emotional intelligence is another of those buzzworks that were popularized by management speak. It literally was a Harvard Business review thing, they took form some psychologist books because they wanted a metric to evaluate managers for the ability to motivate employees. and this was the ‘new’ metric they came up.
and now like everyone says it all the time like they are an expert on what it is, but they could not define if they are asked. it’s yet another bullshit term people use to abuse one another and glorify themselves.
it’s so dumb and mostly used by folks who want to blame others for their own lack of emotional intelligence, a sophisticated ‘no but u’.
You seem really intent on making sure people understand that you lack emotional intelligence
come on insult me harder.
you’re clearly very emotionally intelligence and realize this is my kink.
spell it out for me, in vivid detail, how emotionally stupid i am. i want to see your intent baby.
You’re not really emotionally idiotic or stupid. You just don’t give a fuck about other people’s lives except for your own point of view. You’re just selfish. You can be less selfish if you gain emotionally intelligence.
emotional intelligence
noun
: the ability to recognize, understand, and deal skillfully with one’s own emotions and the emotions of others (as by regulating one’s emotions or by showing empathy and good judgment in social interactions)
Usually when she won’t say it outright and hopes you.figure it out, she’s afraid to address the issue. Can’t blame someone for not wanting to fix a girl’s anxiety, but society makes a fucking lot of them, so I think it’s worth it to get good at fostering a relationship where she’s comfortable bringing anything up.
so no matter what it is, it’s still your fault for not making her comfortable, got it.
reminds of the time my ex broke up with me because I said I wasn’t going to pay off her 150K in debt, and she said that meant I didn’t lover and it upset her very much. Clearly my lack of emotional intelligence there, though it was a financially intelligence move.
That comment clearly says it’s worth it to make your partner comfortable in a relationship, not assigning blame.
I had an opportunity to socialize with some young people recently and the one thing that struck me the most was how far ahead the girls were in social skill and maturity.
I don’t think this has anything to do with sex difference or nature. I think that girls are simply expected to pay attention to other people and boys aren’t.
I don’t exempt myself, I was a solipsistic goblin at that age.
Maybe. I’ve always heard that women mature more quickly than men. Certainly women hit puberty earlier. Its very hard to sus out the differences from nature and nurture.
yeah i have no idea what they are saying. my nephews are all plenty mature for their age. it could be that the parents of those kids just suck.
and not all of their friends, male, or female, are on the same level. mostly as a product of how overbearing/controlling their parents were.
The 2 often feed off each other too. E.g. men are slightly stronger than women, on average. Men are then expected to take on the strong protector role, while women are expected to act weak and subservient. This amplifies the original slight difference massively, reinforcing the social stereotype.
Women seem to have a preference for cooperation, with their ranking within the group mattering most. Men seem to err towards intergroup competition, where your teams ranking matters most. These necessitate different types of social skills, which feeds the stereotype, which feeds the original difference.
Men being slightly stronger on average than women has a LOT to do with culture.
When I was a kid, girls weren’t even allowed to do the same calisthenics in school. There was severe social opprobrium for women doing strength training, learning martial arts, etc.
This is one of the things about the patriarchy, the things it enforces are seen as natural. Women are put in clothes that limit their mobility, beauty standards demand frailness, etc.
Imagine believing this in 2026. There’s a reason most sports are separated by gender and it certainly isn’t “culture”.
The fact that there are things called “sports” and “genders” is cultural my peer.
No, those are words for things that occur in nature, across many animal species.
🤦🏻
It’s also an unfortunate fact that testosterone makes it a LOT easier to put on muscle mass. A good chunk of men don’t take advantage of it, but the biology still holds. It’s also worth noting that men are on average taller than women. Our volume of muscle is often bigger to start with.
My wife does quite a bit more strength based exercise than I do. The force multiplier on my exercise however means I can easily out power her, when it comes to brute strength.
It’s worth noting however that a lot of the initial strength gain of exercise isn’t muscle increase, but better control. Both men and women can increase this, fairly evenly. The difference tells most once that caps out.
The high end of height, upper body strength and mass, sprinting speed, etc definitely favors higher-test systems. .
But I remember reading an ethnography of a Chinese village in the early days of the PRC, when they were still basically living the Imperial-peasant lifestyle.
Women there at the time of writing were not generally esteemed as beautiful slender luxury possessions, but instead for virtues such as their ability to carry heavy loads on a yoke, and the male/female strength split was not nearly that big.
