatever decision you make, you will make it work.
