I’m all for them displaying the Ten Commandments. That’s fine with me as long as they display the 1000 commandments from my religion too. The Church of All-Joking, All-Drunken Synod of Fools and Jesters. Here’s the first 10.

• Thou shalt not take thyself too seriously, for everyone else is also winging it.

• Thou shalt not attempt diets on Mondays, for misery already hath enough dominion over that day.

• Thou shalt honor thy couch and keep it sacred, especially on days when thou hath “big plans” that mysteriously vanish.

• Thou shalt treat grocery carts as chariots of chaos and return them to their corral… unless it raineth, then abandon them as is tradition.

• Thou shalt not pretend to enjoy small talk about the weather, for it is the blandest of offerings.

• Thou shalt love thy neighbor, but thou art not obligated to like their cooking, their children, or their lawn ornaments.

• Thou shalt not judge others’ hobbies, for every soul hath something weird that bringeth them joy.

• Remember the nap and keep it holy; thou art but a fragile creature of flesh and exhaustion.

• Thou shalt not compare thy life to Instagram, for illusions are plentiful and filters are powerful.

• Thou shalt do thy best, even on the days thou feelest like a sentient potato—and lo, that shall be enough.

Good. Keep your fucking religion out of schools

Good. Keep your religion yourself.

Good, I don’t want my kids learning that bullshit anyway.

Is the kiddie diddling in the top 10, or is that like 13 or 14?