We don’t need to live in a society where we assume that “generic man” is assumed to have an essential advantage in physical combat over “generic woman”. That’s a choice.
As a counter example, I remember listening to a radio interview with a woman who accidentally joined a boxing gym, and decided to roll with it. Even after 3 years training, it apparently took new men about 6 weeks to blast past her in strength.
And jumping back to my earlier comment. Societies tend to amplify differences. Men are stronger, so are expected to do jobs requiring strength. This, in turn leads to stronger men, reinforcing the stereotype.
In short, there’s not much baseline difference between men and women. There are however differences. Societies and cultures often amplify them, particularly when it improves division of labour. In an agrarian society they might not be able to afford the split, so the situation you read about plays out. Men can’t afford to powerhouse, while women need to pick up significant physical labour.
I trained shotokan for a bit having come from a gridiron/rugby background, and there were some exercises (like ring-out shoving exercises) where I was a laughable mismatch with anybody else in the room. One of the trainers was a woman that I had 35cm and 50kg on, if she tried to square up, it would have been hopeless.
But strength isn’t all of it. There was another three-step positional sparring exercise, and that one trainer tied me into knots every time. I wouldn’t have been able to touch her in a real fight, and she would have popped my kidney like a balloon every time.
I’m mostly pissed off about stuff like amateur rugby and field hockey not letting trans women compete. In sports like that, at the pro level, the top team would be all men no question.
But for a bunch of random people in their 20s playing amateur rugby? Piff, the safety/dominance issue is really overblown.
Grew up in a world where girls were only expected to be more mature than boys.
Nah. Girls tend* (and this is doing the heavyweight championship of this sentence) to be naturally more empathetic from my PoV, which coupled with actually faster develepoment and higher expectation of maturity produces the “mature and empathetic” image of girls. Also noticed back then that girls were more social oriented than guys. Guys got together to do a thing, meanwhile girls were fine just sitting around and talking.
* Half or more girls I met growing up still escaped this in varying degree, but baseline tendency was still higher than in boys where this was exceptional.
Although, all in all, it’s all based on personal experience so I may be way off the mark.
Then do tend to pick the doll.
Wow, everybody in the comments of this post sucks.
That’s what I’m here for
A good therapist can feel like they’re reading your mind.
Emotional intelligence isn’t the only skill involved in that, still a big part of it.
they aren’t though, they are just asking you leading questions and giving you a ton of runway
and they have a shitload of experience dealing with people who are just like you, so your story to them is probably not unique or weird, but rather cliche and boring.
That’s not how I teach therapists to work.
We don’t use leading questions, we do really and genuinely want to understand and I’ve never worked with someone who wasn’t totally unique even if their story was superficially similar to another
cool, you realize there are a lot of therapists that have completely different methods right?
and many of them suck at their job, regardless of method.
also the fact you think everyone is totally unique, makes me entirely question your validity of a therapist. most people are not especially unique in their problems or circumstances. though often they are convinced they are, especially if they aren’t in a support group or social isolated.
You know how many cards there are in a deck?
People can shuffle them into a random order and then memorise the order, so it’s really not that many cards.
Each time you shuffle the deck it’s the same familiar cards, we can easily recognise and differentiate every card in the deck.
But how many different ways are there to arrange that deck of cards? How many possible combinations?
More than there are stars in the sky. Every shuffle is unique.
I love my job because I get to use familiar ideas to help people make sense of their own unique shuffle 😊
cool, my card metaphor would be, how many good hands are there in poker? there are 10.
and most everyone disregarded the last two, and only plays if they have two pair or higher, so only 8 are considered worthwhile to have.
everyone is chasing the same thing, to have one of the higher ranked hands so that they can win.
i’m glad you look at a dirty diaper and think it’s a beautiful rainbow, but most of us just think it’s shit and we toss it in the trash. and we only see a real rainbow maybe once or twice a year or less.
i have lived my life entirely shocked at how similar and robotic most folks live their lives. very few people are unique or interesting, most are just a series of cliches and can only express themselves in cliches because they have never had a critical or original thought in their entire life.
Cool, you realize that therapists aren’t a monolith and blithely telling people it’s a waste is potentially holding people back from solutions and feeling better, right?
I read this graph also as in “you need to change” and “i can’t change you”, understanding you can’t control anyone else can give you great amounts of inner peace.
“Use your big girl words”
I noticed that too. Someone had a fight I reckon.
This user pulls memes from Reddit for reposting. I don’t think this was a personal remark from them. Just regurgitating it from elsewhere.
