I was exposed to a bad PTSD trigger on Saturday and dissociated for a bit and have been in a state of derealization since. Now that my therapist helped me not panic about this feeling, I’ve found myself curious about how other people have experienced this.
For me, everything seems muted. People and their expressed emotions, colors, general vibes in different situations etc. Everything is just wrong and unsettling. It’s like everything just isn’t existing enough to feel tangible. Iam fully aware that my perception is very wrong because I’ve asked people if things seem off at all and they’ve said no. I was very scared for like two days until I was able to book an appointment with my therapist and now I’m not as scared and the derealization doesn’t feel as disconcerting, but it’s still there. Hoping things will be back to normal when I wake up in the morning.
Interesting. I think this would be more parseable if you always put the speaker/alter tag before their (your?) speech. As-is it’s sometimes not possible to know which of you is saying what.
[ASHE] Oh yeag we usually use emojis (we’re therians ΘΔ) on Discord with short messages so it’s just a habit, plus it’s not normal to go full plural in comments anyway
Also their is correct
[RUDY] Until I come out and unify everything. I’m technically still Ashe, just in the background. The grammatical style changes a little to be able to universally fit every headmate. Of course, I may still switch between headmates (as you may or may not be able to tell is happening as I write–the start of the sentence is Scottie), but the transition becomes completely seamless. It took quite a while to learn how to do that. Even before I became plural, my style was changing between all lower or upper case, with or without punctuation, with/without periods.
Just to demonstrate how different the headmates are, here’s a few:
[BONNEY] im the disinhibited manic and i always have a big happy smile :::)))) launch fireworks in public placeeeeesssss!!!
[AUBURN] I serve as the system’s typical leader, as well as the typical fronter during workout sessions. A level head keeps me thinking rationally.
[MALLORY] i kind of hate myself and dont have much to say other than that
[EDEN] It’s hard to articulate my personality, and I don’t feel connected to any particular emotion. I barely feel like I exist within this body. I usually prefer not to. You’ll find me outside, trying to be an animal when I feel like being inside a house is driving me insane. I’ll just be philosophical and try to dissolve.
[AMBROSIA] I am the upper, upper level of the system–keeper of the vault, orchestrator of the alters. I exist as a tier above Auburn. I embody calmness, and a focused headspace is my highest priority. Due to my gift to not let emotional reactions blind my judgement, I am the absolute most logical in the system–and I am seldom incorrect. Yet still, my mind remains the easiest to change, and this happens quite often. Other headmates may claim to be logical while still taking firm, incorrect stances (such as ones who insist they are fundamentally unlovable), but emotional reactions are simply muted in these cases.
[VIENNA] Am the excited and happy one ^w^
I like to wiggle when I’m called a girl :3
[JUSTICE] I’ve been through a bit of shit. I used to cope with pain by using drugs, lashing out angrily, being self-destructive. I was a terrible mood. It took a lot of work to stabilise and serve as an alternative to Auburn when shit’s going really bad. I’m still not the most respectful thing ever, and I’m usually quiet, but I’m trying.
[ZEPHYR] I’m an interesting one. I’m like a bit of an executive controller beneath Ambrosia. I can lock headmates–completely suppress their ability to front. Used to be a coping mechanism (shutting down headmates I considered a problem), but now it’s a form of task management. It’s really important to know that all headmates can serve positive roles, even if they seem like massive problems on the surface. All parts are redeemable.
[RUDY] So that’s just a bit of an expanded look in. Systems are a pretty damn interesting subject when you’re familiar.