spoiler
idk if “gentle” is the right term, I was thinking “温柔” and its the best translation I guess
Feel free to share anecdotes, or scientific studies if you have any.
So my mom was kinda like half and half… I feel like I absored half of the “gentleness” and half of the rage…
Dad was kinda just neutral… like stoic as hell except a few times of getting mad…
This seems like the Nature vs Nurture question in what influences a person’s personality during the earlier development years and I’m pretty sure the answer to it is currently unknown. I also don’t think there is really any ethical way to test it.
It’s not unknown, it’s just that it’s not one or the other. We solved nature vs nurture a long time ago, you just change the vs to and. Why would only one factor matter when both are ever-present?
No
My mother was the farthest thing from affectionate, my parents were divorced so my father wasn’t around that much when I was growing up.
I’m not sure “gentle” is the first word I would use to describe myself, but as an adult I’ve dedicated my life to adopting animals in need. Generally it’s hard to build trust with an animal if you do not have a “gentle” side.
Maybe it was the animals who taught me how they wanted to be treated, but I can sure as hell say it wasn’t my mother who taught me how to be warm and affectionate.
It’s nature vs. nurture.
Babies are not blank slates molded entirely by their environment, nor are they born what they will only be.
There is no right answer to great big stereotypes like this. Sure, raising someone with love and tenderness can keep them from growing up into a big violent asshole. I call that a good outcome. But in previous generations, this was somehow made into a bad thing. “The women made him soft!” That’s hardcore patriarchal bullshit and an excellent example of men oppressing men.
It sounds like you may be deep in the pocket of that oppression, if you think that “stoic as hell except for occasionally getting mad” is neutral. That is not neutral dude. That sucks. I’m sorry you dad never showed you love and kindness, to the point where you question your mother for doing so. Wake up from this for your own sake.
It sounds like you may be deep in the pocket of that oppression
It’s called being in a Chinese family… the “overton window” of what’s “normal” is different
I think their way of showing “love” is not exactly by physical affection. Like the concept of a “Chinese father cuddling their children” is not even a thing… (I don’t think so)
It’s more like materialistic (money) and other stuff like driving kids to school, etc…
And oddly enough… my mom sucks at cooking (taste bad lmao) so I remember my dad cooked a lot
And a lot of household stuff… like broken things that needs to fixed…
Also like helping out with the family bussiness… which I also did a lot… but mom kinda overlooks my contributions… :(
I mean maybe just “Chinese culture” is weird…
Oh btw I NEVER SAW MY PARENTS KISS 🤷♂️
I asked my mom about it and she say they do it when I’m not looking?
press x to doubt (it’s an arranged marriage lol)
Idk if they even fuck, except like that two times to procreate… their room is open lol…
As it happens, I am married to someone raised in a Chinese family so I hear you and am familiar with a lot of the dynamic. We just talk about it very openly as an unhealthy and even abusive way to grow up.
I remember I got promoted at work and one of the VPs above me sent me an email saying “we’re proud of you.” He happened to be Asian. And my wife was floored that he actually said this.
