Not going to offer many details on the where or how, as I don’t intend to dox myself, but suffice it to say that I will continue touching butts for an extended period. I don’t like feeling aroused by the act. These people placed trust in me. Trust that I mean them no harm and that I am safe to be around. I can certainly be both while aroused, but I’d rather not have to deal with this.
I’d prefer not to dissociate through work, but I can’t find another way to contextualize my experiences in a way that doesn’t leave me frustrated until I get home.
Kinda feels like you need to find something else to do, if I’m being honest. If you can’t push it aside, then you are getting sexual gratification in a non-consensual way.
I mean, I can and have pushed it aside. I’d just rather have to push nothing, if you follow my meaning.
Fair enough, and honestly it’s to your credit that it bothers you. If it keeps happening, it might be worth talking to a therapist, or a supervisor if your field has that kind of support. This is aparently common enough in hands on professions that there’s guidance on it. And if it never eases up, it’s okay to decide the job isn’t the right fit.